How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia
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0:01 - 0:03Thirty years ago,
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0:03 - 0:05I walked into a nursing home,
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0:06 - 0:08and my life changed forever.
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0:09 - 0:13I was there to visit my grandmother Alice.
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0:13 - 0:16She was a very powerful woman
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0:16 - 0:20who had lost a battle with a stroke
that stole her ability to speak. -
0:21 - 0:24Alice had just three forms
of communication left. -
0:24 - 0:30She had this sound
that was like, "tss, tss, tss," -
0:30 - 0:32that she could shift in tone
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0:32 - 0:35from emphatic, "no, no, no,"
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0:35 - 0:39to enticing, "yes, you've almost got it."
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0:40 - 0:44She had an incredibly
expressive index finger, -
0:44 - 0:48which she could shake
and point with frustration. -
0:48 - 0:52And she had these enormous pale blue eyes
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0:52 - 0:55that she could open
and close for emphasis. -
0:56 - 0:59Wide open seemed to say,
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0:59 - 1:01"Yes, you've almost got it,"
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1:01 - 1:04and closing slowly
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1:04 - 1:08was -- well, it didn't really
need much translation. -
1:09 - 1:12It turns out that Alice had taught me
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1:12 - 1:14that everyone has a story.
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1:15 - 1:18Everyone has a story.
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1:18 - 1:20The challenge for the listener
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1:20 - 1:23is how to invite it into being,
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1:23 - 1:25and how to really hear it.
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1:27 - 1:30Now, Alzheimer's and dementia,
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1:30 - 1:33these are two words that,
when you say them in front of people, -
1:33 - 1:37you can watch a cloud descend over them.
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1:38 - 1:40You can imagine me at dinner parties.
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1:40 - 1:42"What do you do?"
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1:42 - 1:45"Well, I invite people with Alzheimer's
and dementia into expression. -
1:45 - 1:47Where are you going?"
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1:47 - 1:49(Laughter)
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1:49 - 1:55Fear and stigma wrap themselves
so tightly around an experience -
1:55 - 1:58that affects 47 million people
across the world, -
1:58 - 2:03and they can live with this diagnosis
for between 10 and 15 years, -
2:03 - 2:05and that number, 47 million,
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2:05 - 2:08is supposed to triple by 2050.
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2:09 - 2:12Family and friends can fade away,
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2:12 - 2:15because they don't know
how to be in your company, -
2:15 - 2:16they don't know what to say,
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2:16 - 2:18and suddenly,
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2:18 - 2:20when you need other people the most,
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2:20 - 2:23you can find yourself
really painfully alone, -
2:23 - 2:27unsure of the meaning
and the value of your own life. -
2:28 - 2:32Science is pushing for treatments,
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2:32 - 2:33dreaming of cures,
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2:35 - 2:39but loosening that grip of stigma and fear
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2:39 - 2:43could ease the pain
of so many people right now. -
2:43 - 2:47And luckily, meaningful connection
doesn't take a pill. -
2:48 - 2:50It takes reaching out.
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2:50 - 2:52It takes listening.
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2:53 - 2:55And it takes a dose of wonder.
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2:56 - 3:00That really has become my unending quest,
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3:00 - 3:02set in motion by Alice
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3:02 - 3:06and then later on by really
countless elders in nursing homes -
3:06 - 3:07and day centers
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3:07 - 3:10and those struggling to stay at home.
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3:10 - 3:13And it comes down to the question of how.
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3:14 - 3:16How do you meaningfully connect?
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3:17 - 3:21I got a big part of that answer
from a long-married couple -
3:21 - 3:24in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where I'm from,
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3:24 - 3:26Fran and Jim,
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3:27 - 3:32whom I met on a rather dreary winter day
in their tiny, little kitchen -
3:32 - 3:35in a humble duplex over by Lake Michigan.
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3:35 - 3:36And when I walked in,
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3:36 - 3:40Fran and a caregiver and a care manager
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3:40 - 3:42greeted me really warmly,
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3:42 - 3:46and Jim stood staring straight ahead,
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3:46 - 3:48silent.
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3:48 - 3:51He was on a long,
slow journey into dementia -
3:51 - 3:53and was now beyond words.
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3:55 - 3:58I was there as part of a project team.
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3:58 - 4:01We were doing what we called
"artistic house calls," -
4:01 - 4:03with a really simple goal
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4:03 - 4:07of inviting Jim into creative expression,
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4:07 - 4:09and hopeful in modeling
for Fran and the caregivers -
4:09 - 4:14how they could meaningfully connect
using imagination and wonder. -
4:15 - 4:17Now, this was going to be no small task,
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4:17 - 4:21because it turns out
Jim had not spoken in months. -
4:21 - 4:25Could he even respond
if I invited him into expression? -
4:25 - 4:26I didn't know.
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4:29 - 4:32Family members, when they try to connect,
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4:32 - 4:36most commonly will invoke a shared past.
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4:36 - 4:37We say things like,
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4:37 - 4:40"Do you remember that time?"
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4:40 - 4:41But nine times out of 10,
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4:41 - 4:46the pathway for that one answer
to travel in the brain is broken, -
4:46 - 4:48and we're left alone with a loved one
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4:48 - 4:50in the fog.
