1 00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:12,410 Since elementary school, words have always turned me on - 2 00:00:12,410 --> 00:00:14,050 the affectionate sound of 3 00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:16,160 "move one more again, and I'm gonna pop you," 4 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:17,770 while getting my hair braided; 5 00:00:17,770 --> 00:00:21,780 the sultry way that "ladies love cool jams" 6 00:00:21,780 --> 00:00:25,390 rolls off the tongue when his music is introduced on the radio; 7 00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:30,740 the inspirational lessons detailing the literary devices of onomatopoeia 8 00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,640 and synecdoche in high school. 9 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:38,430 For 29 years, words have been my very best friend. 10 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:44,850 Since elementary school, words have always ostracized me - 11 00:00:44,850 --> 00:00:51,160 the envious eyes of my non-black friends as my black friends and I used jeers 12 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:56,290 and culturally insensitive slurs to express our love for one another; 13 00:00:56,870 --> 00:01:00,060 the covert corners I found a home in 14 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:03,320 as I chose poetry writing over lunch room gossip 15 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,190 for most of my educational career; 16 00:01:07,430 --> 00:01:13,160 the demanding obligation I felt to withhold my feelings and questions 17 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,830 out of fear that my white colleagues and white teachers 18 00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:19,520 would misinterpret my intention; 19 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,530 the inevitable nature of hearing the "N" word 20 00:01:23,530 --> 00:01:28,130 in almost every single space I've ever encountered, 21 00:01:28,390 --> 00:01:31,420 regardless of the race of its occupants. 22 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:37,110 For 29 years, words have been my most archenemy. 23 00:01:37,110 --> 00:01:39,030 The problem is clear. 24 00:01:39,030 --> 00:01:42,840 As a society, we take language for granted. 25 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:47,070 The reason why this problem persists is even more crystal. 26 00:01:47,070 --> 00:01:49,060 People are really stupid. 27 00:01:49,185 --> 00:01:50,605 (Laughter) 28 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:56,810 We assume, naively, that wealth is best measured by bills and coins, 29 00:01:56,810 --> 00:02:00,820 also assuming that any other form of currency is inferior, 30 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,000 and thus, secondary. 31 00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:06,630 Kofi Annan, a great Guinean diplomat, 32 00:02:06,630 --> 00:02:11,370 once said that education is the great equalizer of our time. 33 00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:13,260 Now, again, Kofi is brilliant. 34 00:02:13,260 --> 00:02:15,570 He's amazing, so no shade to him. 35 00:02:15,570 --> 00:02:19,020 But with this one, Kofi was wrong. 36 00:02:19,020 --> 00:02:23,310 Words are more of a lever than education will ever be. 37 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:28,260 We just don't give words a chance to do their thing often enough. 38 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,830 Travel with me on a three-anecdote journey through my adulthood, 39 00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:34,680 and you'll soon agree. 40 00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:39,000 I've been discovering, rediscovering, 41 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:44,280 and re-rediscovering myself for as long as I can possibly remember. 42 00:02:44,820 --> 00:02:49,200 One of the most powerful moments on my journey to self discovery 43 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:55,360 dates back to 2016 when I was forced to reconnect with language. 44 00:02:56,140 --> 00:02:58,050 I remember the first half of my 20s 45 00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:02,020 being characterized by a very fast-paced lifestyle. 46 00:03:02,020 --> 00:03:05,800 I had just recently moved to Boston from my hometown of Cincinnati, Ohio. 47 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,070 And I was very proud of the way 48 00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:12,700 that I fearlessly and brazenly navigated the world, 49 00:03:12,900 --> 00:03:16,660 until I found out I was two months pregnant. 50 00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:20,580 Life had a very funny way of telling me to slow down. 51 00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:23,110 I was distraught. 52 00:03:24,140 --> 00:03:27,850 I remember announcing my pregnancy to everybody I cared about 53 00:03:27,850 --> 00:03:31,620 with a text message that said, "I have bad news." 54 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:33,200 And that was that. 55 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:36,320 My ex-boyfriend at the time, my child's father, 56 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:37,940 responded very graciously. 57 00:03:37,940 --> 00:03:39,620 He was very supportive. 58 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:43,970 So my bad news turned into just news. 59 00:03:43,970 --> 00:03:46,880 And then when my grandma offered some positive words, 60 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,740 I was like, OK, now, we have good news. 61 00:03:48,740 --> 00:03:49,880 So I was excited. 62 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:51,130 I now had good news. 63 00:03:51,130 --> 00:03:54,190 It was a good thing that I was having a baby. 64 00:03:54,830 --> 00:03:58,340 I remember when we found out the birth of Amir, my son - 65 00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:01,020 I'm sorry, the gender of Amir, my son, 66 00:04:01,020 --> 00:04:04,160 and we were so excited that we immediately went shopping. 67 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:08,300 We sifted through so many sale and clearance racks, 68 00:04:08,300 --> 00:04:11,470 as many as the green line could take us to. 69 00:04:13,030 --> 00:04:16,720 At six months, Amir stopped kicking. 70 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,829 He didn't live beyond his six months in my womb. 71 00:04:21,709 --> 00:04:23,120 I cried. 72 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,830 For days, I cried. 73 00:04:26,050 --> 00:04:30,400 For days that turned into weeks, I cried. 74 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,060 For weeks that turned into months, I cried. 75 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:37,060 For months that have now turned into three years, 76 00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:40,140 I still find myself crying sometimes. 77 00:04:40,140 --> 00:04:43,440 Of course, all of the very loving people in my life 78 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:48,090 use their words to try to dry my tears and soothe me. 79 00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:52,230 So I got a lot of "I'm so sorry, Ashley," 80 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:57,730 and some well-meaning, "He's in a better place now, Ashley." 81 00:04:57,730 --> 00:05:01,215 You know, the kind of words we use to soothe people 82 00:05:01,215 --> 00:05:03,080 because we don't know what else to say, 83 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:06,280 even though we know that our words probably aren't working. 84 00:05:07,210 --> 00:05:14,100 It wasn't until I met my therapist that recovery actually felt possible. 85 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,760 My therapist said, "It's OK to cry. 86 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,890 It's OK to grieve. 87 00:05:20,890 --> 00:05:24,520 It's even OK to criticize the way 88 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:28,550 that other people give you permission to do those things." 89 00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:34,940 And so within weeks, I suddenly stopped crying. 90 00:05:35,650 --> 00:05:37,490 I don't know why. 91 00:05:38,610 --> 00:05:41,970 Fast forward to 2017. 92 00:05:41,970 --> 00:05:45,900 So as was stated, I'm an educator, something I'm very proud of. 93 00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:50,220 And I started my educational identity, if you will, 94 00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:53,410 with the Charlie Sposato Graduate School of Education, 95 00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:55,570 which is a teacher residency program 96 00:05:55,570 --> 00:05:58,640 that's housed through Match, a charter network. 97 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:03,110 Specifically, I worked at Match High School in Brighton for five years. 98 00:06:03,620 --> 00:06:06,240 I often give back to the graduate program 99 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,550 because I feel like they did so much for me. 100 00:06:08,550 --> 00:06:13,580 And one notable way that I give back is by speaking on their panels every year. 101 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:17,390 At my most recent talk, I remember being asked a question 102 00:06:17,390 --> 00:06:23,280 about the way that my identity informs my practice as an educator. 103 00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:24,930 Now, anybody who knows me 104 00:06:24,930 --> 00:06:27,480 knows that I was very excited about that question 105 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:32,170 because anything related to race, identity, affirmation, culture, 106 00:06:32,170 --> 00:06:33,560 that's my jam. 107 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,990 That's my topic. 108 00:06:34,990 --> 00:06:38,820 So my excitement came clear in my answers. 109 00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:42,330 I started by reflecting on the tension 110 00:06:42,330 --> 00:06:48,120 that I often feel as a black woman educating black kids. 111 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:49,790 Ironic, right? 112 00:06:50,450 --> 00:06:53,900 I talked about how I'm often conflicted 113 00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:59,030 because even though I share the identity with a lot of my students, 114 00:06:59,030 --> 00:07:03,140 I work in a space - or at that time, especially, I worked in a space - 115 00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:05,060 that was very white-dominated. 116 00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:08,920 So I felt like I had to constrict who I really was. 117 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:13,750 I talked about how my hoop earrings are a statement. 118 00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:19,470 I talked about how my then-much more intricate nail designs are a statement. 119 00:07:19,470 --> 00:07:23,510 And I even talked about the fact that people's typical reaction 120 00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:26,820 to my tattooed aesthetic is a statement too, 121 00:07:26,820 --> 00:07:28,620 just of a different kind. 122 00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,210 I talked about a lot. 123 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:34,690 And I culminated my talking by saying something like, 124 00:07:34,690 --> 00:07:39,370 "It's a black woman thing, though," with a sort of dismissive pride. 125 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:45,770 In response, an eager white resident raised her hand. 126 00:07:45,770 --> 00:07:49,370 And she said, "It's actually not just a black girl thing. 127 00:07:49,370 --> 00:07:51,740 I've experienced that too." 128 00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:55,640 And she proceeded to project her privilege and her story 129 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,350 onto my narrative. 130 00:07:57,350 --> 00:07:59,400 Now, although I didn't appreciate that, 131 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,510 I responded in a way that I don't think was rude. 132 00:08:02,510 --> 00:08:06,170 And I said, "So sure, yes. 133 00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:12,230 Womanhood in patriarchal America is one thing, indeed. 134 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:17,510 However, black womanhood in white patriarchal America 135 00:08:17,510 --> 00:08:19,400 is an entirely different thing." 136 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:24,040 And it's something that, namely, she had no right to speak on. 137 00:08:24,890 --> 00:08:28,650 In response to the words that I offered to the white woman's words, 138 00:08:28,650 --> 00:08:31,490 I got a lot of praise from people. 139 00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:34,640 My most favorite praise was from one of my students 140 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,520 who accompanied me on the panel. 141 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,210 Let's call her Maya. 142 00:08:38,210 --> 00:08:43,880 And Maya said, "Yes, Davis," and she hugged me, very tightly. 143 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,610 Maya hugged me tighter than anybody had ever hugged me before. 144 00:08:48,420 --> 00:08:51,730 I still don't fully understand why. 145 00:08:52,770 --> 00:08:56,790 Fast forward to October 2018. 146 00:08:56,790 --> 00:08:59,400 So I am a principle fellow this year, 147 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,070 which is fancy verbiage for saying 148 00:09:02,070 --> 00:09:06,690 that I'm an underpaid assistant principal studying to be a principal. 149 00:09:07,900 --> 00:09:10,890 I work at a beautifully intimate elementary school. 150 00:09:10,890 --> 00:09:15,000 It's a kindergarten through third grade school, the Shaw, in Mattapan. 151 00:09:15,010 --> 00:09:20,250 And we serve a school full of beautiful students of color. 152 00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:25,080 30% of our student body, about, identifies as Latinx. 153 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:30,140 Notice that I chose to use the word Latinx as opposed to Hispanic. 154 00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:33,540 One of the things that I'm most proud of about my school 155 00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,060 and about Boston alike, 156 00:09:35,060 --> 00:09:36,090 and one of the things 157 00:09:36,090 --> 00:09:39,480 that is actually convincing me to continue to endure the cold, 158 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:44,760 is the fact that Boston is so linguistically diverse. 159 00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:47,730 Many of my students speak English, of course, 160 00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:51,030 but they don't speak English as their primary language. 161 00:09:51,030 --> 00:09:54,640 And they're multilingual in ways that I wish that I were. 162 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:58,500 So that's something that I am incredibly proud of. 163 00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:02,730 However, on the day that this story revolves around, 164 00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:04,610 I was very unproud. 165 00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:09,380 So one of my students, who identifies as Latinx, a girl - 166 00:10:09,380 --> 00:10:12,350 let's call her Taj - is a second grader. 167 00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:14,410 And she's amazing. 168 00:10:14,510 --> 00:10:17,530 Now, all of my students are amazing; I don't have any favorites. 169 00:10:17,530 --> 00:10:20,120 But the thing that makes Taj most amazing 170 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:24,070 is that no matter who's around, she's the same. 171 00:10:24,070 --> 00:10:25,850 And she's in second grade. 172 00:10:25,850 --> 00:10:28,070 So I wanted to share that with her mother. 173 00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:31,010 And I sort of practiced in my head what I was going to say 174 00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:33,320 because as you guys know, I really like words. 175 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:39,550 So I would say something like, in class, Taj answers questions like this. 176 00:10:39,560 --> 00:10:44,410 And then when we're in cheerleading, Taj shows leadership like this. 177 00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:48,170 And when she thinks nobody's watching and she's by herself, 178 00:10:48,170 --> 00:10:49,790 Taj does this - 179 00:10:49,790 --> 00:10:53,630 because I really wanted to capture for Ms. Garcia, Taj's mother, 180 00:10:53,630 --> 00:10:57,860 the full beauty of Taj's personality. 181 00:10:57,860 --> 00:11:00,960 So when my rehearsing in my head sort of ended, 182 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,980 I went on to playground dismissal duty. 183 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:06,143 Of course, I was paying attention to everybody 184 00:11:06,143 --> 00:11:09,210 and making sure that everybody went home with the right person. 185 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:13,190 But I was really just looking for Ms. Garcia, Taj's mom. 186 00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:16,940 When I saw her approaching, I waved very frantically, 187 00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:19,070 like a kid in a candy store almost. 188 00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:21,500 And I sort of rushed over to her. 189 00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:22,947 I just started talking. 190 00:11:22,947 --> 00:11:25,850 We didn't even greet each other, I just started talking. 191 00:11:25,850 --> 00:11:27,920 And then in the middle of my talking, 192 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:32,400 she interrupted me, and said, "Hola, Ms. Davis." 193 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:33,990 And I froze. 194 00:11:34,930 --> 00:11:37,330 It wasn't until then that I realized 195 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,910 that my "perfectly rehearsed" English speech 196 00:11:40,910 --> 00:11:44,010 wouldn't resonate with Taj's mom. 197 00:11:44,010 --> 00:11:46,300 I was embarrassed. 