[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.32,0:00:03.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was six years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.44,0:00:05.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our house caught fire
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.16,0:00:06.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my mother died.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.28,0:00:09.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a cold, February night in Michigan.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.59,0:00:11.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our chimney had recently been fixed,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.53,0:00:14.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we had a warm fire\Ngoing in the fireplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.32,0:00:16.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My younger sister and I\Nwere sitting next to our dog
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.93,0:00:19.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and coloring with a brand new\Nbox of colored pencils
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.89,0:00:21.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when Mom said it was time for bed.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.84,0:00:25.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'd planned to go up north that night\Nfor a weekend of snowmobiling
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.08,0:00:26.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sledding,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.23,0:00:28.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was already dark\Nand snowing outside,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.34,0:00:30.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we decided to leave\Nthe next morning instead.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.36,0:00:32.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We went upstairs,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.54,0:00:33.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,brushed our teeth,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.54,0:00:34.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,climbed into bed --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.68,0:00:36.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my sister's room right next to the stairs
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.70,0:00:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and mine at the far end of the hallway.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.08,0:00:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our parents tucked us in\Nand kissed us goodnight,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.51,0:00:43.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then left the door open just a crack
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.72,0:00:45.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the hallway light on,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.12,0:00:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as it always was.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.95,0:00:50.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the middle of the night\NI woke up sweating,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.22,0:00:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,confused because I couldn't\Nsee that hallway light.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.22,0:00:54.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started shouting for my parents
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.80,0:00:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until finally I heard words\Nthat I'll never forget:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.10,0:01:00.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Dave, it's a fire."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.48,0:01:03.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We later found out\Nthat our fire from earlier
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.02,0:01:06.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had burned through an unrepaired\Ncrack in the chimney
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.20,0:01:08.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,causing the fireplace doors to explode
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.14,0:01:10.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and fire to just pour\Ninto the living room.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.98,0:01:14.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember my mom\Nrunning down to my sister's room,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.30,0:01:16.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,frantically searching for her
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.06,0:01:18.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally finding her on the floor.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.70,0:01:20.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I crawled after her on my hands and knees,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.94,0:01:22.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying not to breathe in the smoke.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.77,0:01:26.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember standing\Nnext to my sister's room,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.33,0:01:28.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to turn on that hallway light,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.78,0:01:30.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was already on,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.65,0:01:33.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just couldn't see it because\Nthe smoke was so thick.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.89,0:01:38.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember feeling the heat\Nof the fire on my skin
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.23,0:01:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and hearing the sound of it\Nas it climbed up the stairs.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.83,0:01:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My dad ran down to my bedroom window\Nas an escape route,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.08,0:01:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it was February\Nand it was frozen shut.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.43,0:01:53.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Eventually, he broke the window\Nand pried it open,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.72,0:01:56.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,his arms and hands covered\Nin glass and cuts.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.94,0:02:00.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He lifted my sister and me\Nonto an awning under the window
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.83,0:02:02.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and told us to shout for help.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.15,0:02:04.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not seeing my mom,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.71,0:02:07.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he considered going back\Ninto the fire to find her,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.62,0:02:11.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but after looking at my sister and me\Nhuddled together on that roof,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.32,0:02:14.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and knowing that neither of them\Nmay make it out,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.31,0:02:16.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he stayed with us,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.22,0:02:18.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,calling her name\Nthrough the window instead.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.12,0:02:21.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few minutes,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.32,0:02:24.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a man driving down the street\Nsaw the smoke and fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.96,0:02:26.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,drove onto our lawn,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.34,0:02:27.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,climbed onto the roof of his car
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.92,0:02:29.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and told us to jump into his arms.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.39,0:02:31.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'd never seen him before,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.76,0:02:33.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even though he saved our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.43,0:02:34.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we never saw him again.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.45,0:02:37.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were brought over to a neighbor's house
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.45,0:02:40.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while Dad continued to wait\Non the roof for my mom,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.42,0:02:43.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reaching his arms and hands\Nthrough the window
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.15,0:02:44.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and into the fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.62,0:02:47.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,calling her name over and over.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.80,0:02:51.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said later that when the fire\Ndepartment arrived,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.44,0:02:54.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they carried him down the ladder\Njust as a lower-level window shattered
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.81,0:02:56.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and burst into flames.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.81,0:02:59.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It took the fire department\Nlonger to find my mom.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.66,0:03:03.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She'd been on the floor\Nof my bedroom the entire time,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.43,0:03:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pinned down by a dresser\Nthat had fallen on her leg.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.81,0:03:09.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We think she went back\Nto look for our dog,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.55,0:03:12.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but by the time the fire department\Nreached them it was too late.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.10,0:03:15.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She died on the way to the hospital.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.56,0:03:19.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad was in critical condition
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.49,0:03:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with smoke inhalation and burns\Nand cuts over a third of his body.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.62,0:03:25.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He spent nearly a month in the hospital,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.55,0:03:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,unable to attend Mom's funeral
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.62,0:03:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and undergoing multiple,\Nexcruciating skin graft surgeries.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.34,0:03:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My sister and I stayed\Nwith a neighbor across the street,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.46,0:03:38.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we would sit in front\Nof their living room window for hours
