[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.32,0:00:03.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was six years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.44,0:00:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our house caught fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.04,0:00:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my mother died.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.11,0:00:09.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a cold February night in Michigan.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.43,0:00:11.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our chimney had recently been fixed,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.37,0:00:14.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we had a warm fire going\Nin the fireplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.22,0:00:16.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My younger sister and I\Nwere sitting next to our dog
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.83,0:00:19.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and coloring with a brand-new box\Nof colored pencils,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.83,0:00:21.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when Mom said it was time for bed.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.84,0:00:23.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'd planned to go up north that night
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.72,0:00:25.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a weekend of\Nsnowmobiling and sledding,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.100,0:00:28.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was already dark\Nand snowing outside,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.19,0:00:30.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we decided to leave\Nthe next morning instead.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.31,0:00:34.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We went upstairs, brushed our teeth,\Nclimbed into bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.49,0:00:36.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my sister's room right next to the stairs,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.60,0:00:38.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and mine at the far end of the hallway.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.96,0:00:41.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our parents tucked us in\Nand kissed us good night
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.44,0:00:43.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then left the door open just a crack,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.68,0:00:46.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the hallway light on,\Nas it always was.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.83,0:00:50.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the middle of the night,\NI woke up sweating,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.22,0:00:53.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,confused because I couldn't see\Nthat hallway light.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.13,0:00:54.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started shouting for my parents
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.76,0:00:58.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until finally, I heard words\Nthat I'll never forget:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.08,0:00:59.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dave, it's a fire!"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.35,0:01:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We later found out\Nthat our fire from earlier
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.98,0:01:06.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had burned through an unrepaired\Ncrack in the chimney,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.10,0:01:08.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,causing the fireplace doors to explode
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.14,0:01:10.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and fire to just pour into\Nthe living room.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.86,0:01:14.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember my mom running down\Nto my sister's room,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.30,0:01:15.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,frantically searching for her
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.92,0:01:18.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally finding her on the floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.56,0:01:20.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I crawled after her on my hands and knees,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.87,0:01:22.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying not to breathe in the smoke.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.52,0:01:26.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember standing\Nnext to my sister's room,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.33,0:01:28.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to turn on that hallway light,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.71,0:01:30.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was already on;
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.49,0:01:33.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just couldn't see it because\Nthe smoke was so thick.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.89,0:01:37.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember feeling\Nthe heat of the fire on my skin
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.99,0:01:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and hearing the sound of it\Nas it climbed up the stairs.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.83,0:01:46.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My dad ran down to my bedroom window\Nas an escape route,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.83,0:01:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was February,\Nand it was frozen shut.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.26,0:01:53.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eventually, he broke the window\Nand pried it open,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.62,0:01:56.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his arms and hands covered\Nin glass and cuts.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.85,0:02:00.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He lifted my sister and me\Nonto an awning under the window
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.83,0:02:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and told us to shout for help.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.06,0:02:04.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not seeing my mom,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.48,0:02:07.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he considered going back\Ninto the fire to find her,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.54,0:02:11.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but after looking at my sister and me\Nhuddled together on that roof
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.32,0:02:14.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and knowing that neither of them\Nmay make it out,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.22,0:02:16.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he stayed with us,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.12,0:02:18.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,calling her name\Nthrough the window instead.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.12,0:02:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few minutes,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.32,0:02:24.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a man driving down the street\Nsaw the smoke and fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.81,0:02:26.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,drove onto our lawn,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.14,0:02:27.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,climbed onto the roof of his car
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.76,0:02:30.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and told us to jump into his arms.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.22,0:02:31.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'd never seen him before,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.65,0:02:33.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even though he saved our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.38,0:02:34.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we never saw him again.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.27,0:02:37.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were brought over to a neighbor's house
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.31,0:02:40.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while Dad continued to wait\Non the roof for my mom,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.36,0:02:42.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reaching his arms and hands\Nthrough the window
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.00,0:02:44.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and into the fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.42,0:02:47.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,calling her name over and over.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.80,0:02:51.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said later that when\Nthe fire department arrived,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.37,0:02:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they carried him down the ladder\Njust as a lower-level window shattered
