1 00:00:03,276 --> 00:00:03,896 >> Stop crying 2 00:00:03,906 --> 00:00:04,740 >> Stop with the tears 3 00:00:04,852 --> 00:00:05,492 >> Don't cry 4 00:00:05,492 --> 00:00:06,229 >> Pick yourself up 5 00:00:06,229 --> 00:00:07,143 >> Stop with the emotions 6 00:00:07,143 --> 00:00:07,912 >> Don't be a pussy 7 00:00:07,912 --> 00:00:08,859 >> Don't let nobody disrespect you 8 00:00:08,859 --> 00:00:09,656 >> Be cool 9 00:00:09,656 --> 00:00:10,702 >> And be kind of a dick 10 00:00:10,702 --> 00:00:11,262 >> Always keep your mouth shut 11 00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:12,397 >> Nobody likes a tattle-tale 12 00:00:12,397 --> 00:00:13,736 >> Bros come before hoes 13 00:00:13,736 --> 00:00:15,149 >> Don't let your woman run your life. 14 00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:15,759 >> You're a bitch. 15 00:00:15,759 --> 00:00:16,645 >> What a fag. 16 00:00:16,645 --> 00:00:17,229 >> Get laid. 17 00:00:17,229 --> 00:00:17,909 >> Do something. 18 00:00:17,909 --> 00:00:18,381 >> Be a man. 19 00:00:18,381 --> 00:00:18,868 >> Be a man! 20 00:00:18,868 --> 00:00:20,577 >> Grow some balls! 21 00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,194 >> The 3 most destructive words 22 00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:31,205 that every man receives when he is a boy, 23 00:00:31,212 --> 00:00:32,954 is when he's told to be a man. 24 00:00:33,145 --> 00:00:35,369 >> We've constructed an idea of masculinity 25 00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,312 in the United States 26 00:00:36,312 --> 00:00:38,504 that doesn't give young boys 27 00:00:38,518 --> 00:00:41,064 a way to feel secure in their masculinity. 28 00:00:41,064 --> 00:00:42,986 So, we make 'em go prove it all the time. 29 00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:44,887 >> Within their peer group culture 30 00:00:44,887 --> 00:00:46,052 each of them is posturing 31 00:00:46,061 --> 00:00:48,279 based on how the other boys are posturing, 32 00:00:48,279 --> 00:00:49,445 and what they end up missing 33 00:00:49,463 --> 00:00:51,201 is what they each really want, 34 00:00:51,503 --> 00:00:52,606 which is just that closeness. 35 00:00:53,824 --> 00:00:55,439 >> In good times guys are, 36 00:00:55,439 --> 00:00:56,780 like, really close to each other, 37 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:58,590 but when things get a little bit worse 38 00:00:58,590 --> 00:00:59,512 you're on your own. 39 00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:01,155 >> From middle school 40 00:01:01,155 --> 00:01:02,684 I had four really close friends. 41 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,273 Once I went kind of went into high school, 42 00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,938 I struggled finding people I can talk to 43 00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:08,535 because I feel like I'm not supposed to get help. 44 00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,619 >> Our kids get up every morning. 45 00:01:10,619 --> 00:01:11,755 They have to prepare their mask 46 00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:13,793 for how they're going to walk to school. 47 00:01:13,793 --> 00:01:15,127 A lot of our students don't know how 48 00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,339 to take the mask off. 49 00:01:16,369 --> 00:01:17,707 What is it you don't let people see? 50 00:01:18,303 --> 00:01:21,592 Almost 90% of you have pain and anger 51 00:01:21,592 --> 00:01:23,092 on the back of that paper. 52 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:24,590 >> If you never cry 53 00:01:24,598 --> 00:01:26,148 then you have all these feelings 54 00:01:26,148 --> 00:01:27,599 stuffed up inside of you, 55 00:01:27,599 --> 00:01:29,283 and then you can't get them out. 56 00:01:29,283 --> 00:01:30,961 >> They really buy into a culture 57 00:01:30,977 --> 00:01:32,533 that doesn't value what we feminized. 58 00:01:32,975 --> 00:01:34,704 If we're in a culture that doesn't value caring, 59 00:01:35,217 --> 00:01:36,886 doesn't value relationships, 60 00:01:36,886 --> 00:01:38,414 doesn't value empathy, 61 00:01:38,414 --> 00:01:40,541 you are going to have boys and girls, 62 00:01:40,544 --> 00:01:42,173 men and women go crazy. 63 00:01:43,214 --> 00:01:45,207 >> I had anger issues in high school. 64 00:01:45,207 --> 00:01:46,511 I felt like an outcast. 65 00:01:46,511 --> 00:01:48,445 I've been suspended at least once 66 00:01:48,445 --> 00:01:49,824 every year I was here. 67 00:01:49,824 --> 00:01:50,958 We would just look for trouble 68 00:01:51,285 --> 00:01:52,562 and just like, try to fight. 69 00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,801 >> Boys are more likely to act out, 70 00:01:54,801 --> 00:01:56,782 they're more likely to become aggressive. 71 00:01:56,782 --> 00:01:59,007 Most people miss that as depression, 72 00:01:59,007 --> 00:02:01,262 or see it as a conduct disorder, 73 00:02:01,262 --> 00:02:02,592 or just a bad kid. 74 00:02:05,808 --> 00:02:08,387 >> I felt like just giving up on life, you know, 75 00:02:08,387 --> 00:02:10,239 see I had suicide thoughts 76 00:02:10,239 --> 00:02:11,352 in my head in sixth grade. 77 00:02:11,784 --> 00:02:14,891 >> I felt alone for-for a long time, 78 00:02:14,891 --> 00:02:17,298 and I actually thought about killing myself. 79 00:02:20,066 --> 00:02:21,514 >> Whether it's homicidal violence, 80 00:02:21,514 --> 00:02:22,785 or suicidal violence, 81 00:02:22,785 --> 00:02:25,087 people resort to such desperate behavior, 82 00:02:25,228 --> 00:02:26,168 only when they are feeling 83 00:02:26,168 --> 00:02:27,748 shamed and humiliated, 84 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,342 or feel they would be 85 00:02:29,342 --> 00:02:31,991 if they didn't prove that they were real men. 86 00:02:32,794 --> 00:02:34,451 >> If you're told from day one 87 00:02:34,451 --> 00:02:36,264 'don't let nobody disrespect you', 88 00:02:36,264 --> 00:02:38,640 and 'this is the way you handle it as a man', 89 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:40,750 respect is linked to violence. 90 00:02:41,657 --> 00:02:43,466 >> If I can man up, 91 00:02:43,466 --> 00:02:44,720 why step down from that, 92 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:45,794 you feel me? 93 00:02:45,794 --> 00:02:46,976 >> It's like instinct. 94 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:51,461 >> So man up! 95 00:02:51,461 --> 00:02:51,902 >> Man up. 96 00:02:51,902 --> 00:02:52,364 >> Man up. 97 00:02:52,364 --> 00:02:52,656 >> Man up. 98 00:02:52,656 --> 00:02:53,993 >> Grow some fucking balls! 99 00:02:53,993 --> 00:02:54,812 >> Act like a man. 100 00:02:54,812 --> 00:02:55,631 >> Be a man. 101 00:02:55,631 --> 00:02:56,451 >> Be a man! 102 00:02:56,963 --> 00:02:57,924 >> For my kids, 103 00:02:57,924 --> 00:02:58,928 I was gonna end this 104 00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:01,083 hyper masculine narrative here.