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When your kid tells you
that they are transgender,
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what do you do?
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41% of transgender adults
have attempted suicide,
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mostly as an adolescent or young adult.
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Parental support can dramatically
reduce the risk of suicide
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by three and a half times,
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but many parents
are terrified of doing the wrong thing.
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So what should you do when your child
tells you that they are transgender?
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The first thing to realize
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is that there is a very good chance
the child is right.
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In nearly all the studies I am aware of,
no child regretted transitioning.
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I've spoken with two nationally recognized
endocrinologists
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that work with trans kids
and they are aware of only one case
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of regret in the thousands
they have treated.
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Additionally, I've never met
a single person
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who has transitioned and regretted it.
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I've never a parent
of a trans kid who regretted
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letting their kid transition.
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I've only ever met parents
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who regretted
not letting their kid transition sooner.
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Regardless of their identity,
in the end you have two choices:
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reject or accept their declaration.
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If you reject them,
no matter the end result,
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you will contribute to their harm
and increase the risk of mental illness.
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Studies have shown that regardless
of what happens outside the home,
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familial support
can literally save your kid's life!
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Familial support reduces suicide
by three and a half times
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and substance abuse
by two and a half times.
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If you as the parent
reject your child's identity,
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you are the largest
and most negatively-impactful bully
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in your child's life,
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more so than any and potentially all
of the bullies at school.
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That is, when your child says something
to you about their identity,
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and you say no, you are telling them
that they cannot trust how they feel,
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they cannot trust you
to listen and hear them,
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and they cannot trust themselves.
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That creates an invalidating
childhood environment,
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and invalidating environments
are hotbeds for the formation
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of many serious mental illnesses
that can last a lifetime.
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If you choose to affirm their identity
no matter the end result,
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you are telling your child
that they can trust you,
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that they can confide in you,
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that they are allowed to trust themselves
and their own feelings,
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and that you trust them to learn
and figure themselves out.
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This is part of how you build
a healthy parent-child relationship.
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A reminder:
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up to 41% of trans adults
have attempted suicide at least once,
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mostly as kids.
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If you reject
their declaration of identity,
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you increase this risk of suicide.
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If you affirm them, you reduce the risks.
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And so much so that in one study,
socially transitioned children
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with supportive families
reported depression rates
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indistinguishable from cisgender youth.
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It is also important to keep in mind
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that by the time your kid
brings this to you, the parent,
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they have probably spent months
or maybe years
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crying themselves to sleep at night,
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wondering if you will still love them.
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This declaration to you is not a whim.
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This is a well thought-through statement,
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and in this moment
you have a rare opportunity
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to show your kid that they can trust you,
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that they can confide in you.
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In the end, you as the parent
have the choice:
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you can either increase the risk for harm
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and suicide by rejecting them
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or you can dramatically reduce that risk
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by affirming their identity.
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It is your choice.
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Don't be your child's first bully.
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(ocean sounds)