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.82,0:02:56.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and burst into flames.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.64,0:02:59.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It took the fire department\Nlonger to find my mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.55,0:03:03.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She'd been on the floor\Nof my bedroom the entire time,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.43,0:03:06.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pinned down by a dresser\Nthat had fallen on her leg.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.71,0:03:09.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We think she went back\Nto look for our dog,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.39,0:03:12.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but by the time the fire department\Nreached them it was too late.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.01,0:03:15.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She died on the way to the hospital.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.46,0:03:19.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad was in critical condition,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.34,0:03:23.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with smoke inhalation and burns\Nand cuts over a third of his body.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.53,0:03:25.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He spent nearly a month in the hospital,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.52,0:03:27.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unable to attend Mom's funeral
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.62,0:03:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and undergoing multiple,\Nexcruciating skin graft surgeries.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.27,0:03:35.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My sister and I stayed\Nwith a neighbor across the street,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.32,0:03:38.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we would sit in front\Nof their living room window for hours,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.83,0:03:41.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just staring at the remains\Nof our burnt home.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.19,0:03:43.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few days, it became evident
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.91,0:03:47.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we would need to go and stay\Nwith some different family friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.64,0:03:50.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next few years were tough.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.32,0:03:53.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a single father of two young girls,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.39,0:03:55.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad did his very best to provide for us
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.39,0:03:58.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as we all tried to grieve and recover.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.72,0:04:02.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We began to move on in this new reality.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.77,0:04:06.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad bought a new house down the street,\Nwithout a fireplace,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.14,0:04:07.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and eventually remarried.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.01,0:04:10.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My sister and I excelled in school.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.13,0:04:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a cheerleader,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.31,0:04:13.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she rode horses\Nand played in the band.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.12,0:04:18.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But nothing could stop the gut-wrenching\Nnightmares that haunted me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.29,0:04:20.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would dream of fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.80,0:04:23.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of being trapped in fire with no escape.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.64,0:04:25.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember, and even now I can feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.93,0:04:28.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the sheer panic\Nand the pressure in my chest.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.45,0:04:33.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or worse were the dreams where\NI was outside the fire watching it,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.75,0:04:35.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to save the people inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.28,0:04:40.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd wake up gasping for breath,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.34,0:04:43.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tears running down my face and sobbing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.72,0:04:48.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was 15,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.60,0:04:50.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a friend of mine\Nand a very talented artist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.72,0:04:53.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,painted two abstract portraits for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.23,0:04:54.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One was done in black and white
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.76,0:04:58.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and depicted a scared girl\Ncowering in the corner of a room,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.15,0:05:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shadows surrounding her.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.10,0:05:02.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other was a bursting rainbow of color;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.59,0:05:04.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the girl was in the center of the page,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.54,0:05:06.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,arms open and outstretched,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.39,0:05:08.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clearly full of joy and happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.57,0:05:11.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He knew my past,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.43,0:05:14.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he knew that I was\Nconflicted and confused,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.45,0:05:16.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he had also seen my potential
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.28,0:05:18.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wanted to show me what he already saw.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.30,0:05:22.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few years,\NI realized that these two portraits
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.33,0:05:25.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,showed two completely different\Npaths before me:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.40,0:05:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a life of fear
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.63,0:05:29.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the promise and potential for recovery.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.04,0:05:33.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had always been drawn\Nto that brighter, more colorful painting,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.11,0:05:35.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I wasn't quite sure\Nwhat it meant for me
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.33,0:05:39.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or how to transform my current mentality\Ninto that kind of joy and happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.43,0:05:42.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So outwardly, I moved on with life --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.62,0:05:45.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,graduated high school, went to college --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.08,0:05:46.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while inwardly,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.81,0:05:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I continued to bounce between\Nthe highest of highs
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.94,0:05:51.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the lowest of lows,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.70,0:05:54.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like a Ping-Pong ball\Nbetween those two portraits.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.01,0:06:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 2004, I went backpacking\Nthrough Central America with a friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.04,0:06:02.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We spent our first week\Non the island of Roatán,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.41,0:06:03.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,off the coast of Honduras.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.81,0:06:06.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few days there,\Nmy friend and I realized
