You've never seen a body

quite the same as that of Houdini

slippery like linguini

sneaking outta teeny weenie little

spaces small enough

to fit your talent David

you're not a challenge David

your biggest endowment's

your bank account balances baby

so abracadabra you billowy bitch

man you look like a pirate

on the Las Vegas strip

I'm swallowing needles and spitting out evil

you couldn't escape from a flash paper bag

I'm badder with patter and matter of fact

you can't match all my skill

if you sawed me in half

When I was a child

you were a god to me

I had to do what you do

now you're like a Chinese wall to me

bitch I'll walk right through you

this ain't the magic that you're used to

I float a rose hands free

like it's Bluetooth

my grand illusions

make your parlor tricks irrelevant

the foot of lady liberty

is stomping on your elephant

you failed at making movies

and you failed at making kids

you should stick to what you're good at

and lock them lips

here's a tidbit that might drive you nuts

I bought half your shit

and I keep it locked up

got the slim fingers that were built for slights

you're a chunky stuntman dressed in tights

you talk shit about your hero

that ain't right

but you can look up to me now

I know you like heights

Your hack of a Bob Saget-y act

is embarassing

you're the saddest thing to happen

to Magic since The Gathering

I'm hanging by my ankles

from a crane I dangle

I got lox on my bagel

that you couldn't handle

smash your mirrors

leave your flying wires tangled

and you can't hide shame

with a camera angle

did somebody say Angel?

No

Oh

See what they'd be watching

if it wasn't for me?

I remind the world that magic

is supposed to make you happy

while you waste time

proving everybody wrong

I'm backstage getting my

supermodel groove on

you should relax take a private trip

to my private island

suck my private dick

I'll summon up a little Halloween brunch

deep fried sucker

with a side of punch

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide