Redneck nikes

(Hick Accent):
So, Nike's gonna make Colin Kaepershnit

from the San Francisco 79ers uh-
the new face of their campaign,

all 'cause he likes to take
a little knee during the national anthem.

And that pisses me off!

You know, he didn't sacrifice nuttin'!

Wha- All he did was use his celebrity status
to shine light on an injustice in our world,

all while doing it in a peaceful and non-violent way.

And I've chosen to take that message,
and completely misinterpret it.

You know, 'cause he's disrespecting the flag.
That's what he's doin!

He's disrespectin' this flag right here!
You know 'cause everybody knows

it's more important to have a song for America
than it is to actually care about Americans.

That's the truth!
And he's disrespectin' the troops too.

You know, you remember the troops?

We send 'em off to war and they come home,
and we forgot about 'em? You know?

What- what more could you want?

You know maybe adequate physical and mental healthcare to lead a happy and fulfilled life.

But at least we stand during the national anthem,
to show that they're heroes! You know?

At least we do that!

So here's what we're gonna do, Nike.
I'm boycottin' you, just like I did Google,

Just like I did Harley Davidson.

Just like I do the NFL,
except for Sundays and Mondays.

I'm boycottin' you, I'm done!
I went down to one of your little stores,

bought me $200 worth of stuff
to show you how done I am, you know?

I got, uh, right here: new Jordans.
I got the new Jordans.

I'm not wearing these no more.
I'm done!

See, I'm not even done wearing your shoes.
I'm done wearing your clothes too, you see that?

You see that NIke, I'm done!
Look at this, I'm done!

You're not gettin' no more-
no more of my uh- unemployment check.

That's- that's for real.
Look, ye- this is the sticker on the back of my truck, too.

There's Nike, here's me. Pissin' all over it.
You like that, Nike?

Do you like it? Here's what we're gonna do.
You did this, Nike! You did this.

Look at this. Look at this, Nike,
You like that?

There goes your stock prices, Nike.
All 'cause you wanna mess around with a criminal.

Here' what we're gonna do.
We're gonna raise an emotional support beer,

To Nike and to Colin Kaepershnit,
'cause their gonna need it.

That's your stock price right there, buddy.

That's all you're gonna get.

So as always, fuck the NFL, and go Colts!

[Coughs Uncontrollably]

Oh God damn, I think I inhaled some of that smoke!