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.17,0:06:09.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that one of our new local friends\Nwas a fire dancer.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.99,0:06:12.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Neither of us had ever seen\Nfire dancing before,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.70,0:06:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so one night, we decided to go see a show.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.95,0:06:20.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We watched, mesmerized,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.27,0:06:23.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as he and two friends\Nlit these props on fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.93,0:06:25.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,threw them in the air
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.12,0:06:27.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and spun them around their bodies.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.46,0:06:32.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their moves were\Ndeliberate and controlled,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.59,0:06:36.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yet still graceful\Nand flowing to the music.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.78,0:06:41.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was completely entranced.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.52,0:06:44.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next day, he offered to teach us\Nhow to fire dance, or "spin" --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.96,0:06:46.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without fire, of course.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.64,0:06:48.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He showed us the difference\Nbetween a fire staff,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.98,0:06:52.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a long piece of wood\Nor aluminum with two Kevlar wicks,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.78,0:06:56.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and fire poi, which are Kevlar wicks\Nwith chains and finger loops.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.04,0:07:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After that first time spinning poi,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.54,0:07:04.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew that this was a hobby\Nthat I wanted to continue learning
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.31,0:07:07.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the hopes that maybe one day,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.36,0:07:10.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I might be brave enough\Nto try it with fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.76,0:07:14.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I can guess what\Npeople might be thinking:
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.27,0:07:17.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How was I not terrified\Nand running in the opposite direction?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.04,0:07:20.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And honestly, I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.80,0:07:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that perhaps being a cheerleader\Nand doing gymnastics and piano
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.47,0:07:25.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while growing up,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.80,0:07:28.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these activities were\Nvery structured and prescribed,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.94,0:07:32.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whereas this type of flow art\Nseemed like a form of meditation
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.71,0:07:34.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but with a focus on fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.49,0:07:37.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this thing that scared me\Nso deeply for my entire life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.54,0:07:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After that first time practicing,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.25,0:07:43.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my friend and I cobbled together\Nour own sets of homemade poi
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.18,0:07:45.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,using socks, shoelaces and tennis balls.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.92,0:07:48.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We did not light shoelaces\Nand socks on fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.34,0:07:50.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we just used it for the practice part.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.45,0:07:52.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But after returning home to Michigan,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.33,0:07:55.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we decided to buy\Nour own sets of actual fire poi.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.91,0:07:57.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after a few months,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.47,0:08:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we decided that we were ready\Nto light them on fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.91,0:08:03.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We bundled up in cotton layers,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.42,0:08:04.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got a fire extinguisher,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.01,0:08:06.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wet a towel for safety,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.43,0:08:07.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,prepared our fuel,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.83,0:08:11.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gave each other a very energetic\Npep talk and high five
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.72,0:08:13.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and lit those poi on fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.68,0:08:18.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was terrifying.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.10,0:08:21.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Half of my brain was freaking out
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.31,0:08:24.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thinking, "OK, wait --\Nmaybe we need to think about this.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.38,0:08:26.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We should probably stop."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.32,0:08:28.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The sound of the fire\Nas it whooshed by my head
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.81,0:08:29.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was incredibly loud
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.02,0:08:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and brought me right back to my childhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.94,0:08:35.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it was also incredibly exhilarating.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.62,0:08:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other half of my brain,\Nthe creative half, was thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.26,0:08:44.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I can't believe it! I'm a fire dancer."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.60,0:08:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For anyone who spins,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.01,0:08:48.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a level of adrenaline
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.48,0:08:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or that rush of fire dancing.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.95,0:08:54.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as someone whose life\Nhad been so greatly impacted by fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.52,0:08:57.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also felt an immense sense\Nof empowerment
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.84,0:09:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at being able to control\Nand manipulate fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.46,0:09:05.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I made a conscious decision\Nto step out of my grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.36,0:09:07.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was not easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.95,0:09:11.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a Nirvana lyric that says\N"I miss the comfort of being sad,"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.21,0:09:12.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that was exactly it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.82,0:09:15.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in control of my sadness.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.06,0:09:18.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew what it would bring to me,\Nand I knew what to expect,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.11,0:09:20.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I also knew deep down that eventually,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.31,0:09:24.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had to do that really hard work\Nof trying to heal from my past.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.27,0:09:27.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I kept practicing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.62,0:09:30.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took a plastic grocery bag,\Ncut it into strips,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.66,0:09:32.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tied it to the ends of those poi
