Medal of Returning to Castle Wolfenstein
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0:00 - 0:04"WARNING: the following show is intended for particular viewers.
People who're not into video games may stop watching now." -
0:07 - 0:12"LIMPING DOG" STUDIO PRESENTS
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0:13 - 0:16"Movie by Alexander Timchenko"
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0:20 - 0:29"Medal of Returning to Castle Wolfenstein"
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1:37 - 1:41"Dedicated to numerous world peace makers.
...In every world possible." -
1:45 - 1:47Hey, are you alive?
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1:51 - 1:53Oh wow, Lara Croft!
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1:53 - 1:54Hm. Yep.
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1:54 - 1:56A real one? - Hands off!
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1:56 - 1:57Who on Earth are you?
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1:58 - 1:59Tim. What happened?
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2:00 - 2:01What do you remember?
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2:01 - 2:04Well, I was at my place,
playing video games... -
2:04 - 2:06then something glitched in my computer,
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2:06 - 2:08then there was a flash, rumble,
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2:08 - 2:09and darkness.
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2:10 - 2:11I see.
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2:11 - 2:13Yet another Kraftmaschine.
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2:13 - 2:14What?
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2:14 - 2:15I'll explain later.
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2:16 - 2:18We need to get out of here now.
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2:19 - 2:20Hold on!
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2:20 - 2:23Can you tell me what's happening?
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2:23 - 2:24A raid! Germans!
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2:25 - 2:25Germans?
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2:26 - 2:28Yes, the Nazis.
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2:35 - 2:36Let's go!
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3:56 - 3:59Could you finally tell me what's happening?
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3:59 - 4:00What of that is unclear to you?
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4:00 - 4:02What happened to me?
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4:02 - 4:05Where are those Germans came from?
And those dungeons? And you, after all? -
4:05 - 4:08This is a virtual space of the computer game.
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4:08 - 4:11And we, including you as well,
are its characters. -
4:12 - 4:13What?!
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4:14 - 4:15And what game is this?
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4:16 - 4:18Oh, something about "Wolfenstein castle"...
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4:18 - 4:21Yeah, I was just starting this game
before it all happened. -
4:22 - 4:23But how did YOU manage to get here?
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4:24 - 4:25Pretty much like you did.
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4:25 - 4:28I was getting out of ancient temple ruins,
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4:28 - 4:29and then everything started collapsing.
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4:30 - 4:32There was a bright flash
and then I passed out. -
4:33 - 4:34Woke up here.
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4:35 - 4:37And what's the Kraft-Maschine
you were talking about? -
4:37 - 4:45It's Germans. They're doing experiments with some device
that adjusts itself on spirituel power of ancient artifacts -
4:45 - 4:46and teleports...
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4:46 - 4:47Artifacts?
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4:47 - 4:51Right. I had the sacred amulet
of great goddess Ishtar with me... -
4:52 - 4:54In fact, I appeared here right because of it.
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4:54 - 4:56And the amulet is theirs now.
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4:57 - 5:00Listen, I had no artifacts with me back then!
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5:00 - 5:02Well, something must've gone wrong
on their side then. -
5:03 - 5:05Probably due to space fluctuation
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5:05 - 5:10your psychosomatic matrix got overlapped
with the game engine, and now you're here. -
5:10 - 5:12But how can I get out, could you tell me?
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5:12 - 5:15We have to re-adjust Kraft-Maschine for
reversing the proccess. -
5:15 - 5:18But, I'm afraid, accessing
that device is quite problematic. -
5:33 - 5:35So this is your shelter?
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5:36 - 5:39I can't remember this place, though I've
beaten the game multiple times. -
5:40 - 5:43You had a script, while this plot
is non-linear. -
5:44 - 5:46Hm, how complicated.
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5:48 - 5:48Oh!
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5:50 - 5:51Check out my new hat.
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5:52 - 5:54You look like a German plumber.
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5:55 - 5:57Yeah, sure, you Tambov Rider ass.
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5:57 - 6:00By the way, how long you planned to stay here?
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6:00 - 6:00I don't know.
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6:00 - 6:02I need to retrieve the artifact back,
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6:02 - 6:04and you're gonna help me with that.
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6:04 - 6:05Why?
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6:05 - 6:09Its presence in this area breaks the
balance between worlds, -
6:09 - 6:12and this might cause displacement of layers
of virtual reality. -
6:13 - 6:14So what then?
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6:14 - 6:19Well, imagine if, let's say, The Sims will
get invaded by Operation Flashpoint guys. -
6:19 - 6:20Ohohoh.
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6:20 - 6:24Or, maybe, you'll suddenly morph
into a nice zweihander+2, -
6:24 - 6:29in heavy valyrian steel armor,
against a marine with plasmagun. -
6:29 - 6:31Well, yeah, game balance and stuff...
