[Script Info] Title: [Events] Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.22,0:00:16.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel really privileged to be here. Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.55,0:00:20.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have cried, I have laughed, Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.13,0:00:25.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have been profoundly touched Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.42,0:00:29.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I feel really privileged to be alive. Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.66,0:00:33.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am grateful that I am alive. Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.85,0:00:37.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1944, my parents were in a concentration camp Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.94,0:00:41.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in Vichy, France. Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.72,0:00:46.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mother engineered an escape. Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.23,0:00:50.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She actually got my father out. Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.42,0:00:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my parents walked through the Alps. Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.10,0:00:59.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mother was pregnant with me. Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.78,0:01:02.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when they got to the Swiss border, Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.43,0:01:07.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the border was closed to refugees. Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.15,0:01:11.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mother threw herself into Switzerland. Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.64,0:01:15.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anything for her was better than going back Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.82,0:01:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the hell she came from. Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.58,0:01:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my father succeeded in smuggling \Nhimself a few days later. Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.58,0:01:34.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in 1944, I was born. Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.86,0:01:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Decades later I am sitting with my mother Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.82,0:01:41.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in an old age home in Israel. Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.82,0:01:46.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I cannot bear to see her. Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.38,0:01:51.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(fights, tears, sighs) Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.90,0:01:54.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is sitting in a wheel-chair. Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.82,0:01:58.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She doesn't know who I am. Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.90,0:02:05.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel guilty. I feel sad. I am struggling. I am angry. Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.49,0:02:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is my hero. Why should she be here? Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.50,0:02:16.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I realize that I am not visiting her. Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.90,0:02:19.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am with my own emotions. Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.22,0:02:22.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I make a decision. Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.74,0:02:25.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am going to cross the bridge Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.66,0:02:27.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the world of my mother. Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.43,0:02:32.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will leave the world where I am struggling. Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.90,0:02:35.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I and will go and meet her. Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.34,0:02:40.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I will bring with me new eyes. Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.26,0:02:48.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I did. I came, I sat across from her \Nand I crossed the bridge. Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.33,0:02:54.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I landed in her world. And I looked at her. Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.38,0:02:57.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she looked at me. Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.06,0:03:01.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in Yiddish she said: Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.87,0:03:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Du bist mein Tochter." Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.42,0:03:07.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You are my daughter. Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.72,0:03:17.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I started to cry and with her hands \Nshe gently wiped my tears. Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.31,0:03:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She hadn't recognized me for months. Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.66,0:03:29.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, I hadn't been there - emotionally. Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.98,0:03:33.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This miracle with my mother illustrates Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.25,0:03:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the three invisible connectors \Nthat I want to talk to you about today. Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.10,0:03:44.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is the relational space - the space. Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.22,0:03:48.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is the bridge between the worlds - the bridge. Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.90,0:03:51.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it is the encounter. Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.82,0:03:59.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Human essence to human essence. The encounter. Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.88,0:04:07.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These three invisible connectors - you know them. Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.06,0:04:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You live them. Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.87,0:04:12.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you may never have framed them that way. Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.55,0:04:15.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in working with couples for many, many years Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.63,0:04:24.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have come to see that those are \Nthe three invisible connectors. Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.16,0:04:27.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me start by talking to you about the space. Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.88,0:04:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is the Jewish philosopher Martin Buber who said: Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.90,0:04:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Our relationship lives in the space between us." Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.10,0:04:45.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't live in me or in you Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.06,0:04:50.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even in the dialogue between the two of us. Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.90,0:04:56.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It lives in the space that we live together. Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.99,0:05:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said: "That space is sacred space." Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.94,0:05:07.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if we don't know about the space, Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.70,0:05:10.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we don't know how to take responsibility Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.97,0:05:13.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the space we live together, Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.94,0:05:17.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we will actually pollute it Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.19,0:05:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way I polluted the space with my mother. Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.90,0:05:21.