"She is not actually bullied!" Why bullying is a subjective phenomenon | Beau Oldenburg | TEDxBreda
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0:07 - 0:11For about eight years, I have been
a researcher studying bullying. -
0:11 - 0:14When I tell people what I do for a living,
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0:14 - 0:19they almost always respond by asking me
why I chose this particular topic. -
0:19 - 0:22Was I ever bullied myself?
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0:22 - 0:26Or did I perhaps bully others?
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0:26 - 0:29Surprisingly, these questions
are not so easy to answer. -
0:29 - 0:34I mean, in high school,
I was far from being popular. -
0:34 - 0:36I did not have so many friends,
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0:36 - 0:37and there was this one guy
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0:37 - 0:41who would from time to time
make comments about my short hair. -
0:41 - 0:46And this was surely not nice,
but was this really bullying? -
0:46 - 0:48I'm not sure.
-
0:48 - 0:53Then, a few years later, in college,
it was the other way around. -
0:53 - 0:57There was this one girl
who I did not really like so much, -
0:57 - 1:01and me and my friends excluded her,
-
1:01 - 1:05and obviously this was
not very nice behavior, -
1:05 - 1:09and I feel a bit embarrassed
sharing this with you. -
1:09 - 1:12But was this then really bullying?
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1:12 - 1:15Even for me, someone
who studies bullying for a living, -
1:15 - 1:18it's not so straightforward
to answer these questions. -
1:19 - 1:20What about you?
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1:20 - 1:23Have you ever been bullied?
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1:23 - 1:27Or did you perhaps bully others?
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1:27 - 1:32How do you know that what happened
really is bullying, -
1:32 - 1:35and not something else such as teasing?
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1:36 - 1:38How do you determine that?
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1:39 - 1:42Well, in theory it's simple.
-
1:42 - 1:43There are three elements
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1:43 - 1:47that distinguish bullying [from]
other types of negative interactions -
1:47 - 1:49such as teasing.
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1:49 - 1:51First, there is repetition.
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1:51 - 1:57Bullying does not happen once,
but happens over and over again. -
1:57 - 2:00Second, there is a power difference.
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2:00 - 2:02The bully is stronger than the victim,
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2:02 - 2:05and it can be that the bully
is physically stronger, -
2:05 - 2:08but it can also be that the bully
is socially stronger - -
2:08 - 2:11for instance, by having more friends.
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2:11 - 2:15Third, there is an intention to harm.
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2:15 - 2:18Bullies on purpose hurt the victim.
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2:18 - 2:21So it's not an accident.
-
2:22 - 2:25Now that you know these three elements -
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2:25 - 2:30so, repetition, power difference
and intention to harm - -
2:30 - 2:31can you apply them
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2:31 - 2:35to the bullying situation
you were just thinking about? -
2:36 - 2:38Does it change your conclusion
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2:38 - 2:42on whether it's really bullying or not?
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2:44 - 2:48As you may notice,
in theory it's quite simple, -
2:48 - 2:50but in practice it can be difficult
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2:50 - 2:55to apply these three elements
to real-life situations. -
2:55 - 2:59Let's try for the two
examples I just gave. -
2:59 - 3:02So the guy in high school -
-
3:02 - 3:04There was repetition
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3:04 - 3:08because he made comments
about my short hair more than once. -
3:08 - 3:11There probably
also was a power difference -
3:11 - 3:14because this guy was a lot taller
and stronger than I was. -
3:14 - 3:17The third element is a bit difficult:
the intention to harm. -
3:17 - 3:21I have no idea what his intentions were.
-
3:21 - 3:26But we can say that at least
two out of three elements of bullying -
3:26 - 3:28were present in high school.
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3:28 - 3:31But what counts perhaps the most
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3:31 - 3:36is that I did not
feel bullied at that time. -
3:36 - 3:39Let's go to the example
of the girl in college. -
3:40 - 3:44Also, this happened more often,
so there was repetition. -
3:44 - 3:49There may have been a power difference
as I think I had more friends than her, -
3:49 - 3:51but I am not sure.
-
3:52 - 3:55And yeah, with respect
to the intention to harm, -
3:55 - 4:01I don't know what my intentions were,
but it was not to harm her. -
4:02 - 4:08So also here, two out of three
elements were present. -
4:08 - 4:10And at that time,
-
4:10 - 4:15it did not feel like bullying to me,
but maybe it did to her. -
4:16 - 4:21Let's move from these
two examples in my life -
4:21 - 4:23to a way larger group.
