What's between my legs: a universal concern | Dana Lawand | TEDxLAU

Yes, it's 2019 and we shouldn't need to talk about this anymore. But the numbers don't lie... and people's obsession with women's sexuality (or abstinence) continues to affect a lot of lives. A 22-year-old medical student at LAU. Whenever she’s not studying, you’ll find her reading about natural selection or fighting for minority rights. That’s her drive. In a world full of discriminatory mindsets and subliminal animosity, she tries to be the voice of the silenced. She also dared to doubt the norms around her one day. She broke out of her own box, and that was when she found purpose. Her motto is: Be the voice of the unseen, untouched, unheard. A global purpose.

This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

240 women are murdered
every year in Afghanistan.

565 women are murdered
every year in Iran.

4000 women are murdered in Pakistan.

Actually, between the years 1997 and 2004,
these 4000 women were murdered.

I'm not just talking about women dying;
they are being killed.

Well, let's think about it.

These statistics aren't actually -

I mean, they're more
like an underestimation

of the actual frequency
of murders that happens,

well, because they're not well documented.

But when you think
about these women dying,

being killed,

why do think is that?

It's actually in the name
of honor, pride, dignity,

not only hers,

but her father's, her uncles',
her brothers',

whatever men in the family,

you know, for that image
in the community, yeah?

Well, moving on from honor crime
to female genital mutilation:

For those of you who aren't familiar
with genital mutilation,

it is genital cutting.

Some people choose to call it,
I don't know, female circumcision

to, like, you know, sugarcoat it,
make it sound nicer.

But can you not?

Because female genital mutilation

is the absolute manipulation
of the female outer genitalia

to make sure that her vaginal opening
does not welcome penile penetration.

And it is actually so common
around the world

that the World Health Organization

has actually stated

that there are four
different types of mutilation.

So, the first type:

We cut off the clitoris.

What is the clitoris? you may ask.

It is the most sensitive part
of a woman's body.

It actually has 8,000 nerve endings,
twice as many as the penis.

You know, actually,

the evolutionary equivalent
of the clitoris in the male

is the glans of the penis,

and it has other functions,
such as the urethra,

where they urinate from,

but in the woman, its whole purpose
is female sexual pleasure.

But in the first time,
they just cut it out.

And the second type of mutilation:

We cut out the clitoris
and the inner lips of the vagina,

the labia minora.

And the third type,
it's called infibulation,

and that is where you try
to narrow down the vaginal orifice

just to make sure that it doesn't fit,

or you form a seal.

I mean, yeah, you've got
to form a seal in the vagina,

not that we need it for anything else,

like, I don't know,
menstruation every month.

How else is the blood going to go out?

Fourth type:

Flaunt your skills;
you can scrape it, pierce it.

I mean, she's either 5 or 15
or in between,

and it is non-consensual anyway,

so do whatever the hell you want with it,

you can attach different parts of it,

feel free.

It is like this girl is a commodity,

a product

that has to be passed down
from her first owner, the father,

to the second owner,
the husband or the client.

And because, I mean,
"high quality service," you know,

so we have to make sure
that she's untouched.

Can't use a used product in the market,

and if it is used, manipulated, modified,
we throw it out of the market.

And that makes their killing justifiable?

You have to make sure
that you manipulate the vagina

in order to make sure that she
does not engage in sex before marriage

or that if she does,
it is a painful experience -

and we're good?

Why?

Why is the world
so fixated on the vagina?

In the Bible, in film, in literature,

the female body has always been
a vessel to sin.

Women aren't allowed to think about sex,

to express sexuality,

let alone engage in sexual intercourse.

A lot of women abstain from
sexual intercourse before marriage -

all respect to them.

A lot of women choose
to not have sex their whole lives

in order to honor the relationship
with God - all respect to them.

But we also have to respect
the choice of other women as well.

And I have to clarify one thing:

The virginity concept,

abstaining from sex,

has nothing to do

with whatever it is that you think
is between that woman's legs,

the hymen.