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6:32 - 6:33But why me?
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6:33 - 6:34Because you have no choice.
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6:35 - 6:36Is such the script?
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6:36 - 6:39No, it's either you help me
or Germans will shoot you down. -
6:40 - 6:41What for?!
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6:41 - 6:43For being a Russian spy.
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6:43 - 6:44Great...
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6:45 - 6:46I'll be with you.
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6:46 - 6:47Very good then.
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6:47 - 6:50There is a vent shaft nearby,
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6:50 - 6:52we can get into the bunker through it.
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6:52 - 6:54It leads to the secret factory.
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6:54 - 6:57They surely want to construct some
atrocious weapon there. -
6:57 - 6:58Look:
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6:59 - 7:00There - are guards' barracks.
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7:00 - 7:02Manufacturing facility here,
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7:02 - 7:04railroad station...
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7:05 - 7:07This - is a research complex
and factory management. -
7:08 - 7:10The artifact must be somewhere there.
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7:10 - 7:12And any weapons at us?
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7:12 - 7:13Yes, take a look.
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7:18 - 7:19Here, pick yourself something.
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7:19 - 7:21Wow, a whole arsenal.
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7:21 - 7:22But where from?
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7:22 - 7:23Echoes of the war.
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8:09 - 8:10Ready?
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8:32 - 8:34Lara, you'll never get married.
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8:34 - 8:35I don't like cooking.
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9:51 - 10:02[Note: in the song Rammstein says that
they're not Nazis, but more left-leaning. Ironic.] -
11:55 - 11:55Lara!
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13:22 - 13:23Check the lockers.
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13:34 - 13:35What you got there?
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13:36 - 13:37A PDA.
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13:38 - 13:39A very useful thing.
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13:45 - 13:45"Personal data"
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13:45 - 13:47"Current mission objectives"
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13:56 - 13:58Tim, they're many there!
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13:58 - 13:59I'm coming, I am.
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14:00 - 14:03Here, press Shift when I'll jump.
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14:43 - 14:44- What are we waiting for?
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14:44 - 14:46- We must expel the palefaces from Indiana!
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14:46 - 14:49- And then,
all our red brothers will follow our lead! -
14:49 - 14:53- We've been expelling them for so many times,
and they've been returning again... -
14:54 - 14:56- And now it'll be the same.
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15:04 - 15:05- ...can't wait any longer!
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15:17 - 15:19"Hold F to switch Sten to MP-44"
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15:29 - 15:29What's there?
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15:31 - 15:32Hang on!
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15:35 - 15:36I got it.
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15:36 - 15:41they transfered the artifact
to some secret lab. An X-Lab. -
15:41 - 15:43Ah, I was there.
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16:12 - 16:14They're too many!
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16:20 - 16:20"Settings"
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16:21 - 16:23"Difficulty level:"
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17:12 - 17:13Whoo!
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17:13 - 17:15Grrreat bang.
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17:54 - 17:55Boom.
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18:02 - 18:04Let's blow something else!
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18:04 - 18:06There is a tunnel ahead.
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18:06 - 18:07Will crumble it!
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18:28 - 18:29How is it, Tim?
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18:30 - 18:31Battery died.
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18:34 - 18:35Let's go by feet then.
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18:50 - 18:52What a nice weather today...
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18:53 - 18:54Hot.
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18:56 - 18:59Oh, Tim, look at those beautiful flowers!
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18:59 - 19:00Wait here, i'll be right back.
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19:08 - 19:08La..
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19:08 - 19:09...ra!
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19:17 - 19:18What a flipping fool.
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19:20 - 19:21"Saves"
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19:23 - 19:24"08_road"
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19:24 - 19:26"Load"
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19:31 - 19:33Nice weather today, isn't it, Lar?
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19:33 - 19:35A common weather.
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19:35 - 19:36Yeah?
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19:36 - 19:38Lara, do you like flowers?
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19:38 - 19:39What flowers?
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19:40 - 19:43Those, right there. So beautiful.
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19:43 - 19:44Don't be stupid.
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20:22 - 20:24Lara, do you like sunflower seeds?
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20:24 - 20:25Quiet, you!
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20:25 - 20:26Oh wow.
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20:27 - 20:30It'd better to have something edible inside.
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20:30 - 20:32Take your gun off the safety first.
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20:51 - 20:52Check the room in.
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21:03 - 21:03Nobody here.
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21:03 - 21:05We'll spend the night here then.
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21:06 - 21:08We should check the basement for food.
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21:08 - 21:09And set the fireplace up.
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21:11 - 21:13I still don't get it.
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21:13 - 21:14Where did all this come from?
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21:14 - 21:15What?
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21:15 - 21:19Those Germans, that secret factory,
Wolfenstein in whole. -
21:19 - 21:21It's a reality, but a virtual one after all.
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21:22 - 21:23It doesn't actually exist!