198 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:52,720 Taj, in her brilliant innocence, jumped in and began translating. 199 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,500 She would turn to me and ask me a question in English, 200 00:11:56,500 --> 00:12:01,250 and then she'd resort back to her mother and answer that question in Spanish 201 00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:03,520 with grace and immediacy. 202 00:12:06,430 --> 00:12:11,510 Ms. Garcia, Taj's mom, said, "Gracias, Miss Davis," and began crying. 203 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,920 And all I could do was smile. 204 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:20,010 In reflection, I realized that another thing that makes Taj special 205 00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:24,060 is not the fact that she speaks English. 206 00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:27,930 It's also not the fact that she speaks Spanish. 207 00:12:27,930 --> 00:12:32,180 But it's that, in that moment, she knew very astutely 208 00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:38,360 which language she needed to unite us all - the language of love. 209 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:41,500 I now understand why. 210 00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:44,030 I chose these three stories 211 00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:49,180 because each of them highlights the theme that semantics matter. 212 00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:52,990 The way you say things, the why behind your saying of things, 213 00:12:52,990 --> 00:12:57,700 and the impact of those said things carry weight. 214 00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:01,930 You are your you-est you because of the words you choose 215 00:13:01,930 --> 00:13:04,570 and because of the words you don't. 216 00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:08,600 Your words are your power and your words make you resilient. 217 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:12,800 The question, then, is not about whether or not you have access 218 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,840 to the resiliency of words. 219 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:19,330 The question instead should be about your relationship with words. 220 00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:22,850 Are you like the members of team Amir, 221 00:13:22,850 --> 00:13:25,670 simply repeating words and phrases over and over, 222 00:13:25,670 --> 00:13:29,480 because you don't know what else to say regardless of how they make people feel, 223 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:32,270 just because somebody repeated them to you? 224 00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:35,950 Or are you like the naive resident, 225 00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:38,510 negating the words in other people's words 226 00:13:38,510 --> 00:13:43,000 out of a selfish desire to project your own words onto them? 227 00:13:43,820 --> 00:13:47,120 Or perhaps, maybe you're like Taj, 228 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,770 affirming the word currency in others 229 00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:54,010 regardless of race, status, bias, or creed? 230 00:13:56,210 --> 00:14:01,280 Since birth, our words have defined and fed us: 231 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,240 the shady way we say "Good morning!" 232 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,190 with more cheer to our boss in promotion meetings 233 00:14:07,190 --> 00:14:08,590 than we do to the people 234 00:14:08,590 --> 00:14:12,040 who serve us coffee at Dunkin' Donuts every morning; 235 00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:17,360 the flirtatious way we lead a new friend into our lives 236 00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:22,590 by detailing certain traits about ourself and omitting others 237 00:14:22,590 --> 00:14:25,410 because it's only the first date; 238 00:14:27,050 --> 00:14:30,960 the fact that, as a child, I read a dictionary religiously - 239 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,570 I studied it; 240 00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:35,240 and the fact that now, as an adult, 241 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:37,710 I have a protected list of words 242 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,700 that I'm collecting in the back of my planner; 243 00:14:42,050 --> 00:14:46,240 the fact that most people of color have to rehearse and rewrite 244 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:50,120 what they want to say in their head at least three times 245 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,750 before raising their hand to offer those words aloud 246 00:14:53,750 --> 00:14:57,920 in a setting that white America would consider "professional." 247 00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:04,460 Our entire lives, words have equalized us and made us resilient. 248 00:15:05,450 --> 00:15:07,170 Words matter. 249 00:15:07,830 --> 00:15:09,440 Let them. 250 00:15:10,290 --> 00:15:13,010 If you take nothing else away from this talk, 251 00:15:13,010 --> 00:15:15,240 I urge you to reflect - 252 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,760 word work is deeply personal. 253 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:18,920 It's very private. 254 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:25,290 So find a way to ask yourself: What is my relationship like with words? 255 00:15:25,290 --> 00:15:28,910 Use that answer to coach yourself into improvement 256 00:15:28,910 --> 00:15:31,490 and ultimately into resilience. 257 00:15:31,490 --> 00:15:33,270 You got this. 258 00:15:33,270 --> 00:15:36,070 And if you don't, you'll always have words. 259 00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:37,070 Thank you. 260 00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,200 (Applause)