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There are billions of galaxies in the observable universe.
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And each of them contains hundreds billions of stars.
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In one of these gallasies,
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orbiting one of these stars,
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lies a little blue planet.
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And this planet is run by a bunch of monkeys.
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Now these monkeys don't think of themselves as monkeys.
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They don't even think of themselves as animals.
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In fact they love to list all the things that they think separate them from the other animals.
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Opposible thumbs,
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self-awareness.
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They use words like 'Homo erectus' and 'Australopithecus'.
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You say 'to-mae-to' I say 'to-mah-to', they are animals alright.
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They are monkeys.
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Monkeys with high speed digital fiber optics technology.
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But monkeys never less.
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I mean they're clever, you've got to give them that.
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The pyramids, the skyscrapers, phantom jets, the great wall of China.
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That's all pretty impressive
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..for a bunch of monkeys.
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Monkeys whose brain has evolved to such an unmanageable size that it is now pretty impossible for them to stay happy for any length of time ...
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.. in fact, they're the only animals that think they are supposed to be happy, all of the other animals can just be.
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But it's not that simple for the monkeys.
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You see the monkeys are cursed with consciousness.
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So the monkeys are afraid.
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The monkeys worry.
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The monkeys worry about everything but mostly about what all the other monkeys think.
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Because the monkeys most desperately want to fit in ... with the other monkeys.
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Which is pretty hard to do because a lot of the monkeys hate each other.
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This is really what separates them from the other animals: these monkeys hate.
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They hate monkeys that are different.
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monkeys from different places.
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monkeys who wore a different color,
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you see, the monkeys feel alone.
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all six billions of them.
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Some of the monkeys pay another monkeys to listen to their problems.
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The monkeys want answers, the monkeys know they are going to die so the monkeys make up gods. And then they worship them.
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The the monkeys start to argue over whose made-up god is better.
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Then the monkeys start to get really pissed off and this is usually when the monkeys decide that it is a good time to start killing each other.
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So the monkeys wage wars.
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The monkeys make hydrogen bombs.
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The monkeys have got their entire planet wired up to explode.
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The monkeys just can't help it.
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Some of the monkeys play to a sold-out crowd
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of other monkeys.
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The monkeys make trophies and then they give them to each other.
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like it means something.
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Some of the monkeys think they've got it all figured out.
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Some of the monkeys read Nietzsche.
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The monkeys argue about Nietzsche without ever giving any consideration to the fact that Nietzsche
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.. was just another monkey.
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The monkeys make plans.
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The monkeys fall in love.
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The monkeys have sex ...
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And then they make more monkeys.
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The monkeys make music.
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And then the monkeys dance.
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Dance monkeys, dance.
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The monkeys make a hell a lot of noise.
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The monkeys have so much potentials if they would only apply themselves.
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The monkeys shave their hair off of their bodies in blatant denial of their true monkey nature.
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The monkeys build giant monkey hives that they call cities.
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The monkeys draw a lot of imaginary lines on the dirt.
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The monkeys are running out of oil which is what fuels their precarious civilization.
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The monkeys are polluting and raping their planet like there is no tomorrow.
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The monkeys like to pretend that everything is just fine.
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Some of the monkeys actually believe that the entire universe was created just for their benefit.
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As you can see, these are some messed up monkeys.
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These monkeys are once the ugliest and the most beautiful creatures on the planet.
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And then the monkeys don't want to be monkeys.
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They want to be something else, but they are not.