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.39,0:09:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and used it to replicate the sound\Nof the fire as it went past my head.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.98,0:09:38.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I kept lighting the poi on fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.64,0:09:42.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At some point, something shifted.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.08,0:09:44.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My perspective on fire dancing changed
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.23,0:09:46.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from something that I was\Napprehensive about
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.82,0:09:50.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to something that brought me\Na sort of peace.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.82,0:09:53.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without realizing it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.19,0:09:56.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had initiated my own form\Nof exposure therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.05,0:09:57.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an actual type of psychotherapy
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.74,0:10:02.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you deliberately expose yourself\Nto things that have caused you trauma
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.13,0:10:03.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or scare you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.61,0:10:06.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd exposed myself to fire\Nin this very unique way
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.85,0:10:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and had transformed what it meant to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.68,0:10:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My nightmares slowed down
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.19,0:10:15.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and now, years later,\Nhave stopped almost completely.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.02,0:10:20.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started fire dancing not just for myself\Nbut at events and performances.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.36,0:10:23.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started a fire troop with friends\Nwhile living in Dubai,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.98,0:10:27.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,created beautiful art with my sister\Nwho became a photographer,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.63,0:10:30.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,taught children how to spin\Nat birthday parties,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.41,0:10:32.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,performed onstage and at festivals
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.54,0:10:35.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even taught my own children\Nthe basics of spinning.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.10,0:10:38.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's not to say
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.27,0:10:41.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I don't still have\Nan apprehension to fire in general.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.34,0:10:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can practice a move a million times,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.80,0:10:45.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then when I try it with fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.44,0:10:48.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel that familiar panic\Nand tightening in my chest.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.57,0:10:52.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm still apprehensive about living\Nin a two-story house
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.99,0:10:55.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or having a fireplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.77,0:10:57.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every night before I go to sleep,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.95,0:11:00.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I clear a path between\Nmy kids' bedroom doors,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.91,0:11:02.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our bedroom door
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.08,0:11:03.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all the exit doors,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.27,0:11:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in case we need to leave quickly.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.88,0:11:06.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's taken me a long time
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.31,0:11:09.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get on board with the idea\Nof closing bedroom doors at night
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.90,0:11:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to slow down a fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.64,0:11:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'd always thought if I closed\Nmy kids' bedroom doors,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.24,0:11:18.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I might not be able to hear them\Nlike my mom heard me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.10,0:11:21.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, this is my story.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.56,0:11:23.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't say that I have the answer
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.69,0:11:26.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for someone with a different\Nkind of trauma.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.12,0:11:27.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If the situation had been reversed,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.89,0:11:29.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'd lost a child in a fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.01,0:11:32.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not sure that fire dancing\Nwould be the answer,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.59,0:11:35.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if I'd even have the capacity\Nto get near fire again.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.13,0:11:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what I can say from my own experience
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.69,0:11:42.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that after experiencing\Na trauma or hardship,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.28,0:11:44.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have a choice between two paths.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.62,0:11:49.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One path will lead you to a life of fear\Nand cowering in the darkness,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.11,0:11:51.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like that black-and-white painting\NI described earlier.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.92,0:11:54.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might move on with life,\Nbut at the same time,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.32,0:11:57.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're still clinging to that sadness\Nthat brings you comfort.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.92,0:12:00.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other path, stepping out of grief,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.77,0:12:03.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will not change or undo anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.96,0:12:05.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It will be hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.47,0:12:07.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It will always be hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.21,0:12:11.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with high mountains\Nand deep, dark valleys.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.51,0:12:16.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this path looks forward\Nand moves forward.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.63,0:12:18.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I learned to dance with fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.74,0:12:22.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned to reconcile\Nthe traumatic part of my life
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.14,0:12:25.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the totality of my life\Nas it was still unfolding.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.74,0:12:28.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fire became more than just trauma
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.95,0:12:30.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but beauty and art as well,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.92,0:12:34.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everything, all at once, just like life,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.28,0:12:36.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,flickering and smoldering
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.30,0:12:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and burning and dazzling,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.19,0:12:44.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and somehow, in the middle of it,\Nfinding a way to dance ...
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.96,0:12:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.25,0:12:47.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.