[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I'll start with this:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.00,0:00:04.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a couple years ago,\Nan event planner called me
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.22,0:00:06.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I was going\Nto do a speaking event.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.29,0:00:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she called, and she said,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.00,0:00:11.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm really struggling with how\Nto write about you on the little flyer."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.00,0:00:14.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought,\N"Well, what's the struggle?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.07,0:00:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "Well, I saw you speak,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.00,0:00:18.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm going to call you\Na researcher, I think,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.00,0:00:21.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'm afraid if I call you\Na researcher, no one will come,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.92,0:00:24.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they'll think\Nyou're boring and irrelevant."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.40,0:00:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.40,0:00:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was like, "Okay."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.00,0:00:29.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "But the thing\NI liked about your talk
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.50,0:00:30.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is you're a storyteller.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.00,0:00:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I think what I'll do\Nis just call you a storyteller."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.00,0:00:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, the academic,\Ninsecure part of me
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.00,0:00:39.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was like, "You're going\Nto call me a what?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.85,0:00:42.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "I'm going\Nto call you a storyteller."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.39,0:00:45.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was like, "Why not magic pixie?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.50,0:00:47.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.00,0:00:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, "Let me think\Nabout this for a second."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.00,0:00:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tried to call deep on my courage.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.00,0:00:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought, you know,\NI am a storyteller.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.00,0:00:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a qualitative researcher.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.00,0:01:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I collect stories; that's what I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.00,0:01:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And maybe stories\Nare just data with a soul.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.00,0:01:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And maybe I'm just a storyteller.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.00,0:01:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I said, "You know what?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.00,0:01:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why don't you just say\NI'm a researcher-storyteller."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.00,0:01:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she went, "Ha ha.\NThere's no such thing."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.00,0:01:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.00,0:01:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'm a researcher-storyteller,\Nand I'm going to talk to you today --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.00,0:01:22.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're talking about expanding\Nperception --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.07,0:01:24.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so I want to talk to you\Nand tell some stories
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.48,0:01:29.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about a piece of my research\Nthat fundamentally expanded my perception
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.00,0:01:32.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and really actually changed\Nthe way that I live and love
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.00,0:01:34.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and work and parent.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.00,0:01:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is where my story starts.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.00,0:01:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was a young researcher,\Ndoctoral student,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.00,0:01:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my first year I had a research\Nprofessor who said to us,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.00,0:01:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Here's the thing, if you cannot\Nmeasure it, it does not exist."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.00,0:01:51.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought he was just\Nsweet-talking me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.00,0:01:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, "Really?"\Nand he was like, "Absolutely."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.00,0:01:56.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so you have to understand
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.76,0:01:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I have a bachelor's in social work,\Na master's in social work,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.00,0:02:03.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work,\Nso my entire academic career
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.50,0:02:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was surrounded by people who kind of\Nbelieved in the "life's messy, love it."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.00,0:02:14.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm more of the, "life's messy,\Nclean it up, organize it
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.00,0:02:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and put it into a bento box."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.00,0:02:18.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.65,0:02:24.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so to think that I had found my way,\Nto found a career that takes me --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.00,0:02:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really, one of the big sayings\Nin social work
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.00,0:02:30.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is, "Lean into the discomfort\Nof the work."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.00,0:02:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm like, knock discomfort\Nupside the head
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.00,0:02:35.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and move it over and get all A's.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.00,0:02:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was my mantra.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.00,0:02:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I was very excited about this.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.00,0:02:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I thought, you know what,\Nthis is the career for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.00,0:02:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I am interested\Nin some messy topics.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.00,0:02:49.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I want to be able\Nto make them not messy.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.06,0:02:51.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to understand them.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.40,0:02:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to hack into these things\NI know are important
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.00,0:02:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and lay the code out for everyone to see.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.00,0:02:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So where I started was with connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.00,0:03:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because, by the time\Nyou're a social worker for 10 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.00,0:03:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what you realize is that connection\Nis why we're here.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.00,0:03:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's what gives purpose\Nand meaning to our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.68,0:03:13.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what it's all about.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.10,0:03:15.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't matter whether\Nyou talk to people