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I polluted the space with my mother Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.86,0:05:25.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not because I was feeling my feelings. Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.17,0:05:27.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I polluted the space with my mother Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.21,0:05:33.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I unconsciously put all these \Nemotions in the middle between us Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.97,0:05:36.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- unconsciously. Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.94,0:05:40.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we don't know about the space, Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.94,0:05:44.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we pollute it quite automatically. Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.94,0:05:51.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A word, a look, a reaction, a withdrawal, Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.14,0:05:53.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a criticism, a judgement. Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.10,0:05:57.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We put it there, unconsciously. Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.38,0:06:02.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the space becomes uncomfortable. Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.02,0:06:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when the space is uncomfortable, Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.98,0:06:06.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we react to the discomfort in the space Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.76,0:06:10.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the space becomes more uncomfortable. Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.50,0:06:18.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And slowly but surely, discomfort after \Ndiscomfort, the space becomes dangerous. Dialogue: 0,0:06:18.18,0:06:23.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then we react to the danger in the space. Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.10,0:06:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how do we react? Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.63,0:06:29.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of us react by exploding our energy. Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.15,0:06:32.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We talk louder, we shout, we say many words, Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.66,0:06:35.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we are in your face. Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.18,0:06:39.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of us react to the danger in the space Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.38,0:06:45.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by constricting, hiding, withdrawing our energy. Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.31,0:06:48.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And once those two reactions come together Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.58,0:06:51.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a reaction to the danger in the space, Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.14,0:06:52.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the danger grows Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.90,0:06:57.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and now we are reacting together \Nto the pollution and danger Dialogue: 0,0:06:57.90,0:07:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we co-created in the relational space. Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.50,0:07:04.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What shall we do? Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.90,0:07:11.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we take responsibility for the space between us? Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.26,0:07:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which is sacred, as says Martin Buber. Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.22,0:07:18.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here comes the metaphor of the bridge. Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.10,0:07:22.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We take responsibility for the space between us Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.14,0:07:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by crossing the bridge to the world of the other Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.58,0:07:33.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and bringing our full presence on the other side. Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.30,0:07:35.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How do we do it? Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.90,0:07:40.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First, sit down. Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.26,0:07:42.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Take a deep breath. Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.52,0:07:46.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Put your feet on the ground. Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.73,0:07:51.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Allow yourself to get to the present moment. Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.10,0:07:56.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Align yourself with here and now. Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.42,0:08:01.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Know that you are alive! Be grateful Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.31,0:08:07.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for this moment of your life. Right now! Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.06,0:08:12.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That already is a very important beginning Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.03,0:08:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for your journey across the bridge. Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.49,0:08:20.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, you begin to consciously and deliberately Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.18,0:08:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,walk the bridge -- slipping the rubber band Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.40,0:08:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that pulls you back to your prejudices, \Nyour story, your identity, Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.82,0:08:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who you think you are, your feelings, \Nyour emotions, whatever it is in your world. Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.53,0:08:39.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All you take with you across the bridge Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.87,0:08:43.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a little plastic bag, transparent, Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.42,0:08:46.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a passport and a visa. Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.50,0:08:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The reason it needs to be transparent: Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.50,0:08:54.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you cannot bring anything of yours \Nto the other side of the bridge. Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.63,0:08:56.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you have landed Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.58,0:09:00.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the other side, what do you do? Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.64,0:09:03.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You listen. Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.02,0:09:07.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You listen with an open heart. Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.70,0:09:11.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You listen with new eyes. Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.73,0:09:15.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is Marcel Proust, the French writer, who said: Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.48,0:09:21.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The adventure of life is not about \Ndiscovering new landscape. Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.70,0:09:27.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The adventure of life is \Nseeing the old ones with new eyes." Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.47,0:09:30.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you bring your new eyes and your open heart Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.34,0:09:31.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your generosity of spirit Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.97,0:09:37.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you listen as if you're \Nlearning a new language, Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.02,0:09:40.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a new music, a new rhythm. Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.74,0:09:44.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You listen by repeating the words. Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.86,0:09:48.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hear you say. Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.58,0:09:51.