How to be an upstander instead of a bystander

If you see something wrong in the workplace, what should you do? Business leader Angélique Parisot-Potter says you should speak up, even when it's scary. Sharing her personal experience of voicing concerns at work, she offers three lessons on standing up for what's right.

Let me tell you a story,
where you'll meet the characters

who I'll call Bilal and Brenda.

I was working in a most
remarkable part of the world.

And one unremarkable morning,

a colleague came to see me.

She told me that Bilal,
one of our senior executives,

had been telling everyone
I was being removed

because I'd been messing
with the wrong people.

And now, I was going to
face the consequences.

I wasn't alarmed,

because I knew I had done
what I'd been hired to do:

my job,

dealing with thorny issues head on

and leaving no stone unturned.

In fact, in the months prior to this,

we'd overturned more
than just a few stones.

Those details are for another time.

I called my husband, James,

to tell him about
this bizarre conversation,

and with what proved
to be great foresight,

he said, "Angélique, pack your things
and call Brenda, in that order."

I called Brenda.

I'd worked with her for a number of years,

and I trusted her.

She was the person who'd
recommended me for that job.

I cut to the chase,

because my husband's reaction
made me realize

this was more than just the usual stuff
I'd encountered before.

And I say usual,
but in that moment of clarity,

it dawned on me what James
had already recognized:

none of this was usual.

These irregularities,
part of a pattern I'd failed to notice,

were what I now know as open secrets

living beneath those proverbial stones
I'd had the audacity to overturn.

To my shock, I learned
that this was happening

because I hadn't tried hard enough
to operate in the "gray space."

I didn't seem to know when
to kick things into the long grass.

And I didn't understand
that this was how the system worked.

The message, the implied threat,

was clear.

Over the next few weeks,

I was replaced by a convenient yes-man
while I was still there.

I suffered from terrible gastritis,

and I pretended
to our two young daughters

that I still had that job.

Leaving home every morning,
dressed up as if for work,

to drop them to school, for six months.

I did not submit,

but I won't pretend
that it was easy to speak up

or beneficial in any way to me,
to my family or to my career.

When we speak up in the workplace
despite policies to the contrary,

whilst we may not lose our jobs,

we are likely to lose
the camaraderie of our coworkers.

Disbelieved, ostracized,

faced with under-the-radar bullying.

You know the kind when you walk
into a room and everyone stops talking?

We think: It's not my
responsibility to say anything.

So why did I choose to act
despite the risks to my family and to me?

The sin of omission is a failure
to do what you know is right.

When you stay quiet,

even though you're not guilty
of wrongdoing yourself,

what will you have to live with
if you don't take action?

So who are you in this lineup of actors?

The bad actor, the wrongdoer?

The bad stander who benefits
directly or indirectly

and acts as a puppet for the bad actor?

The bystander, aware of the open secrets

but not actually doing anything
wrong or the upstander?

This is the person we want to see
when we look in the mirror.

I've learned three things:

One, don't second guess yourself.

When you see something
amiss, ask questions,

because it is okay
to challenge those in authority.

Two, don't be complicit.

You always have the power to say no
in the face of wrongdoing.

And three, be an upstander.

Speaking up is not about being brave.

It's not about not feeling scared.

But when you do what you know is right,
you can be at peace with yourself.

Yes, it is hard to say
what you feel in the moment.

Do it anyway. Be fearless.

Martin Luther King said,

"In the end, we will remember
not the words of our enemies,

but the silence of our friends."

So when you look in the mirror,

who will you see?

A bystander, keeper of open secrets?

Or will the person looking
back at you be an upstander?

I know who I see.

I know who my daughters see.

The choice is yours.