Why you think you're ugly | Melissa Butler | TEDxDetroit

The Lip Bar challenges the standard of beauty through their products, pricing and ingredients. They focus on their beliefs that beauty isn’t linear, cosmetics shouldn’t be for the privileged, and makeup is a mere enhancement of who you are, not a completion of you! In 2012, Melissa launched The Lip Bar because she was incredibly frustrated with the beauty industry. Why were most cosmetics filled with unnecessary chemicals? Why did lipsticks only come in a limited range of colors? And more importantly, why was the depiction of beauty so damn linear?

Melissa started making lipstick in her kitchen because I believed beauty shouldn't compromise health and because she was determined to not change the way she looked to fit into some superficial or trendy beauty standard.

She's not passionate about makeup. She's passionate about creating an inclusive narrative on what beauty is and reminding women that they don't have to settle for anything.

Today, The Lip Bar products are found at retailers nationwide and Melissa's mission to challenge the current standard of beauty by creating a lipstick experience that is unsurpassed in craftsmanship, quality and color continues.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

I am a beauty disruptor.

(Cheers)

I am a self-esteem advocate.

But more than anything,

I am a woman who's fed up
with linear beauty standards.

(Cheers)

I grew up right here in Detroit,

where the ideal image for black girls
is light-skinned with long hair.

Well, I'm brown-skinned.

I was always curvier,

I had a gap in between my teeth,

and I had a flat butt.

Still do.

But I remember vividly

overhearing a guy describe me
with the attributes I didn't have.

"She not even light-skinned."

"She's got a flat butt."

But at this time,
you couldn't tell me a thing.

I thought I was so cute.

(Laughter)

And that day taught me a valuable lesson.

It taught me how to love myself wholly.

And more importantly,

it taught me how to never allow
someone else's opinion of me

to determine my value.

(Cheers) (Applause)

For the last six years,
I've built a cosmetic company

with the idea to change the way
we think about beauty for ourselves

and ultimately, how we extend that
to those who look differently from us.

When I started making
lipstick in my kitchen,

it wasn't because I was passionate
about makeup - no.

It was because I was frustrated

that attractiveness was consistently
looked at through a singular lens.

Today if you search the word "beauty,"

you'll end up with a sea
of fair-skinned, thin, young women

as if good looks don't come
in any other form.

And so, when we have those ideas
in the back of our mind,

we really start to think that we're ugly.

We look at the beautiful people
and we think, man, they have it all.

They're rich, they're in love,
they're happy, they're successful.

And I could have that too
if I just had ..., if I just changed ...

We start to think that we're not
enough of something,

that we are lacking in some areas.

That causes us to stifle
opportunities for ourselves

because we feel as though we don't belong
and that we don't deserve.

And even worse, we extend that
lack of confidence and low self-esteem.

We extend that onto our sisters,
our friends, our cousins.

Because if I'm not enough,
she's definitely not enough, right?

For years, women were taught

that our value was directly
linked with our looks,

our ability to get married,
our ability to have children.

And even today, now that women
are starting businesses, taking office -

taking over the world, essentially -

we're still relegated to this idea

that beauty and our looks
are most important.

We see this in every industry,

from Serena dominating on the tennis court
to Hillary running for President,

all the way down to Louisiana,

where a little girl
wasn't permitted to go to school,

because of her braided hairstyle.

Now, braids have always been

a long standing part of African
and African-American beauty culture.

And just because you don't practice it,

it doesn't mean that you can't
accept or respect it.

And I don't know about you,
but the last time I checked,

my hairstyle didn't
prevent me from learning.

The tutu that I wear on the tennis court

doesn't prevent me
from winning a Grand Slam.

And the colored suit that I wear,

it certainly doesn't make me
ill-equipped to run a country.

But what's attractiveness anyway?

And shouldn't it be subjective?

Well, yes and no.

What's attractive has become
a popularized understanding

of our cultural footprint.

What we as individuals
believe as attractive

is directly stemmed from our environment.

That's why men really just
want to marry women just like their moms.

And as much as we want
to hate them for it,

they can't help it.

That's their first perspective
of what beauty and love is.

Like if I were to grow up in Ghana,

I would have valued my thick thighs
a lot more than I do

having grown up in the US.

And while the world is becoming
more interconnected than ever,

we're seeing that the global
standard of beauty

is quickly becoming
the Western standard of beauty,

so much so that in countries
like South Africa or China,

where the population
is largely people of color,

white women are still at the forefront
of these commercial campaigns.

So it doesn't surprise me

to hear that 70% of women
in Lagos, Nigeria, bleach their skin

even though skin bleaching
has been linked to cancer.

What that tells me
is that 10-billion-dollar industry

is being upheld by this idea
that beauty is linear.

Those women are just trying to get ahead.

This idea leaves plus-sized
women feeling invalid,

mature women feeling

as though they aged out of their beauty
beyond their child-bearing years,

and ethnic women feeling unwanted.

And don't get me wrong.

While it impacts women the most,
it's not only us who suffer.

Most males CEOs of Fortune 500 companies
are taller than average

because height is linked
to attractiveness and power.

This is a multi-generational,
gender-neutral issue.

Our children are growing up
not valuing themselves

and certainly not being able to extend
that love and acceptance onto their peers.

Those children grow up
with low self-esteem

and end up being consumers
of weight-loss fads,

of plastic surgery.

Have you guys noticed
the plastic surgery trend?

Surgery on your butt and thigh is up
4,200% since the year 2000.

How crazy is that?

And so it makes me think
back to when I was a little girl,

and I thought about me not having a butt.

You know if I didn't have
that confidence to keep going on,

I could be one of these statistics.

So how do we transform?

How do we start loving ourselves?

Well, first of all, we have to figure out
what those triggers are

that make us feel less than.

Is it scrolling through social media?

You may need to give it a break.

Is it going shopping?

Or is it simply just going over Granny's
to hear her telling you

how much weight you've gained
since the last time she saw you.

Figure out what those items are
and cut them off.

I'm telling you
if Granny is pulling you down,

Granny has got to go.

(Laughter)

You have to be prepared
to go to bat for your identity

in this pop culture driven society.

So I challenge each of you,

when you go home today,

look at yourself in the mirror,

see all of you,

look at all of your greatness
that you embody,

accept it, and love it.

And finally, when you leave
the house tomorrow,

try to extend that same love
and acceptance

to someone who doesn't look like you.

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)