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4:50 - 4:52But there is another way in.
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4:53 - 4:56I call them beautiful questions.
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4:56 - 5:02A beautiful question is one
that opens a shared path of discovery. -
5:02 - 5:05With no right or wrong answer,
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5:05 - 5:10a beautiful question helps us
shift away from the expectation of memory -
5:10 - 5:13into the freedom of imagination,
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5:13 - 5:16a thousand possible responses
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5:16 - 5:18for people with cognitive challenges.
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5:19 - 5:22Now, back in the kitchen,
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5:22 - 5:23I did know one thing about Jim.
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5:23 - 5:28I knew that he liked
to walk along Lake Michigan, -
5:28 - 5:30and when I looked around that kitchen,
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5:30 - 5:32I saw, over by the stove,
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5:32 - 5:38this trunk that was just covered
in little pieces of driftwood. -
5:38 - 5:39And I thought,
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5:39 - 5:41"I'll try a question
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5:41 - 5:44that he could answer without words."
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5:44 - 5:46So I tried,
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5:46 - 5:48"Jim,
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5:48 - 5:51can you show me how water moves?"
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5:53 - 5:57It was silent for a while,
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5:57 - 6:01but then really slowly he took a step
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6:01 - 6:04over to that trunk
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6:04 - 6:08and he picked up a piece of the driftwood
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6:08 - 6:10and he held it out,
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6:11 - 6:16and then very slowly
he began to move his arm, -
6:17 - 6:19leading with that driftwood.
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6:21 - 6:24In his hand, it became buoyant,
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6:25 - 6:30in sync with the motion of the waves
that he made with his arms. -
6:31 - 6:34It began this slow journey
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6:34 - 6:37across calm waters,
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6:37 - 6:41this gentle rolling to the shore.
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6:43 - 6:47Transferring his weight
from left to right and back again, -
6:48 - 6:51Jim became the waves.
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6:54 - 6:58His grace and his strength
just took our breath away. -
6:59 - 7:01For 20 minutes,
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7:01 - 7:05he animated one piece
of driftwood after the other. -
7:07 - 7:09Suddenly, he was not disabled.
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7:10 - 7:12We were not gathered in this kitchen
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7:12 - 7:14for a care crisis.
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7:15 - 7:19Jim was a master puppeteer,
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7:19 - 7:21an artist,
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7:21 - 7:22a dancer.
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7:24 - 7:26Fran later told me
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7:26 - 7:30that that moment had been
a turning point for her, -
7:30 - 7:32that she learned how to connect with him
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7:32 - 7:35even as he progressed
through the dementia. -
7:36 - 7:39And it really became
a turning point for me, too. -
7:40 - 7:44I learned that this creative,
open-ended approach -
7:44 - 7:46could help families shift,
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7:46 - 7:49expand their understanding of dementia
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7:49 - 7:54as more than just
tragic emptiness and loss -
7:55 - 7:58into also meaningful connection
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7:58 - 7:59and hope
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7:59 - 8:01and love.
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8:02 - 8:06Because, creative expression in any form
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8:06 - 8:08is generative.
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8:08 - 8:13It helps make beauty and meaning and value
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8:13 - 8:16where there might have been
absolutely nothing before. -
8:18 - 8:21If we can infuse
that creativity into care, -
8:21 - 8:26caregivers can invite a partner
into meaning-making, -
8:26 - 8:30and in that moment, care,
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8:30 - 8:33which is so often associated with loss,
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8:34 - 8:36can become generative.
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8:37 - 8:42But so many settings of care
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8:42 - 8:45offer bingo
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8:45 - 8:47and balloon toss.
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8:49 - 8:53Activities are passive
and entertainment-oriented. -
8:53 - 8:58Elders sit and watch and applaud,
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9:00 - 9:03really just distracted
until the next meal. -
9:04 - 9:08Loved ones trying to keep
their partners at home -
9:08 - 9:10sometimes don't have anything to do,
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9:10 - 9:14and so they resort
to watching television alone, -
9:14 - 9:19which compounds the symptoms of dementia
with what researchers now tell us -
9:19 - 9:24really are the devastating impacts
of social isolation and loneliness. -
9:25 - 9:28But what if meaning-making
could be accessible -
9:28 - 9:33to elders and their care partners
wherever they lived? -
9:33 - 9:36I've really been totally
transformed and captivated -
9:36 - 9:40by bringing these
creative tools to caregivers -
9:40 - 9:44and watching that spark
of joy and connection, -
9:44 - 9:46discovering that creative play
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9:46 - 9:50can remind them of why
they do what they do. -
9:52 - 9:55Bringing this creative care to scale
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9:55 - 9:57could truly shift the field.
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9:58 - 10:00But could we do it?
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10:00 - 10:05Could we infuse it
into a whole care organization -
10:05 - 10:08or an entire care system?
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10:09 - 10:12The first step towards that goal for me
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10:12 - 10:17was to assemble a giant team
of artists and elders and caregivers -
10:17 - 10:20in one care facility in Milwaukee.