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.22,0:03:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who work in social justice,\Nmental health and abuse and neglect,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.34,0:03:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what we know is that connection,\Nthe ability to feel connected, is --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.00,0:03:25.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,neurobiologically\Nthat's how we're wired --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.00,0:03:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's why we're here.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.00,0:03:31.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I thought, you know what,\NI'm going to start with connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.82,0:03:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you know that situation
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.00,0:03:36.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you get an evaluation\Nfrom your boss,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.07,0:03:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she tells you 37 things\Nyou do really awesome,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.00,0:03:41.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and one "opportunity for growth?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.17,0:03:42.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.84,0:03:47.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And all you can think about\Nis that opportunity for growth, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.30,0:03:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, apparently this is the way\Nmy work went as well,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.00,0:03:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because, when you ask people about love,\Nthey tell you about heartbreak.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.00,0:03:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you ask people about belonging,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.00,0:04:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they'll tell you their most excruciating\Nexperiences of being excluded.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.00,0:04:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you ask people about connection,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.00,0:04:06.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the stories they told me\Nwere about disconnection.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.68,0:04:10.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So very quickly -- really about six weeks\Ninto this research --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.72,0:04:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I ran into this unnamed thing\Nthat absolutely unraveled connection
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.93,0:04:19.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a way that I didn't understand\Nor had never seen.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.82,0:04:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I pulled back out of the research
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.80,0:04:24.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thought, I need\Nto figure out what this is.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.10,0:04:26.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it turned out to be shame.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.90,0:04:31.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And shame is really easily understood\Nas the fear of disconnection:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.87,0:04:35.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is there something about me that,\Nif other people know it or see it,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.45,0:04:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I won't be worthy of connection?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.00,0:04:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The things I can tell you about it:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.00,0:04:42.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's universal; we all have it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.00,0:04:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only people who don't experience shame
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.02,0:04:47.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have no capacity for human\Nempathy or connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.38,0:04:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No one wants to talk about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.00,0:04:51.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the less you talk about it\Nthe more you have it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.71,0:04:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What underpinned this shame,\Nthis "I'm not good enough," --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.00,0:04:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which we all know that feeling:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.00,0:05:02.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm not blank enough.\NI'm not thin enough,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.07,0:05:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rich enough, beautiful enough,\Nsmart enough, promoted enough."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.00,0:05:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The thing that underpinned this\Nwas excruciating vulnerability,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.00,0:05:14.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this idea of, in order\Nfor connection to happen,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.00,0:05:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have to allow ourselves\Nto be seen, really seen.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.00,0:05:23.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you know how I feel\Nabout vulnerability. I hate vulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.17,0:05:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I thought, this is my chance\Nto beat it back with my measuring stick.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.00,0:05:30.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going in, I'm going\Nto figure this stuff out,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.00,0:05:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to spend a year, I'm going\Nto totally deconstruct shame,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.17,0:05:36.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to understand\Nhow vulnerability works,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.48,0:05:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm going to outsmart it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.00,0:05:42.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I was ready, and I was really excited.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.80,0:05:46.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As you know,\Nit's not going to turn out well.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.97,0:05:49.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.52,0:05:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know this.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.00,0:05:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I could tell you a lot about shame,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.00,0:05:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'd have to borrow\Neveryone else's time.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.12,0:05:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here's what I can tell you\Nthat it boils down to --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.00,0:06:01.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this may be one of the most important\Nthings that I've ever learned
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.40,0:06:03.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the decade of doing this research.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.70,0:06:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My one year turned into six years:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.96,0:06:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thousands of stories, hundreds\Nof long interviews, focus groups.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.00,0:06:15.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At one point, people were\Nsending me journal pages
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.40,0:06:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sending me their stories --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.50,0:06:20.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,thousands of pieces of data in six years.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.00,0:06:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I kind of got a handle on it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.00,0:06:26.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kind of understood, this is\Nwhat shame is, this is how it works.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.08,0:06:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote a book, I published a theory,\Nbut something was not okay --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.00,0:06:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what it was is that, if I roughly\Ntook the people I interviewed