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Have I got you?" Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.40,0:10:00.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you learn. You learn about \Nthe landscape in this other world. Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.73,0:10:04.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so what can happen on the other side? Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.74,0:10:07.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,\NAnd what happens on the other side Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.10,0:10:09.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the encounter. Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.58,0:10:13.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what is the encounter? Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.32,0:10:16.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On a biological level, the encounter Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.50,0:10:19.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the resonance between two brains. Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.100,0:10:26.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The relational neurobiologists \Ncall this resonance the brain bridge. Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.20,0:10:30.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Two limbic systems that resonate together. Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.82,0:10:36.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The seed of our emotions \Nbeginning to resonate together. Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.66,0:10:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And relational neurobiologists have found that Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.23,0:10:43.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when there is this resonance between two brains, Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.74,0:10:49.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our central nervous system begins to calm down. Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.08,0:10:51.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because, they have also discovered, Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.99,0:10:57.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that our brain is the only organ inside of us Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.58,0:11:00.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that doesn't regulate from within. Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.50,0:11:07.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It regulates on the outside \Nthrough another brain. Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.74,0:11:11.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need each other for self-regulation. Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.70,0:11:15.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can only regulate through the other. Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.34,0:11:19.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Through the eyes of the other. \NThrough that resonance. Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.78,0:11:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what happens then is very interesting Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.70,0:11:27.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because, 10 years ago approximately, \Nrelational neurobiologists Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.10,0:11:30.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,discovered those mirror neurons Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.09,0:11:31.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we have in our brain. Dialogue: 0,0:11:31.94,0:11:35.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our capacity for compassion, Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.69,0:11:37.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for empathy, Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.51,0:11:42.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for deep, deep understanding of the other. Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.42,0:11:48.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And during the encounter these \Nmirror neurons become very alive. Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.00,0:11:50.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what happens then? Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.02,0:11:54.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,New neural pathways begin to form in the brain. Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.82,0:11:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,New neural pathways that give us Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.10,0:12:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the capacity to be in relationship. Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.74,0:12:06.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the brain has been found \Nto have an enormous plasticity. Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.67,0:12:11.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It can change at any time during our lifetime. Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.78,0:12:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so these new neuro-pathways \Nthat are formed in our brain Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.98,0:12:18.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,give us a chance to become Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.11,0:12:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more relationally intelligent Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.18,0:12:26.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more relationally mature. Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.18,0:12:33.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, that is the encounter in the biological sense. Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.91,0:12:38.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But in another domain it is harder to define Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.94,0:12:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what the encounter is. Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.58,0:12:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is the meeting of two full human presences. Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.50,0:12:54.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or two human essences. \NOr the life force in each person. Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.99,0:12:58.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or the meeting of two souls. Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.82,0:13:00.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what is that life force? Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.94,0:13:05.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What is the human essence? Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.09,0:13:07.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father has a story about that. Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.47,0:13:13.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My father had the largest collection of \NYiddish stories in the universe. Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.66,0:13:16.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he loved to tell them. Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.26,0:13:18.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he laughed harder than anyone Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.70,0:13:22.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he told his stories. Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.42,0:13:27.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This story is about Mr. Goldberg, the tailor. Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.60,0:13:32.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So somebody came to get a suit \Nfrom Mr. Goldberg, the tailor. Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.78,0:13:34.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he tries on the suit and he says: Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.86,0:13:37.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Mr. Goldberg, this suit looks very strange. Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.26,0:13:39.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This sleeve doesn't fit at all." Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.43,0:13:42.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Mr. Goldberg looks very seriously and he says: Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.13,0:13:49.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You are right. For that sleeve you \Nhave to hold your hand like that. OK?" Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.15,0:13:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The man says: "You know, \Nthe other sleeve doesn't fit at all." Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.78,0:13:55.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Look, look at it!" - Mr. Goldberg says: Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.29,0:14:00.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You are completely right. For that \Nsleeve you hold your hand like that Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.07,0:14:04.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you put this shoulder like this. OK?" Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.05,0:14:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What about the right leg? The right leg \Nlooks very strange. What about it?" Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.78,0:14:13.