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10:21 - 10:24Together, over two years,
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10:24 - 10:29we tackled reimagining the story
of Homer's "Odyssey." -
10:31 - 10:33We explored themes.
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10:33 - 10:35We wrote poems.
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10:36 - 10:40Together, we created a mile-long weaving.
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10:40 - 10:43We choreographed original dances.
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10:43 - 10:47We even explored and learned Ancient Greek
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10:47 - 10:50with the help of a classics scholar.
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10:51 - 10:56Hundreds of creative workshops we embedded
into the daily activities calendar -
10:56 - 10:59and invited the family members
to join right along with us, -
10:59 - 11:04and had caregivers and staff
from every single area of care -
11:04 - 11:07collaborating on programming
for the first time. -
11:09 - 11:11The culminating moment
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11:11 - 11:13was an original,
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11:13 - 11:15professionally produced play
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11:15 - 11:20that blended the professional performers
right alongside the elders -
11:20 - 11:22and the caregivers,
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11:22 - 11:24and we invited a paying audience
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11:24 - 11:26to follow us from scene to scene,
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11:26 - 11:28one in the nursing home,
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11:28 - 11:31in the assisted living dining room,
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11:31 - 11:34and finally in the chapel
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11:34 - 11:36for the final scene
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11:36 - 11:38where a chorus of elders
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11:38 - 11:40all playing Penelope
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11:40 - 11:45lovingly welcomed Odysseus
and the audience home. -
11:47 - 11:51Together, we had dared
to make something beautiful, -
11:51 - 11:54to invite elders, some with dementia,
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11:54 - 11:56some on hospice,
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11:56 - 11:59into making meaning over time,
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11:59 - 12:02to learn and grow as artists.
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12:02 - 12:06All this in a place where people
were dying every day. -
12:07 - 12:10I find myself now in a place
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12:10 - 12:13where I'm having to tackle this challenge
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12:13 - 12:16of meeting a person with dementia
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12:16 - 12:18across that gap
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12:18 - 12:19in a more personal way.
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12:20 - 12:23At a family dinner over the holidays,
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12:23 - 12:26my mother, who was seated next to me,
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12:26 - 12:30turned to me and said, "Where's Annie?"
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12:31 - 12:37My funny and beautiful and feisty mother
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12:37 - 12:39had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
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12:40 - 12:44And I found myself in that place
that everyone dreads. -
12:44 - 12:45She didn't recognize me.
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12:47 - 12:50And I had to figure out fast
if I could do what I'd been coaching -
12:50 - 12:53thousands of other people to do,
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12:53 - 12:54to connect across that gap.
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12:56 - 12:59"Do you mean Ellen?" I said,
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12:59 - 13:03because my sister's empty chair
was just right across the table from us. -
13:04 - 13:05"She just went to the bathroom."
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13:06 - 13:08And my mother looked at me,
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13:10 - 13:13and then something deep inside sparked,
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13:14 - 13:18and she reached out and smiled
and touched my shoulder -
13:18 - 13:20and she said, "You're right there."
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13:21 - 13:23And I said, "Yes,
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13:24 - 13:26I am right here."
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13:28 - 13:32I know that that moment
is going to happen again and again, -
13:32 - 13:35not just for me and my mom
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13:35 - 13:39but for all 47 million people
across the world -
13:39 - 13:40and the hundreds of millions more
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13:40 - 13:42who love them.
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13:42 - 13:45How will we answer this challenge
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13:45 - 13:48that is going to touch the lives
of every family? -
13:48 - 13:53How are our care systems
going to answer that challenge? -
13:53 - 13:56I hope it is with a beautiful question,
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13:57 - 14:00one that invites us to find each other
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14:02 - 14:04and connect.
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14:04 - 14:06I hope our answer
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14:06 - 14:09is that we value care
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14:09 - 14:11and that care can be generative
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14:11 - 14:13and beautiful.
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14:14 - 14:19And that care can put us in touch
with the deepest parts of our humanity, -
14:19 - 14:22our yearning to connect
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14:22 - 14:24and make meaning together
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14:26 - 14:28all the way to the end.
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14:28 - 14:30Thank you.
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14:30 - 14:32(Applause)
- Title:
- How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia
- Speaker:
- Anne Basting
- Description:
-
By incorporating art and creativity into elder care settings, gerontologist Anne Basting helps families reconnect with loved ones who have dementia. In this moving talk, she shares how asking "beautiful questions" -- questions that don't have a right or wrong answer -- opens up a shared path of discovery, imagination and wonder. "If we can infuse creativity into care, caregivers can invite a partner into meaning-making," Basting says. "In that moment, care, which is so often associated with loss, can become generative."
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 14:38
Erin Gregory edited English subtitles for How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia | ||
Erin Gregory approved English subtitles for How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia | ||
Erin Gregory edited English subtitles for How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz accepted English subtitles for How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz edited English subtitles for How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia | ||
Joanna Pietrulewicz edited English subtitles for How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia | ||
Joseph Geni edited English subtitles for How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia | ||
Joseph Geni edited English subtitles for How to meaningfully reconnect with those who have dementia |