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21:24 - 21:27And where did this
Moldavian sherry of '94 come from? -
21:28 - 21:31Have you heard anything about
mental correlation of homeostatic systems? -
21:32 - 21:33Say what?
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21:34 - 21:37Do you know that thoughts
may materialize itself? -
21:37 - 21:41Ah, that things will eventually happen
if I think of them hard enough? -
21:41 - 21:43I don't think it's real.
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21:43 - 21:44And is the sherry real?
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21:44 - 21:45What's with the sherry?
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21:45 - 21:47Have you thought about it today?
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21:47 - 21:48Well, I've been recalling it.
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21:48 - 21:51Also I've thought about Zhigulevskoe beer,
but it's not here. -
21:52 - 21:53Thought about too much at once.
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21:54 - 21:57You say that all this world with the sherry
is imagined by me? -
21:58 - 22:00One man is not enough.
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22:00 - 22:02But do you know how many of you, gamers, up there?
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22:02 - 22:03What's up with that?
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22:03 - 22:06People play games, that's what.
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22:06 - 22:07This reality is virtual for them,
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22:08 - 22:09but they live in it,
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22:09 - 22:12and together they create another crazy world.
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22:12 - 22:15Yeah, people must
have forgotten Wolfenstein nowadays. -
22:15 - 22:19Right, and if a game is forgotten,
its world eventually starts disappearing. -
22:19 - 22:21It stops feeding on energy from players.
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22:22 - 22:25And so Germans decided to leech it
from worlds of other games. -
22:26 - 22:27That is why they need my artifact.
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22:27 - 22:31So the Wolfenstein Germans
can destroy Tomb Raider? -
22:31 - 22:32Correct.
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22:32 - 22:33That's bullcrap.
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22:34 - 22:36But it's pretty close to their nature, though.
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22:36 - 22:39Global domination, Fourth Reich,
the usual stuff. -
22:39 - 22:42Okay, we gotta go to sleep,
tomorrow's gonna be long day. -
22:42 - 22:45Yeah, we will show them space fluctuation.
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22:46 - 22:48We'll be sleeping in shifts.
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22:48 - 22:49How about we sleep together?
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22:49 - 22:50Don't even dream about it.
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22:50 - 22:52Wake me up at 3 AM.
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22:52 - 22:54Okay, have a good night.
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23:23 - 23:25Tim, you overslept it, you dog!
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23:27 - 23:28What is it?
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23:28 - 23:29We have guests, that's what!
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23:42 - 23:45Well, we've got a car now.
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23:45 - 23:47Why didn't you wake me up?!
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23:48 - 23:51I'm, well, was correlating homeostat...
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23:51 - 23:52Damn smartpants.
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23:52 - 23:55Alright, let's move out of there.
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24:08 - 24:14Oh, Lar, we are offered a job:
howitzer ammo to Paderborn. -
24:14 - 24:16They are paying well, shall we take it?
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24:16 - 24:21Drop that, Tim, we got to reach X-Lab, now!
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24:21 - 24:22Trucker my butt...
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24:23 - 24:24Oh, come on!
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25:40 - 25:41What is it?
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25:43 - 25:44Get ready.
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26:34 - 26:35Alright.
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26:36 - 26:37Well, not completely.
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26:42 - 26:44Was that really necessary?
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26:44 - 26:45Of course!
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26:45 - 26:46Barbaric.
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26:58 - 26:59I'm shot!
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27:12 - 27:13Any problem?
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27:17 - 27:19Well, no more cheats for us.
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27:20 - 27:22Your cheats are right behind you.
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28:33 - 28:35We need a red key.
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28:35 - 28:36There it is!
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29:54 - 29:55Who was that, Tim?
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29:55 - 29:58Nobody knows actually.
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29:58 - 30:00But wherever he goes, troubles happen.
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30:00 - 30:03Let's see. He must be went out of there.
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30:08 - 30:10He looked so mysterious...
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30:10 - 30:12He is not a robot, you know.
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30:12 - 30:14Yeah, so where to go now?
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30:14 - 30:15Let's follow him maybe.
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30:26 - 30:28We've just got incredibly lucky.
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30:28 - 30:30Our situation reminded me something.
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30:30 - 30:31What exactly?
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30:32 - 30:37I saw it in a movie. There was also a black guy
who preached with a pistol in his hand. -
30:56 - 30:57Facking geneticists.
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30:57 - 30:59Who is that paleface?
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31:00 - 31:04Oberfuhrer SS Wilhelm Strasse,
nicknamed Deathshead. -
31:04 - 31:05He is in charge here.
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31:06 - 31:07How do you know?
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31:07 - 31:09I've played this game, after all.
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31:09 - 31:09Ah, right.
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31:24 - 31:28He's leaving!
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33:06 - 33:07One more!