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4:23 - 4:30My colleagues and I asked hundreds
of primary and secondary school students -
4:30 - 4:32and their teachers and their classmates
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4:32 - 4:34about bullying the in their classrooms,
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4:35 - 4:39and we found that
their perceptions differed a lot. -
4:39 - 4:43So many students reported to be bullied,
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4:43 - 4:49but their classmates and the teachers
didn't see them as being bullied. -
4:49 - 4:54Some of the teachers even said to us
that they were aware of this, -
4:54 - 4:59that they had some students
in the classroom who felt bullied, -
4:59 - 5:02but that these students
were not really bullied, -
5:02 - 5:05that they were wrong,
that they were exaggerating. -
5:05 - 5:10Based on my personal
and professional experience, -
5:10 - 5:13the idea that I would like
to share with you -
5:13 - 5:18is maybe we should let go a little bit
of this scientific definition of bullying, -
5:18 - 5:21this idea of "actual" bullying,
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5:21 - 5:24and focus on people's feelings instead.
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5:24 - 5:27We spend a lot of time and effort
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5:27 - 5:32trying to find out whether someone
is actually bullied or not, -
5:32 - 5:33whereas in practice,
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5:33 - 5:38it's often very difficult
to reconstruct what exactly happened. -
5:38 - 5:40These three elements of bullying,
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5:40 - 5:43they provide useful
and necessary guidelines, -
5:43 - 5:46but as we just have seen,
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5:46 - 5:51it's not so straightforward
to apply them to real-life situations. -
5:52 - 5:56What counts perhaps the most
is whether you feel bullied -
5:56 - 5:59rather than that you are actually bullied.
-
5:59 - 6:02After all, it's the perceived
bullying that affects you, -
6:02 - 6:06and, yeah, not the actual bullying.
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6:08 - 6:10So instead of spending so much time
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6:10 - 6:14on finding out if someone
is bullied or not, -
6:14 - 6:15let's take feelings seriously.
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6:15 - 6:19When someone feels bullied, they feel bad,
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6:19 - 6:23even if the environment thinks
that this person is not bullied. -
6:23 - 6:26In fact, if everyone around you
thinks you're not bullied, -
6:26 - 6:29you may feel even worse.
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6:29 - 6:33My message to you is:
you can make a difference. -
6:34 - 6:38Please be aware that
there is bullying everywhere, -
6:38 - 6:39in almost every group -
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6:39 - 6:43also at your workplace,
school, sports club. -
6:43 - 6:45It's everywhere.
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6:45 - 6:47You just may not see it.
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6:47 - 6:52What is a joke to you
could be bullying to someone else. -
6:52 - 6:55When someone tells you
that they feel bullied, -
6:55 - 6:59you can make a difference
by taking this seriously -
6:59 - 7:05rather than starting a whole discussion
on whether this is actual bullying or not. -
7:05 - 7:08Please be aware that
for people who are bullied, -
7:08 - 7:11it can be very difficult
to talk about the bullying -
7:11 - 7:12because they feel embarrassed
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7:12 - 7:16or they are afraid
the situation will only get worse. -
7:17 - 7:19So when someone tells you they're bullied,
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7:19 - 7:24please be open and trust that this person
is truly dealing with something, -
7:24 - 7:27and try to look for a solution together.
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7:27 - 7:33And if you feel bullied but are not
taken seriously by the people around you, -
7:33 - 7:37please do not start
to doubt your own feelings. -
7:37 - 7:40You believe that the people around you
are treating you in a bad way, -
7:40 - 7:42and that is what counts.
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7:42 - 7:44Take your own feelings seriously as well.
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7:44 - 7:47And it's your reality -
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7:47 - 7:51nobody has a right to deny it.
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7:51 - 7:52Thank you.
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7:52 - 7:54(Applause)
- Title:
- "She is not actually bullied!" Why bullying is a subjective phenomenon | Beau Oldenburg | TEDxBreda
- Description:
-
Bullying happens in almost every group. At your school, workplace and sports club. Given that the consequences of bullying can be quite severe, it is important to stop it as soon as possible. However, Beau's research shows a lot of time and effort is wasted on discussing whether someone is actually bullied or not. Beau argues it would help if we would start treating bullying more as a subjective rather than as an objective phenomenon.
Beau Oldenburg works as a postdoctoral researcher at the Sociology Department of the University of Groningen. During her research Beau noticed that there often is a lot of discussion on whether certain people are actually bullied or not. She found that many students who felt bullied were not seen as victims of bullying by their classmates and teachers. In other words: perceptions on bullying differ a lot. Beau argues we should focus more on the perceived than on the actual bullying. Beau was born in Breda and is a proud Brabander; however, she is also passionate about improving the world and that is the reason why she moved all the way to Groningen to develop her academic career researching bullying.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 08:00