0:00:12.884,0:00:14.486
Hey God it's me Ellen

0:00:14.486,0:00:15.988
can I ask you a question?

0:00:15.988,0:00:17.573
how do I tell my friend Oprah

0:00:17.573,0:00:18.600
she's gonna get more whipped

0:00:18.600,0:00:19.416
than Stedman

0:00:19.416,0:00:20.285
I'll make her head spin

0:00:20.285,0:00:21.165
when it comes to rhymes

0:00:21.165,0:00:21.971
I got a penchant

0:00:21.971,0:00:23.483
so if battling me is your intention

0:00:23.483,0:00:24.407
I better mention

0:00:24.407,0:00:26.271
you're bout to get licked by a lesbian

0:00:26.271,0:00:28.098
oh I'll knock you off of your throne

0:00:28.098,0:00:29.493
take a shot at everything you OWN

0:00:29.493,0:00:31.129
I got the skill to make Doctor Phil say

0:00:31.129,0:00:32.502
I think you better just leave her alone

0:00:32.502,0:00:34.125
you can tell Rachael Ray

0:00:34.125,0:00:35.558
that my favorite recipe

0:00:35.558,0:00:37.126
is chopping Oprah Winfrey up

0:00:37.126,0:00:39.446
into a million little pieces

0:00:39.446,0:00:40.622
I'm the Queen of TV

0:00:40.622,0:00:42.508
and I'm here to destroy ya

0:00:42.508,0:00:43.771
so check under your seat

0:00:43.771,0:00:45.953
because I got something for ya

0:00:45.953,0:00:47.129
you can't even hope

0:00:47.129,0:00:48.868
to be as half as dope as Oprah

0:00:48.868,0:00:50.023
I'll attract my hands

0:00:50.023,0:00:50.753
around your throat

0:00:50.753,0:00:52.569
and Deepak choke ya

0:00:52.569,0:00:54.118
girl your show's a petting zoo

0:00:54.118,0:00:55.439
you do a week on kittens

0:00:55.439,0:00:57.075
and you dance like a chicken

0:00:57.075,0:00:58.631
who snuck into Drunk Kitchen

0:00:58.631,0:01:00.367
you played a fish with brain damage

0:01:00.367,0:01:02.023
I'm a nominated actress

0:01:02.023,0:01:03.623
name's synonymous with power

0:01:03.623,0:01:05.728
spell it forwards or backwards

0:01:05.728,0:01:07.137
Yes you've got that power

0:01:07.137,0:01:08.901
and yes I've got those kittens

0:01:08.901,0:01:10.280
I also feature puppies

0:01:10.280,0:01:11.343
talented children

0:01:11.343,0:01:11.951
and mittens

0:01:11.951,0:01:13.892
I like cute things that make people smile

0:01:13.892,0:01:15.578
make everybody feel good for a while

0:01:15.578,0:01:17.228
do a little dance and the crowd goes wild

0:01:17.228,0:01:18.885
kick you right back to the miracle mile

0:01:18.885,0:01:20.327
I thought I told ya

0:01:20.327,0:01:21.894
your daytime reign is over

0:01:21.894,0:01:23.416
I'm jumping over Oprah

0:01:23.416,0:01:25.144
like I'm Tom Cruise on a sofa

0:01:25.144,0:01:26.879
from ABC to LGBT

0:01:26.879,0:01:28.537
to NBC and now it's all me

0:01:28.537,0:01:29.379
I'm the best emcee

0:01:29.379,0:01:30.173
and the biggest star

0:01:30.173,0:01:30.990
and I'll bite you in the ass

0:01:30.990,0:01:32.274
like the tax on a free car

0:01:32.274,0:01:33.497
Your mouth is writing checks

0:01:33.497,0:01:35.425
your mullet can't cash lady

0:01:35.425,0:01:36.967
I'll lodge my fabulous shoe

0:01:36.967,0:01:38.859
up your suit pants baby

0:01:38.859,0:01:40.345
you follow my lead

0:01:40.345,0:01:42.007
cause I paved the road for ya

0:01:42.007,0:01:43.158
you drive behind me

0:01:43.158,0:01:44.756
in a secondhand Porsche

0:01:44.756,0:01:46.452
check the Fortune 500

0:01:46.452,0:01:47.804
I'm a media wonder

0:01:47.804,0:01:49.679
the Dalai Lama and Obama

0:01:49.679,0:01:51.862
memorize my cell number

0:01:51.862,0:01:52.790
try to beef with me

0:01:52.790,0:01:55.057
I'll make the whole market crash honey

0:01:55.057,0:01:56.515
once you go Oprah

0:01:56.515,0:01:58.786
you can't go back

0:01:58.786,0:02:00.429
Who won?

0:02:00.429,0:02:01.986
Who's next?

0:02:01.986,0:02:04.001
You decide