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.02,0:06:44.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and divided them into people who really\Nhave a sense of worthiness --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.94,0:06:47.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's what this comes down to,\Na sense of worthiness --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.00,0:06:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they have a strong sense\Nof love and belonging --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.00,0:06:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and folks who struggle for it,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.00,0:06:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and folks who are always wondering\Nif they're good enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.97,0:06:58.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was only one variable that separated
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.24,0:07:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the people who have a strong sense\Nof love and belonging
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.00,0:07:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the people who really struggle for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.02,0:07:06.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that was, the people who have\Na strong sense of love and belonging
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.00,0:07:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,believe they're worthy\Nof love and belonging.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.00,0:07:11.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's it.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.00,0:07:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They believe they're worthy.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.00,0:07:20.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to me, the hard part of the one thing\Nthat keeps us out of connection
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.00,0:07:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is our fear that we're not\Nworthy of connection,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.00,0:07:26.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was something that,\Npersonally and professionally,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.40,0:07:28.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt like I needed to understand better.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.00,0:07:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what I did is I took\Nall of the interviews
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.00,0:07:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I saw worthiness,\Nwhere I saw people living that way,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.00,0:07:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just looked at those.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.00,0:07:41.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do these people have in common?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.00,0:07:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a slight office supply addiction,\Nbut that's another talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.00,0:07:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I had a manila folder,\Nand I had a Sharpie,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.00,0:07:52.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was like, what am I going\Nto call this research?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.68,0:07:55.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the first words that came\Nto my mind were whole-hearted.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.00,0:07:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are whole-hearted people,\Nliving from this deep sense of worthiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.55,0:08:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I wrote at the top\Nof the manila folder,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.00,0:08:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I started looking at the data.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.00,0:08:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, I did it first in a four-day\Nvery intensive data analysis,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.00,0:08:14.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I went back, pulled the interviews,\Nthe stories, pulled the incidents.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.60,0:08:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the theme? What's the pattern?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.00,0:08:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My husband left town with the kids
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.00,0:08:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I always go into this\NJackson Pollock crazy thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.00,0:08:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I'm just writing\Nand in my researcher mode.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.00,0:08:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so here's what I found.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.67,0:08:35.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What they had in common\Nwas a sense of courage.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:36.00,0:08:39.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to separate courage\Nand bravery for you for a minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.10,0:08:41.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Courage, the original\Ndefinition of courage,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.22,0:08:43.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when it first came\Ninto the English language --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.48,0:08:46.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's from the Latin word cor, meaning\Nheart --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.27,0:08:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the original definition was to tell\Nthe story of who you are
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.30,0:08:50.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with your whole heart.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.77,0:08:56.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so these folks had, very simply,\Nthe courage to be imperfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.00,0:09:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They had the compassion to be kind\Nto themselves first and then to others,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.00,0:09:04.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because, as it turns out,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.60,0:09:06.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can't practice compassion\Nwith other people
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.85,0:09:08.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we can't treat ourselves kindly.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.00,0:09:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the last was they had connection,\Nand -- this was the hard part --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.00,0:09:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a result of authenticity,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.00,0:09:18.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were willing to let go\Nof who they thought they should be
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.00,0:09:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in order to be who they were,\Nwhich you have to absolutely do that
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.00,0:09:26.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.00,0:09:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing that they had\Nin common was this:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.00,0:09:38.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They fully embraced vulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.41,0:09:47.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They believed that what made them\Nvulnerable made them beautiful.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.85,0:09:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They didn't talk about vulnerability\Nbeing comfortable,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.00,0:09:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nor did they really talk\Nabout it being excruciating --
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.00,0:09:59.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as I had heard it earlier\Nin the shame interviewing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.50,0:10:02.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They just talked about it being necessary.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.00,0:10:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They talked about the willingness\Nto say, "I love you" first,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.08,0:10:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the willingness to do something\Nwhere there are no guarantees,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.00,0:10:20.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the willingness to breathe\Nthrough waiting for the doctor to call