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33:31 - 33:33Tim, what the hell were those things?
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33:33 - 33:35Cacodemons.
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33:35 - 33:36Demons?
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33:36 - 33:38Yes, Caco-demons.
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33:38 - 33:39How have they got here?
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33:39 - 33:40No idea.
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33:40 - 33:41Probably like we have.
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33:41 - 33:43That's no good.
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33:43 - 33:46Those experiments have gone too far!
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33:46 - 33:47We must stop it as quick as possible!
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33:47 - 33:51Yes, let's find that "Dead Head" and rip it off.
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34:01 - 34:02What is THAT?
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34:02 - 34:04Something where we definitely shoudln't go.
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34:04 - 34:08That's where they got cacodemons from.
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34:08 - 34:09Have you been there?
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34:09 - 34:10Yeah, happened to.
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34:10 - 34:11And how is it?
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34:11 - 34:12Scary.
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34:12 - 34:14Maybe he went that way after all?
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34:14 - 34:16What is he, a madman?
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34:16 - 34:16Well...
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36:07 - 36:08Open up.
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36:29 - 36:30Look at that!
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36:44 - 36:46Sehr gut, sehr gut.
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36:51 - 36:52That's our man.
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36:53 - 36:54A sick man.
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36:54 - 36:56Well, depends on how you see it.
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37:05 - 37:07Wow, a cut-you-in-halves device.
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37:08 - 37:09A great thing.
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37:10 - 37:11Brand-new German cutter.
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37:12 - 37:14The cutter is easy to avoid -
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37:14 - 37:16you just need to stand in front of it,
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37:16 - 37:18and when it starts opening,
make a quick step forward. -
37:31 - 37:33This corridor looks quite suspicious.
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37:34 - 37:34Yeah.
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37:38 - 37:38Run!
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37:48 - 37:49Holy crap!
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38:01 - 38:02What's next?
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38:02 - 38:03Next...
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38:06 - 38:07That's what's next.
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38:17 - 38:18How are you?
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38:18 - 38:19I'm fine.
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38:23 - 38:24Well done!
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38:25 - 38:27Hey people, what the war was about?
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38:28 - 38:30Oh, Max! Hi!
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38:30 - 38:31Tim? Hello.
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38:32 - 38:33Lara, this is my friend Max.
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38:33 - 38:35Max, it's Lara Croft, you see that?
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38:36 - 38:37I see. Nice to meet you.
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38:38 - 38:39Wow, everyone around know me.
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38:40 - 38:42Well, you're sort of a pop star.
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38:42 - 38:43Where are we?
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38:43 - 38:45That's, uh, Wolfenstein.
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38:45 - 38:47Ah, so that's why this place
seems so familiar. -
38:48 - 38:49Are you lost or what?
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38:49 - 38:52I can't find goddamn Delta complex here.
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38:52 - 38:54We've seen the door you need.
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38:54 - 38:57Go back there, then get down to the workshop,
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38:57 - 38:59go past it, then turn to the right...
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38:59 - 39:01and ask someone there for directions.
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39:01 - 39:03There is nobody to ask anymore.
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39:03 - 39:05Alright, I'll find it somehow.
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39:05 - 39:06And what are YOU doing here?
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39:07 - 39:09We are looking for Wilhelm the "Death's Head".
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39:09 - 39:13Ah, the bald guy in leather threnchcoat?
No, haven't seen him. -
39:13 - 39:15There is nobody to ask anymore as well,
I guess? -
39:15 - 39:16Well, yup.
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39:16 - 39:18What's actually going on here?
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39:18 - 39:23Oh, you know... Germans stole
from Lara the unbelieavably powerful artifact. -
39:23 - 39:25And want to leech all energy
from different games with it. -
39:25 - 39:29And now layers of virtual reality
started displacing. -
39:29 - 39:31They even managed to bring Cacos here.
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39:31 - 39:34And made a lotta space fluctuation.
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39:34 - 39:35Horrifying.
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39:36 - 39:37Gotta save this world again.
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39:38 - 39:39And as soon, as possible.
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39:40 - 39:42Yeah, do you happen to have some ammo?
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39:42 - 39:43'Cause, you know...
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39:44 - 39:47No problem, Lara's really packing,
ya know. -
39:47 - 39:48Stop it, Tim!
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39:49 - 39:50Thanks.
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39:50 - 39:51And good luck...
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39:51 - 39:53In your searching for stolen stuff.
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39:53 - 39:55Bye. Good luck to you too.
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39:55 - 39:58It was nice to meet you.
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40:05 - 40:06How about a blue key?
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40:07 - 40:09Let's go search for it
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40:10 - 40:13You sent him there, but there're lasers
and the cutter. -
40:13 - 40:15Those won't harm him.
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40:15 - 40:16Why so?
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40:16 - 40:18He is from different game.
