WEBVTT

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Hey God it's me Ellen

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can I ask you a question?

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how do I tell my friend Oprah

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she's gonna get more whipped

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than Stedman

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I'll make her head spin

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when it comes to rhymes

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I got a penchant

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so if battling me is your intention

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I better mention

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you're bout to get licked by a lesbian

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oh I'll knock you off of your throne

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take a shot at everything you OWN

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I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say

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I think you better just leave her alone

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you can tell Rachael Ray

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that my favorite recipe

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is chopping Oprah Winfrey up

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into a million little pieces

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I'm the Queen of TV

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and I'm here to destroy ya

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so check under your seat

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because I got something for ya

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you can't even hope

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to be as half as dope as Oprah

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I'll attract my hands

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around your throat

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and Deepak choke ya

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girl your show's a petting zoo

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you do a week on kittens

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and you dance like a chicken

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who snuck into Drunk Kitchen

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you played a fish with brain damage

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I'm a nominated actress

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name's synonymous with power

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spell it forwards or backwards

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Yes you've got that power

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and yes I've got those kittens

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I also feature puppies

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talented children

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and mittens

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I like cute things that make people smile

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make everybody feel good for a while

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do a little dance and the crowd goes wild

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kick you right back to the miracle mile

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I thought I told ya

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your daytime reign is over

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I'm jumping over Oprah

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like I'm Tom Cruise on a sofa

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from ABC to LGBT

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to NBC and now it's all me

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I'm the best emcee

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and the biggest star

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and I'll bite you in the ass

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like the tax on a free car

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Your mouth is writing checks

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your mullet can't cash lady

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I'll lodge my fabulous shoe

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up your suit pants baby

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you follow my lead

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cause I paved the road for ya

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you drive behind me

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in a secondhand Porsche

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check the Fortune 500

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I'm a media wonder

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the Dalai Lama and Obama

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memorize my cell number

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try to beef with me

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I'll make the whole market crash honey

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once you go Oprah

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you can't go back

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Who won?

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Who's next?

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You decide