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.36,0:10:21.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after your mammogram.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.40,0:10:26.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're willing to invest\Nin a relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.58,0:10:28.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that may or may not work out.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.00,0:10:30.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They thought this was fundamental.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.00,0:10:34.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I personally thought it was betrayal.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.00,0:10:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could not believe I had pledged\Nallegiance to research, where our job --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.00,0:10:44.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, the definition of research\Nis to control and predict,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.15,0:10:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to study phenomena, for the explicit\Nreason to control and predict.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.00,0:10:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now my mission to control and predict
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.00,0:10:56.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had turned up the answer\Nthat the way to live is with vulnerability
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.22,0:10:58.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to stop controlling and predicting.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.00,0:11:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This led to a little breakdown --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.00,0:11:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.00,0:11:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,-- which actually looked more like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.00,0:11:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.00,0:11:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it did.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:13.00,0:11:16.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I call it a breakdown; my therapist\Ncalls it a spiritual awakening.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.18,0:11:17.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.46,0:11:19.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A spiritual awakening\Nsounds better than breakdown,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.90,0:11:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I assure you it was a breakdown.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.70,0:11:24.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had to put my data away\Nand go find a therapist.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.30,0:11:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me tell you something:\Nyou know who you are
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.60,0:11:29.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you call your friends and say,\N"I think I need to see somebody.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.86,0:11:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you have any recommendations?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.00,0:11:34.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because about five\Nof my friends were like,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.07,0:11:36.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Wooo, I wouldn't want\Nto be your therapist."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.24,0:11:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.00,0:11:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, "What does that mean?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:41.00,0:11:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they're like,\N"I'm just saying, you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.00,0:11:45.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't bring your measuring stick."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.98,0:11:48.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.28,0:11:50.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was like, "Okay."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.00,0:11:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I found a therapist.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.00,0:11:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My first meeting with her, Diana --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.68,0:12:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I brought in my list of the way\Nthe whole-hearted live, and I sat down.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.00,0:12:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "How are you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.00,0:12:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "I'm great. I'm okay."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.00,0:12:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said, "What's going on?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.00,0:12:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is a therapist\Nwho sees therapists,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.00,0:12:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we have to go to those,\Nbecause their B.S. meters are good.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.00,0:12:17.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.00,0:12:21.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I said, "Here's the thing,\NI'm struggling."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.00,0:12:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "What's the struggle?"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.00,0:12:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "Well, I have\Na vulnerability issue.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.00,0:12:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know that vulnerability\Nis the core of shame and fear
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.00,0:12:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our struggle for worthiness,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.00,0:12:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it appears that it's also\Nthe birthplace of joy, of creativity,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.00,0:12:41.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of belonging, of love.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.00,0:12:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think I have a problem,\Nand I need some help."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.00,0:12:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "But here's the thing:\Nno family stuff, no childhood shit."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.00,0:12:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.00,0:12:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I just need some strategies."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.00,0:13:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.00,0:13:05.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.76,0:13:07.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.00,0:13:10.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So she goes like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.00,0:13:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.00,0:13:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I said, "It's bad, right?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.00,0:13:19.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "It's neither good nor bad."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:20.00,0:13:21.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:22.00,0:13:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"It just is what it is."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.00,0:13:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "Oh my God,\Nthis is going to suck."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.00,0:13:29.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.00,0:13:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it did, and it didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.00,0:13:34.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it took about a year.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.00,0:13:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you know how there are people
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.00,0:13:40.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that, when they realize that vulnerability\Nand tenderness are important,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.45,0:13:42.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they surrender and walk into it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.88,0:13:45.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A: that's not me,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.30,0:13:47.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and B: I don't even hang out\Nwith people like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.00,0:13:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.00,0:13:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For me, it was a yearlong street fight.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.00,0:13:55.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a slugfest.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.00,0:13:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.00,0:14:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I lost the fight,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:01.00,0:14:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but probably won my life back.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.00,0:14:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so then I went back into the research