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40:18 - 40:20He has cutters of his own, we have ours.
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40:20 - 40:21How is so?
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40:21 - 40:22Haven't you read Pelevin?
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40:23 - 40:23No.
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40:24 - 40:24Bad for you!
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40:25 - 40:28Prince of Gosplan is the best book
about video games. -
40:36 - 40:36Run?
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41:15 - 41:16Dead end.
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41:17 - 41:18No, it's not.
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41:27 - 41:28You coming or not?
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41:29 - 41:30I am, give me a second.
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43:03 - 43:06He wants to activate that thing!
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44:00 - 44:02Chase him, quick!
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44:06 - 44:06Lost him!
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44:09 - 44:11I guess we're in trouble.
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44:12 - 44:13Gas!
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44:23 - 44:24What's happening, Lara?
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44:24 - 44:26I think they want to poison us!
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44:28 - 44:29Open up, hey!
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44:32 - 44:33Nazi scum!
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44:35 - 44:36Tim...
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44:38 - 44:40Tim, I can't...
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44:42 - 44:43Lara, hold on!
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44:44 - 44:45Lara!
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45:43 - 45:46Rise and shine, Mr. Freeman...
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45:46 - 45:47I mean, Tim.
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45:48 - 45:50Rise and...
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45:50 - 45:51...sing us something.
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45:52 - 45:55As always, you happened to be
in a wrong place in a wrong time. -
45:56 - 45:58And now great deeds await you.
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45:59 - 46:01So rise, Tim!
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46:01 - 46:04Something has to be done with this world quick.
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46:12 - 46:13Uuugh...
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46:14 - 46:15Hi, Lara.
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46:15 - 46:17Darn, I've just had a really nutty dream.
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46:18 - 46:19Where are we?
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46:19 - 46:21Welcome to castle Wolfenstein!
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46:22 - 46:23In its dungeons, to be accurate.
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46:24 - 46:25Wolfenstein?
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46:25 - 46:27We got captured?
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46:28 - 46:29Woah, who's that?
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46:29 - 46:31Quiet, someone is coming.
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46:51 - 46:52Hold on.
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46:52 - 46:53There's another one.
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46:58 - 46:59Drop the gun!
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47:51 - 47:52Hands up!
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47:54 - 47:55How many people are in the castle?
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47:59 - 48:01Tim, put him on the table.
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48:01 - 48:01Yup!
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48:03 - 48:04Put the glass down.
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48:04 - 48:06You won't need it anymore.
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48:09 - 48:11You are free to go, comrade!
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48:19 - 48:20Don't move!
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48:21 - 48:22Quiet, quiet, you.
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48:24 - 48:25Stay quiet!
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48:38 - 48:39Tim!
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49:02 - 49:02Tim!
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49:13 - 49:14Died.
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49:14 - 49:15So what were you talking about?
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49:16 - 49:19Paranormal division of SS
is being extracted. -
49:19 - 49:21They depart to Tibet tomorrow.
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49:21 - 49:22Death's Head is there.
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49:22 - 49:23Why Tibet?
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49:23 - 49:25They must be looking for Hyperborea.
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49:25 - 49:27Sickos. And where do we go now?
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49:28 - 49:29To the airdrome.
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49:29 - 49:31We need to catch them there, let's go.
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50:05 - 50:06You're pretty cruel, Lara.
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50:06 - 50:08Look! Our stuff!
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50:22 - 50:24I'll take this one.
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50:28 - 50:29Lar, someone's coming!
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54:05 - 54:06What is it, Tim?
-
54:07 - 54:09It's kinda too grim in here.
-
54:09 - 54:11Don't think about it, there's no time.
-
54:24 - 54:26- WELCOME TO 'QUAKE 3 ARENA'!
-
54:32 - 54:33What is that?
-
54:40 - 54:41- YOU HAVE TAKEN THE LEAD!
-
54:41 - 54:42Let's get out!
-
54:42 - 54:44It's gonna be really hard here soon!
-
54:59 - 55:01Where have we got ourslelves now?
-
55:01 - 55:02Dunno.
-
55:02 - 55:05But I think we need onto the other side.
-
55:05 - 55:06And how do we get there?
-
55:07 - 55:09Well, there should be some switch,
-
55:09 - 55:13that we need to pull
so some bridge appeared. -
55:13 - 55:14We have the switches...
-
55:15 - 55:16...on the other side.
-
55:19 - 55:21I wonder why are they there.
-
55:22 - 55:24Then, we should see for a button.
-
55:24 - 55:25Maybe behind that door?
-
55:26 - 55:27Let's find out.
-
55:45 - 55:47So we are looking for a button?
-
55:47 - 55:48Well, yes.
-
55:50 - 55:53What's wrong, Lara? Isn't that
your element? -
55:54 - 55:55What do you mean?
-
55:55 - 55:57I mean, you explore basements
like this one really often. -
55:58 - 56:01Exactly, I know such places very well.
-
56:01 - 56:04They're always inhabited
by something nasty. -
56:04 - 56:08Oh, every time I play Tomb Raider, you
just run through corridors completely alone. -
56:08 - 56:10Don't even have anything to shoot at.
-
56:10 - 56:14That's because Tomb Raider is an adventure,
not a regular pew-pew game. -
56:14 - 56:15What?!
-
56:15 - 56:19So you see shooters as
low-level entertainment for numbskulls? -
56:20 - 56:21You said it yourself.
-
56:21 - 56:22And you meant it!
-
56:23 - 56:25Take it easy, i don't actually think so.
-
56:25 - 56:27I also have to shoot sometimes, after all.
-
57:47 - 57:48Tim, behind you!
-
57:55 - 57:57They're millions here, let's get out!
-
57:59 - 58:00Just a minute!
-
58:36 - 58:37What's next?
-
58:37 - 58:38Dunno.
-
59:01 - 59:05Excuse me, have you seen a white rabbit?
-
59:05 - 59:09The one with little red eyes,
always looking at his watch? -
59:10 - 59:10Yes.
-
59:10 - 59:12He also wears a vest.
-
59:14 - 59:16No, we haven't.
-
59:16 - 59:17Too bad!
-
59:17 - 59:19Pardon me, I've got to go.
-
59:21 - 59:22Alice, wait!
-
59:22 - 59:25You better don't go there,
it's pretty dangerous. -
59:26 - 59:29Oh, don't worry, I can protect myself.
-
59:38 - 59:41Didn't you say earlier
that everyone's got their own "cutters"? -
59:41 - 59:42I did, yes.
-
59:43 - 59:43Still...
-
59:49 - 59:51She'll handle them.
-
59:51 - 59:53Yeh, those zombies're in trouble now.
-
60:12 - 60:13What was it?
-
60:13 - 60:14A fighter plane.
-
60:15 - 60:17Oh, look, what is it over there?
-
60:21 - 60:22Stay here.
-
60:31 - 60:33Amazing.
-
60:42 - 60:45You rock, Lara. Just like in circus!
-
60:45 - 60:47Let's keep going already.
-
60:57 - 60:58Locked.
-
61:18 - 61:19You saw that?
-
61:19 - 61:21I found a secret area.
-
61:21 - 61:23It's looted already though.
-
61:25 - 61:27And I picked the lock open.
-
61:27 - 61:28Let's go!
-
61:34 - 61:35Laaaraaa!
-
61:35 - 61:37So much port wine!
-
61:37 - 61:39Uh-huh,
look what your port does to people. -
61:53 - 61:56Lar, if I didn't know you're a lady,
I would think that you got possessed... -
61:57 - 61:58I just don't like them.
-
63:18 - 63:19They're coming here.
-
65:18 - 65:19Tim, get at the wheel!
-
65:27 - 65:28Quick, turn around!
-
65:38 - 65:40Wait, stop turning around!
-
65:40 - 65:41To other side!
-
68:12 - 68:18"Mission passed!"
"Respect +" -
68:51 - 68:54Listen, Lara, why are we here?
-
68:54 - 68:56Tomorrow we'll meet their troops
on the airdrome. -
68:56 - 68:58We've got to upgrade our car.
-
68:58 - 69:00And how far is the airdrome away?
-
69:00 - 69:01Just 2 kilometers north.
-
69:01 - 69:03Won't neighbors be a problem?
-
69:03 - 69:04What neighbours?
-
69:04 - 69:07All private vehicles
are requisitioned due to war time needs. -
69:07 - 69:08There is nobody than us.
-
69:09 - 69:11But these garages don't actually
look German. -
69:12 - 69:13My neighbor has a garage just like this one.
-
69:14 - 69:16Tim, why do you care about that?
-
69:16 - 69:18We've got a place to prepare our car anyway.
-
69:18 - 69:20By the way, I always wondered...
-
69:20 - 69:23How do you keep so much gear
in your tiny backpack? -
69:23 - 69:27There is no actual gear in there,
but its binary code. -
69:27 - 69:28So?
-
69:28 - 69:29"So" what?
-
69:30 - 69:31So what then?
-
69:31 - 69:34I don't know how it works exactly myself.
-
69:34 - 69:36The Matrix things, to be brief.
-
69:36 - 69:37Are we starting to work or not?
-
69:37 - 69:38We are.
-
69:38 - 69:39So let's go then!
-
69:41 - 69:43"Pimp my ride"
-
71:35 - 71:39Yeeeah, with such ride we'll
give them the hell of a battle. -
71:39 - 71:41We'll get my artifact back and get out.
-
71:41 - 71:42But how?
-
71:43 - 71:47That torturer from the dungeon said that
they'll take the Kraftraummaschine with them. -
71:47 - 71:48I see.
-
71:49 - 71:52Listen, that means we're gonna have
our 'final level' tomorrow. -
71:52 - 71:53Right.
-
71:53 - 71:56Which means they'll place
against us a damn tough boss. -
71:57 - 71:58A Super-soldier?
-
71:58 - 71:59Probably.
-
71:59 - 72:04Anyway, it's gonna be something big,
steely and lock'n'loaded. -
72:04 - 72:08This thing shoots 12mm rounds,
it can kill airplanes. -
72:08 - 72:09Oh funny will it be.
-
72:09 - 72:12Yes, but now we've got to go to sleep,
it's late already. -
72:12 - 72:13But where?
-
72:13 - 72:15I'll be sleeping upstairs, there is a sofa.
-
72:15 - 72:17Maybe it'll fit both of us?
-
72:17 - 72:19Nope, spend it in the car.
-
72:20 - 72:22Just don't correlate here anything.
-
72:25 - 72:27Good night, lady Croft.
-
74:38 - 74:38Is this it?
-
74:39 - 74:39Yes.
-
74:40 - 74:43The sacred pentacle of great Ishtar.
-
74:43 - 74:47This artifact contains huge magical power.
-
74:47 - 74:48Gold?
-
74:48 - 74:50No, it's Sumerian bronze.
-
74:50 - 74:52That must be around 6 kilograms.
-
74:53 - 74:54Oh, look!
-
75:00 - 75:01Into the car, quick!
-
75:25 - 75:26There's more of them!
-
76:00 - 76:01You OK?
-
76:06 - 76:08Our guns are nothing to it!
-
76:10 - 76:12Here, try this one.
-
76:12 - 76:15Lara! You're the best! It's like a dream!
-
76:19 - 76:20Hey, you've got the artifact.
-
76:21 - 76:23Cast something, and I'll cover you.
-
76:23 - 76:26I don't know what spells can it do!
-
76:26 - 76:28Well, try turning that thing into a rock.
-
76:41 - 76:43- YOU HAVE TAKEN THE LEAD!
-
76:43 - 76:44- EXCELLENT!
-
76:48 - 76:49- HOLY SHIT!
-
76:54 - 76:56Tim, it's not working!
-
76:56 - 76:57Put it into sunlight.
-
76:57 - 76:58And speak louder!
-
77:18 - 77:19Well, that will do.
-
77:20 - 77:21What is this shit, Lara?
-
77:21 - 77:25That's not shit,
it's great Babylonian sacral stone. -
77:25 - 77:27The goddess punishes sinners with it.
-
77:27 - 77:29And also they were
noticed in Indiana Jones. -
77:29 - 77:30Where?!
-
77:31 - 77:33Eh, nevermind. We did it!
-
77:33 - 77:34Yes, we did.
-
77:35 - 77:37Now we've got to find the teleport.
-
77:37 - 77:38It must be in that hangar.
-
77:39 - 77:41Yet I've got a feeling that
we forgot something. -
77:41 - 77:42What is it?
-
77:43 - 77:47In the end of every decent journey,
there is always a case with money appears. -
77:47 - 77:51And what will we do with Reichsmarks?
Emigrate to Argentina? -
77:51 - 77:54In decent journey,
there should be decent cash. -
77:54 - 77:56Tim, you're so childish!
-
77:56 - 77:58Just you wait for a sec, look over there!
-
78:00 - 78:02So what did I just say?
-
78:02 - 78:03Give me a 'nade.
-
78:03 - 78:04Are you crazy?
-
78:04 - 78:05Don't you worry.
-
78:05 - 78:06Hold it.
-
78:22 - 78:23Don't you feel sorry for him?
-
78:24 - 78:26He has't done anything bad to us.
-
78:26 - 78:27That's not for sure yet.
-
78:28 - 78:32I know a nuclear physicist, who
had a really bad time because of him. -
78:32 - 78:35So let him rest here. For a while.
-
78:35 - 78:36Until we get out.
-
78:39 - 78:40What is this?
-
78:41 - 78:42Dollars.
-
78:42 - 78:43Nigerian dollars.
-
78:44 - 78:45Decent journey his ass.
-
78:45 - 78:47What to do with these?
-
78:47 - 78:50Have a vacation in Nigeria, that's what.
-
78:50 - 78:51Exchange them to proper dollars there...
-
78:51 - 78:52We've got a lot anyway.
-
78:52 - 78:54Look, here's someone else.
-
78:59 - 79:01Where are these guys from?
-
79:01 - 79:02I have no idea.
-
79:02 - 79:04Hopefully they aren't for the cash.
-
79:04 - 79:05Just smile.
-
79:05 - 79:06H-hello!..
-
79:09 - 79:10Sergeant O'Connel.
-
79:10 - 79:12101st parachute division.
-
79:12 - 79:14We're looking for our men after landing.
-
79:14 - 79:15Have you seen anyone around here?
-
79:16 - 79:16No.
-
79:17 - 79:19And whose work is THAT?
-
79:19 - 79:20Dunno.
-
79:20 - 79:21We're archeologists -
-
79:21 - 79:22she is English, I'm Russian.
-
79:22 - 79:23Allies?
-
79:24 - 79:25Well, take care.
-
79:25 - 79:27These places are still full of Jerries.
-
79:27 - 79:29OK, guys, moving on!
-
79:31 - 79:33Did you understand any of this?
-
79:33 - 79:37I think we're observing the displacement
of layers of virtual reality. -
79:37 - 79:38Well played.
-
79:38 - 79:39We must get out.
-
79:39 - 79:42Yes, there's somebody to
look after this place now. -
79:50 - 79:51Is this the teleport?
-
79:51 - 79:51Yes.
-
79:52 - 79:53Der Kraftraummaschine.
-
79:53 - 79:55Do you know how it works?
-
79:55 - 79:55Let's find out.
-
80:13 - 80:14Just set it to Nigeria.
-
80:14 - 80:17You and your Nigeria can wait!
-
80:31 - 80:32Hey, what's that for?
-
80:34 - 80:37It's going to blow up in a minute
after we leave. -
80:38 - 80:40And what if something'll go wrong?
-
80:42 - 80:43Everything'll be fine.
-
81:25 - 81:27What happened, Lara?
-
81:27 - 81:29Something went wrong...
-
81:35 - 81:39LAAAAARAAAAA!
-
81:54 - 82:01"Voice actors: Alexander Timchenko - Tim, sadist doctor;
Yelena Timchenko - Lara; Maxim Mamonov - Max;
Yury Kovalevich - Death's Head..." -
82:01 - 82:05"...Valery Maksakov - sgt. O'Connel;
Dina Olenevich - Alice; Alexey Shevchenko,
Yury Mosintsev & Vladimir Shestopalov - various Germans" -
82:07 - 82:14"And, what's typical, nobody among them
was a professional voice actor. They're talented
in other fields of human activity, so don't be too severe..." -
82:14 - 82:22"Direction, script, models, animation
and other CG, SFX: Alexander Timchenko" -
82:22 - 82:27"The following software
was used during film creation: ..." -
82:27 - 82:31"This film uses textures and sounds
from the following PC games: ..." -
82:31 - 82:39"Music: ...DK - I don't love you, [...],
Umka and Br° - Hitch-hiking blues, some GTA 3 song,
Jan Ku - No one's gonna stop me,..." -
82:39 - 82:41"...Dolphin - The spring, [...],
Bondzinsky - Discipline..." -
82:42 - 82:50"Well, it was very interesting and fun to mess around with this.
Thanks to everyone who waited for its release..." -
82:50 - 82:56"Particular thanks to Max Mamonov, Yury Kovalevich
and Alexey Timchenko for periodical stimulating
and motivating the process persuasively. That's all." -
82:56 - 83:00[Captioned by Lgs_pro, aka Legooos,
corrected by Arch-Pig743] -
83:00 - 83:09(c) 2011 "Limping dog", timmm3@yandex.ru
- Title:
- Medal of Returning to Castle Wolfenstein
- Description:
-
Alexander Timchenko, citizen of Vladivostok, for 6 years — from 2005 till 2011 — almost by himself had been doing an animated movie about the adventures of Tim the ancient video games enjoyer and Lara Croft the ancient tombs enjoyer. Unlike most of homegrown artists, he finished the doing successfully. This means that you can easily watch a 90-minute toon via internet. And watching it is pretty fun, if you know mega-hits of second half of the 90s!
Alexander Timchenko is not Pixar studio, of course. The models are pretty plain, animated quite simply, voice-acted imperfectly. If it displeases you, there's no reason to torture self. On the other hand, that is how video game characters looked back then! And while one will see technical imperfection, other one will enjoy well-up art stylization.
- Video Language:
- Russian
- Duration:
- 01:23:20
Arch-Pig743 edited English subtitles for Medal for Return to Wolfenstein Castle | ||
Arch-Pig743 edited English subtitles for Medal for Return to Wolfenstein Castle | ||
Arch-Pig743 edited English subtitles for Medal for Return to Wolfenstein Castle | ||
Arch-Pig743 edited English subtitles for Medal for Return to Wolfenstein Castle | ||
Arch-Pig743 edited English subtitles for Medal for Return to Wolfenstein Castle | ||
Arch-Pig743 edited English subtitles for Medal for Return to Wolfenstein Castle | ||
Arch-Pig743 edited English subtitles for Medal for Return to Wolfenstein Castle | ||
Arch-Pig743 edited English subtitles for Medal for Return to Wolfenstein Castle |