Because we can't judge
a woman based on that

if you don't even know enough about it.

I mean, some girls don't even have that.

Oh well, what is the hymen?

I think as a medical student,

I have studied my anatomy enough

to tell you that the hymen
is more like a doughnut.

It has a hole.

I hate to break it to you - pun intended -

but it has a hole.

And actually, it might have
different holes around it

and sometimes some fringes in the middle.

I mean, it comes in different shapes
and sizes and states

in different women.

And there's another thing
that I'd like to clarify -

actually, two things,

some misconceptions about this hymen.

I mean, some men pride themselves

that "Oh, she's going through pain.
I broke her hymen."

Nuh-uh, no.

What actually happens
is that the hymen has no nerve endings,

so you can't feel pain
if it's breaking or sustaining any damage.

What is actually going on
when she's going through pain

is that her vaginal opening,
the canal is not well dilated

because there's somethings you have to do
before sexual intercourse

to put her in the mood.

So if she's not in the mood,
if it's non-consensual sexual assault,

or if she's just not wanting it,

then it's not going to be open,

you're just going to make her feel pain.

But when you do
what you have to do before that,

the brain is going to transmit
those nervous signals to the muscles,

they're going to relax,
the canal will dilate,

and - welcome.

(Laughter)

Another thing I'd like to clarify
is staining the bedsheets.

In fact - I don't know if you know that -

half of you will bleed and half of you
will not bleed on your first time.

It's like flipping a coin:
we'll either bleed or not bleed.

Oh well, so it's like
if you are going to judge a woman

based on whether she stains
the bed sheets or not

and actually kill her if she doesn't -

and that has happened
and we all know that,

it's documented, look it up -

it's like you're flipping a coin
to see if she's going to die or live.

What do you think about that?

There's actually another thing
that I'd like to talk about:

the virginity test,

which is the examination of the hymen,

the state of the hymen,
whether it sustained any damage,

and it's basically a procedure
where a gynecologist comes in,

he opens your legs,

either visually or invasively
examining the state of your hymen.

And there was a study, actually,
that was done on 36 pregnant women -

emphasis on "pregnant" -

and the gynecologist came in too,
and he checked their hymens.

And the result of that test

was that 34 were virgins
and 2 were not virgins,

according to the state of that hymen.

What does that tell you

about the reliability
of the virginity test?

That is being used in child applications
in Algeria and Morocco.

I mean, we're in 2019,

and people are still invading
the woman's privacy.

The World Health Organization,
UN Women, and UN Human Rights Council

have all stated that the virginity test
is unreliable, unethical,

a form of violence against women,
an invasion of women's privacy,

and must therefore be banned,

and they're working on that.

I mean, we're scaring
our little girls, really are!

You're teaching that girl

that your worth,
that your pride, your dignity -

not only yours but your father's -

is all between those two legs of yours.

Why?

Those girls are afraid of riding bikes
to not break the hymen.

They're afraid of exercising
to not break that hymen.

Because once it's gone,
that's your worth -

it's down there,
your father's is down there too.

I mean, girls are undergoing
hymenoplasties.

A hymenoplasty is a surgical procedure
that re-establishes the hymen,

to fake virginity.

They're going to have
all the sex they want,

but because you guys think that way -

the community -

she has to re-establish that hymen.

And that is the main problem.

If you go online - there's a picture -

you can find an artificial hymen
we can put in the vagina

with fake virgin blood.

I mean, the patriarchy is working hard,
but China's working much harder.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

So let's talk about female sexuality.

Let us not judge a woman

based on what she chooses
to do with her body,

something totally instinctive and natural.

I mean, if you want to know
if a girl is a virgin or not -

not that it's any of your business -

all you have to do is ask her.

And this vagina

that you have been shaming your whole life

is the reason you're all here today.

And thank you for coming to my TEDx Talk.

(Cheers) (Applause)