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.00,0:14:06.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and spent the next couple of years
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.00,0:14:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really trying to understand\Nwhat they, the whole-hearted,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.00,0:14:15.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what choices they were making,\Nand what are we doing with vulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.00,0:14:17.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why do we struggle with it so much?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.00,0:14:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Am I alone in struggling\Nwith vulnerability?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.76,0:14:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.00,0:14:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is what I learned.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.64,0:14:28.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We numb vulnerability --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.00,0:14:30.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we're waiting for the call.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.00,0:14:33.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was funny, I sent something out\Non Twitter and on Facebook
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.97,0:14:36.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that says, "How would you\Ndefine vulnerability?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.26,0:14:37.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What makes you feel vulnerable?"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.90,0:14:40.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And within an hour and a half,\NI had 150 responses.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:40.50,0:14:44.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I wanted to know what's out there.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.78,0:14:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Having to ask my husband for help\Nbecause I'm sick, and we're newly married;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.00,0:14:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,initiating sex with my husband;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:53.00,0:14:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,initiating sex with my wife;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.00,0:14:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being turned down; asking someone out;
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.00,0:14:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waiting for the doctor to call back;
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.00,0:15:03.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,getting laid off; laying off people.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.15,0:15:04.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the world we live in.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.54,0:15:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We live in a vulnerable world.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.00,0:15:11.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one of the ways we deal\Nwith it is we numb vulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.00,0:15:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I think there's evidence --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.00,0:15:16.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's not the only reason\Nthis evidence exists,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:16.40,0:15:18.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I think it's a huge cause --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.73,0:15:23.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are the most in-debt,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.22,0:15:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,obese,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.56,0:15:30.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,addicted and medicated\Nadult cohort in U.S. history.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.00,0:15:35.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is -- and I learned this\Nfrom the research --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.00,0:15:39.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you cannot selectively numb emotion.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:40.00,0:15:42.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't say, here's the bad stuff.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.00,0:15:45.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's vulnerability,\Nhere's grief, here's shame,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.40,0:15:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here's fear, here's disappointment.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.10,0:15:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't want to feel these.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.00,0:15:51.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to have a couple of beers\Nand a banana nut muffin.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.00,0:15:54.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.62,0:15:56.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't want to feel these.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.56,0:15:58.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know that's knowing laughter.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.30,0:16:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hack into your lives for a living.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.00,0:16:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,God.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.00,0:16:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.00,0:16:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't numb those hard feelings
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.00,0:16:10.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without numbing\Nthe other affects, our emotions.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.31,0:16:11.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You cannot selectively numb.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.00,0:16:14.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when we numb those,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.00,0:16:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we numb joy,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.00,0:16:18.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we numb gratitude,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.00,0:16:20.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we numb happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.87,0:16:24.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then we are miserable,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.99,0:16:27.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are looking\Nfor purpose and meaning,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.04,0:16:28.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then we feel vulnerable,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.50,0:16:31.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so then we have a couple of beers\Nand a banana nut muffin.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:31.30,0:16:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it becomes this dangerous cycle.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.84,0:16:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the things that I think\Nwe need to think about
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.00,0:16:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is why and how we numb.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.00,0:16:43.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it doesn't just have to be addiction.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.05,0:16:49.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing we do is we make\Neverything that's uncertain certain.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.00,0:16:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Religion has gone from a belief\Nin faith and mystery to certainty.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.00,0:16:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm right, you're wrong. Shut up.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.00,0:16:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's it.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:01.18,0:17:02.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just certain.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.91,0:17:05.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The more afraid we are,\Nthe more vulnerable we are,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:05.35,0:17:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more afraid we are.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.60,0:17:08.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what politics looks like today.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.50,0:17:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no discourse anymore.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.00,0:17:11.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's no conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.00,0:17:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's just blame.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.00,0:17:16.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know how blame\Nis described in the research?
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.29,0:17:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A way to discharge pain and discomfort.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.75,0:17:23.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.25,0:17:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If there's anyone who wants their life\Nto look like this, it would be me,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:26.90,0:17:28.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it doesn't work.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:28.30,0:17:32.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because what we do is we take fat\Nfrom our butts and put it in our cheeks.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:32.10,0:17:34.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:35.00,0:17:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which just, I hope in 100 years,\Npeople will look back and go, "Wow."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:39.00,0:17:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:41.00,0:17:44.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we perfect,\Nmost dangerously, our children.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.00,0:17:47.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me tell you what we think\Nabout children.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:47.17,0:17:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're hardwired for struggle\Nwhen they get here.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:50.00,0:17:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you hold those perfect\Nlittle babies in your hand,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:53.00,0:17:55.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our job is not to say,\N"Look at her, she's perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:55.89,0:17:57.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My job is just to keep her perfect --
Dialogue: 0,0:17:57.81,0:18:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,make sure she makes the tennis team\Nby fifth grade and Yale by seventh."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:01.24,0:18:02.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not our job.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.50,0:18:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our job is to look and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:04.00,0:18:07.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know what? You're imperfect,\Nand you're wired for struggle,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:07.07,0:18:09.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you are worthy of love and belonging."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:10.07,0:18:11.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's our job.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:11.68,0:18:13.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Show me a generation\Nof kids raised like that,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:13.93,0:18:16.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we'll end the problems\NI think that we see today.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:16.71,0:18:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We pretend that what we do\Ndoesn't have an effect on people.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:23.00,0:18:24.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We do that in our personal lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:25.00,0:18:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We do that corporate --
Dialogue: 0,0:18:27.00,0:18:30.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether it's a bailout,\Nan oil spill, a recall --
Dialogue: 0,0:18:31.00,0:18:32.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we pretend like what we're doing
Dialogue: 0,0:18:33.00,0:18:35.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't have a huge impact\Non other people.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:36.00,0:18:39.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would say to companies,\Nthis is not our first rodeo, people.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.44,0:18:44.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just need you to be authentic\Nand real and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:44.49,0:18:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We're sorry. We'll fix it."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:50.00,0:18:52.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there's another way,\Nand I'll leave you with this.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.60,0:18:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is what I have found:
Dialogue: 0,0:18:54.00,0:19:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to let ourselves be seen,\Ndeeply seen, vulnerably seen;
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.00,0:19:05.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to love with our whole hearts,\Neven though there's no guarantee --
Dialogue: 0,0:19:05.88,0:19:07.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's really hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:07.57,0:19:10.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I can tell you as a parent,\Nthat's excruciatingly difficult --
Dialogue: 0,0:19:13.07,0:19:16.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to practice gratitude and joy\Nin those moments of terror,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:17.00,0:19:19.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we're wondering,\N"Can I love you this much?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:19.31,0:19:21.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I believe in this this passionately?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:21.31,0:19:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can I be this fierce about this?"
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.00,0:19:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just to be able to stop and, instead of\Ncatastrophizing what might happen,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:27.60,0:19:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to say, "I'm just so grateful,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:29.60,0:19:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because to feel this vulnerable\Nmeans I'm alive."
Dialogue: 0,0:19:33.00,0:19:35.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the last, which I think\Nis probably the most important,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:36.00,0:19:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to believe that we're enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:39.00,0:19:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because when we work from a place,\NI believe, that says, "I'm enough,"
Dialogue: 0,0:19:45.40,0:19:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then we stop screaming\Nand start listening,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:49.00,0:19:51.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're kinder and gentler\Nto the people around us,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:51.36,0:19:53.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we're kinder and gentler to ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:54.70,0:19:56.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's all I have. Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:56.20,0:19:59.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)