0:00:03.276,0:00:03.896 >> Stop crying 0:00:03.906,0:00:04.740 >> Stop with the tears 0:00:04.852,0:00:05.492 >> Don't cry 0:00:05.492,0:00:06.229 >> Pick yourself up 0:00:06.229,0:00:07.143 >> Stop with the emotions 0:00:07.143,0:00:07.912 >> Don't be a pussy 0:00:07.912,0:00:08.859 >> Don't let nobody disrespect you 0:00:08.859,0:00:09.656 >> Be cool 0:00:09.656,0:00:10.702 >> And be kind of a dick 0:00:10.702,0:00:11.262 >> Always keep your mouth shut 0:00:11.272,0:00:12.397 >> Nobody likes a tattle-tale 0:00:12.397,0:00:13.736 >> Bros come before hoes 0:00:13.736,0:00:15.149 >> Don't let your woman run your life. 0:00:15.149,0:00:15.759 >> You're a bitch. 0:00:15.759,0:00:16.645 >> What a fag. 0:00:16.645,0:00:17.229 >> Get laid. 0:00:17.229,0:00:17.909 >> Do something. 0:00:17.909,0:00:18.381 >> Be a man. 0:00:18.381,0:00:18.868 >> Be a man! 0:00:18.868,0:00:20.577 >> Grow some balls! 0:00:26.234,0:00:28.194 >> The 3 most destructive words 0:00:28.194,0:00:31.205 that every man receives [br]when he is a boy, 0:00:31.212,0:00:32.954 is when he's told to be a man. 0:00:33.145,0:00:35.369 >> We've constructed an [br]idea of masculinity 0:00:35.369,0:00:36.312 in the United States 0:00:36.312,0:00:38.504 that doesn't give young boys 0:00:38.518,0:00:41.064 a way to feel secure in their masculinity. 0:00:41.064,0:00:42.986 So, we make 'em go prove it all the time. 0:00:43.309,0:00:44.887 >> Within their peer group culture 0:00:44.887,0:00:46.052 each of them is posturing 0:00:46.061,0:00:48.279 based on how the other [br]boys are posturing, 0:00:48.279,0:00:49.445 and what they end up missing 0:00:49.463,0:00:51.201 is what they each really want, 0:00:51.503,0:00:52.606 which is just that closeness. 0:00:53.824,0:00:55.439 >> In good times guys are, 0:00:55.439,0:00:56.780 like, really close to each other, 0:00:56.780,0:00:58.590 but when things get a little bit worse 0:00:58.590,0:00:59.512 you're on your own. 0:01:00.100,0:01:01.155 >> From middle school 0:01:01.155,0:01:02.684 I had four really close friends. 0:01:02.696,0:01:04.273 Once I went kind of went into high school, 0:01:04.273,0:01:05.938 I struggled finding people I can talk to 0:01:05.938,0:01:08.535 because I feel like I'm not supposed to get help. 0:01:09.025,0:01:10.619 >> Our kids get up every morning. 0:01:10.619,0:01:11.755 They have to prepare their mask 0:01:11.755,0:01:13.793 for how they're going to walk to school. 0:01:13.793,0:01:15.127 A lot of our students don't know how 0:01:15.141,0:01:16.339 to take the mask off. 0:01:16.369,0:01:17.707 What is it you don't let people see? 0:01:18.303,0:01:21.592 Almost 90% of you have pain and anger [br] 0:01:21.592,0:01:23.092 on the back of that paper. 0:01:23.717,0:01:24.590 >> If you never cry 0:01:24.598,0:01:26.148 then you have all these feelings 0:01:26.148,0:01:27.599 stuffed up inside of you, 0:01:27.599,0:01:29.283 and then you can't get them out. 0:01:29.283,0:01:30.961 >> They really buy into a culture 0:01:30.977,0:01:32.533 that doesn't value what we feminized. 0:01:32.975,0:01:34.704 If we're in a culture that doesn't value caring, 0:01:35.217,0:01:36.886 doesn't value relationships, 0:01:36.886,0:01:38.414 doesn't value empathy, 0:01:38.414,0:01:40.541 you are going to have boys and girls, 0:01:40.544,0:01:42.173 men and women go crazy. 0:01:43.214,0:01:45.207 >> I had anger issues in high school. 0:01:45.207,0:01:46.511 I felt like an outcast. 0:01:46.511,0:01:48.445 I've been suspended at least once[br] 0:01:48.445,0:01:49.824 every year I was here. 0:01:49.824,0:01:50.958 We would just look for trouble 0:01:51.285,0:01:52.562 and just like, try to fight. 0:01:53.029,0:01:54.801 >> Boys are more likely to act out, 0:01:54.801,0:01:56.782 they're more likely to become aggressive. 0:01:56.782,0:01:59.007 Most people miss that as depression, 0:01:59.007,0:02:01.262 or see it as a conduct disorder, 0:02:01.262,0:02:02.592 or just a bad kid. 0:02:05.808,0:02:08.387 >> I felt like just giving up on life, [br]you know, 0:02:08.387,0:02:10.239 see I had suicide thoughts 0:02:10.239,0:02:11.352 in my head in sixth grade. 0:02:11.784,0:02:14.891 >> I felt alone for-for a long time, 0:02:14.891,0:02:17.298 and I actually thought about killing myself. 0:02:20.066,0:02:21.514 >> Whether it's homicidal violence, 0:02:21.514,0:02:22.785 or suicidal violence, 0:02:22.785,0:02:25.087 people resort to such desperate behavior, 0:02:25.228,0:02:26.168 only when they are feeling 0:02:26.168,0:02:27.748 shamed and humiliated, 0:02:27.914,0:02:29.342 or feel they would be 0:02:29.342,0:02:31.991 if they didn't prove that they were real men. 0:02:32.794,0:02:34.451 >> If you're told from day one 0:02:34.451,0:02:36.264 'don't let nobody disrespect you', 0:02:36.264,0:02:38.640 and 'this is the way you handle it as a man', 0:02:38.640,0:02:40.750 respect is linked to violence. 0:02:41.657,0:02:43.466 >> If I can man up, 0:02:43.466,0:02:44.720 why step down from that, 0:02:44.720,0:02:45.794 you feel me? 0:02:45.794,0:02:46.976 >> It's like instinct. 0:02:50.735,0:02:51.461 >> So man up! 0:02:51.461,0:02:51.902 >> Man up. 0:02:51.902,0:02:52.364 >> Man up. 0:02:52.364,0:02:52.656 >> Man up. 0:02:52.656,0:02:53.993 >> Grow some fucking balls! 0:02:53.993,0:02:54.812 >> Act like a man. 0:02:54.812,0:02:55.631 >> Be a man. 0:02:55.631,0:02:56.451 >> Be a man! 0:02:56.963,0:02:57.924 >> For my kids, 0:02:57.924,0:02:58.928 I was gonna end this 0:02:58.928,0:03:01.083 hyper masculine narrative here.