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Mr. Goldberg says: "You are right. \NYou just have to put your foot Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.86,0:14:16.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little bit inside like that." Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.61,0:14:21.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What about this one?", he says.\N"Well, that one you put your foot like this." Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.05,0:14:26.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, now the suit was fine and \Nthe man comes out of the tailor store Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.02,0:14:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as he is walking in the street \Nthis couple comes by Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.74,0:14:33.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the woman says to her husband: \N"What an amazing tailor! Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.66,0:14:39.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A man in this condition - the suit fits him perfectly!" Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.78,0:14:42.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause) Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.42,0:14:48.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well... This is us. We are in this suit. Dialogue: 0,0:14:48.28,0:14:53.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We walk around in this suit \Nbecause we have adapted to our life. Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.30,0:14:57.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we don't even know that \Nthis is a suit, a survival suit. Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.87,0:15:00.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We know that this is us. Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.86,0:15:07.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, if I adapted by being \Nwithdrawn and cold and really distant, Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.70,0:15:09.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think this is me. Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.91,0:15:16.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Inside the suit is our human essence - intact! Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.34,0:15:24.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Inside of our survival adaptation \Nwe are our essence. Dialogue: 0,0:15:24.30,0:15:30.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And coming over the bridge \Nallows our spirit to be nourished. Dialogue: 0,0:15:30.66,0:15:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this transformation to happen \Nfrom this survival suit Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.20,0:15:39.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to our true human essence. Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.58,0:15:46.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is in being with each other \Nthat our essence becomes revealed. Dialogue: 0,0:15:46.36,0:15:50.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It so it reminds me of this wonderful saying: Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.10,0:15:57.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I used to be different. \NAnd now I am the same." Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.67,0:16:00.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started with a story about my mother. Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.90,0:16:05.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd like to tell you one now \Nabout my grandson Leo. Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.86,0:16:11.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in Istanbul with Leo. \NAnd we were in bed Dialogue: 0,0:16:11.40,0:16:15.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,snuggling and watching a movie. Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.75,0:16:18.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And at the end of the movie\NLeo looked at me Dialogue: 0,0:16:18.18,0:16:20.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said: Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.42,0:16:25.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Bube, grandma, I love you." Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.05,0:16:29.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said: "I love you, too, Leo." Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.90,0:16:35.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said: "No. I love you." Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.10,0:16:41.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said: "Sure, sweety, \Nyou love me and I love you." Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.30,0:16:46.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said: "No, Bube. I love you." Dialogue: 0,0:16:46.61,0:16:49.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I understood. Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.07,0:16:52.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He didn't want me to deflect his love. Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.22,0:16:56.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He wanted me to step over the bridge to come to him Dialogue: 0,0:16:56.23,0:17:04.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to take in the pure, \Nessential love he was giving me. Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.11,0:17:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I did. I looked at him. I took him in. Dialogue: 0,0:17:09.18,0:17:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I let what he was giving me \Nin that moment penetrate. Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.52,0:17:19.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said: "Leo, I hear you say: You love me." Dialogue: 0,0:17:19.78,0:17:23.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his face just shone. Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.84,0:17:31.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was teaching me that \Nit takes courage to be connected. Dialogue: 0,0:17:31.79,0:17:36.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd like to share with you \None of my favourite quotes Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.26,0:17:41.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the Sufi poet Rumi, of the 13th century, Dialogue: 0,0:17:41.30,0:17:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who said: "Beyond right thinking Dialogue: 0,0:17:46.86,0:17:49.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and beyond wrong thinking Dialogue: 0,0:17:49.90,0:17:52.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is a field. Dialogue: 0,0:17:52.54,0:17:56.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will meet you there." Dialogue: 0,0:17:56.27,0:18:01.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a dream. \NI envision 90 million couples Dialogue: 0,0:18:01.85,0:18:05.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,honoring the three invisible connectors, Dialogue: 0,0:18:05.66,0:18:09.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,honoring the space between them, \Ncrossing the bridge to each other Dialogue: 0,0:18:09.90,0:18:13.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and encountering each other, \Nhuman essence to human essence. Dialogue: 0,0:18:13.78,0:18:18.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is enormously important to me\Nbecause our children grow Dialogue: 0,0:18:18.54,0:18:22.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the space between us. Dialogue: 0,0:18:22.26,0:18:24.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The space between the couple Dialogue: 0,0:18:24.87,0:18:27.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the playground of the child. Dialogue: 0,0:18:27.90,0:18:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when we know how to honor that space Dialogue: 0,0:18:30.78,0:18:34.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and make it sacred, our children can blossom Dialogue: 0,0:18:34.01,0:18:36.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in sacred space. Dialogue: 0,0:18:36.34,0:18:43.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I have a date in mind. \NNovember 11th, 2012. Dialogue: 0,0:18:43.66,0:18:49.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,International Crossing The Bridge Day. Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.45,0:18:52.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It isn't just for couples. Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.54,0:18:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is for human beings \Nand it is for nations. Dialogue: 0,0:18:56.78,0:19:00.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I envision a time when nations Dialogue: 0,0:19:00.59,0:19:04.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will know that the space between them Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.99,0:19:08.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is sacred space. \NThat there is a bridge Dialogue: 0,0:19:08.24,0:19:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to cross to know the culture of the other. Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.28,0:19:15.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that we can encounter each other. Dialogue: 0,0:19:15.73,0:19:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Human essence to human essence. Dialogue: 0,0:19:21.34,0:19:26.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Beyond right thinking \Nand beyond wrong thinking Dialogue: 0,0:19:26.51,0:19:28.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is a field. Dialogue: 0,0:19:28.90,0:19:32.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will you meet you there. Dialogue: 0,0:19:32.61,0:19:34.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. Dialogue: 0,0:19:34.54,0:19:41.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)