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.93,0:03:41.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just staring at the remains\Nof our burnt home.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.42,0:03:45.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few days it became evident\Nthat we would need to go
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.22,0:03:47.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and stay with some\Ndifferent family friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.86,0:03:50.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next few years were tough.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.47,0:03:53.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a single father of two young girls,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.54,0:03:55.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad did his very best to provide for us
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.63,0:03:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as we all tried to grieve and recover.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.76,0:04:02.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We began to move on in this new reality.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.90,0:04:04.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dad bought a new house\Ndown the street --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.90,0:04:06.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without a fireplace --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.25,0:04:07.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and eventually remarried.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.14,0:04:10.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My sister and I excelled in school.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.32,0:04:11.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was a cheerleader
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.41,0:04:13.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she rode horses\Nand played in the band.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.18,0:04:17.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But nothing could stop the gut-wrenching\Nnightmares that haunted me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.34,0:04:20.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would dream of fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.96,0:04:23.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of being trapped in fire with no escape.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.78,0:04:27.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember and even now\NI can feel the sheer panic
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.06,0:04:28.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the pressure in my chest.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.55,0:04:33.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or worse were the dreams where\NI was outside the fire watching it,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.98,0:04:36.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trying to save the people inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.37,0:04:40.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd wake up gasping for breath,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.34,0:04:42.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tears running down my face
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.06,0:04:43.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sobbing.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.88,0:04:48.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was 15,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.69,0:04:49.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a friend of mine,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.69,0:04:50.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a very talented artist,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.98,0:04:53.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,painted two abstract portraits for me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.40,0:04:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One was done in black and white
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.89,0:04:58.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and depicted a scared girl\Ncowering in the corner of a room,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.24,0:04:59.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shadows surrounding her.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.18,0:05:02.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other was a bursting rainbow of color;
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.75,0:05:04.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the girl was in the center of the page,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.64,0:05:06.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,arms open and outstretched,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.45,0:05:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,clearly full of joy and happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.57,0:05:11.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He knew my past
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.55,0:05:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he knew that I was\Nconflicted and confused,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.49,0:05:16.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he'd also seen my potential
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.41,0:05:18.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wanted to show me what he already saw.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.47,0:05:20.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few years,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.47,0:05:22.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I realized that these two portraits
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.40,0:05:25.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,showed two completely different\Npaths before me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.50,0:05:26.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A life of fear,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.73,0:05:29.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the promise and potential for recovery.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.23,0:05:33.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had always been drawn\Nto that brighter, more colorful painting,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.28,0:05:35.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I wasn't quite sure\Nwhat it meant for me
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.60,0:05:39.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or how to transform my current mentality\Ninto that kind of joy and happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.42,0:05:41.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So outwardly,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.62,0:05:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I moved on with life --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.81,0:05:43.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,graduated high school,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.94,0:05:45.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,went to college --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.21,0:05:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while inwardly,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.98,0:05:49.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I continued to bounce\Nbetween the highest of highs
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.94,0:05:51.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the lowest of lows,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.82,0:05:54.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like a Ping-Pong ball\Nbetween those two portraits.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.12,0:05:59.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 2004, I went backpacking\Nthrough Central America with a friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.15,0:06:02.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We spent our first weekend\Non the island of Roatán,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.53,0:06:03.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,off the coast of Honduras.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.91,0:06:05.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After a few days there,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.05,0:06:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my friend and I realized
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.30,0:06:09.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that one of our new local friends\Nwas a fire dancer.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.17,0:06:12.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Neither of us had ever seen\Nfire dancing before,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.84,0:06:15.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so one night we decided to go see a show.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.18,0:06:20.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We watched, mesmerized,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.45,0:06:23.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as he and two friends lit\Nthese props on fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.93,0:06:25.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,threw them in the air
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.12,0:06:27.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and spun them around their bodies.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.74,0:06:32.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Their moves were deliberate and controlled
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.76,0:06:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yet still graceful\Nand flowing to the music.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.92,0:06:41.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was completely entranced.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:41.59,0:06:44.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next day he offered\Nto teach us how to fire dance,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.29,0:06:45.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or spin --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.29,0:06:46.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without fire, of course.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.71,0:06:49.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He showed us the difference\Nbetween a fire staff
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.28,0:06:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a long piece of wood\Nor aluminum with two Kevlar wicks,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.78,0:06:56.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and fire poi which are Kevlar wicks\Nwith chains and finger loops.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.04,0:07:00.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After that first time spinning poi,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.60,0:07:04.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew that this was a hobby\Nthat I wanted to continue learning
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.38,0:07:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the hopes that maybe one day
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.36,0:07:10.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I might be brave enough\Nto try it with fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.94,0:07:14.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I can guess what\Npeople might be thinking.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.38,0:07:17.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How was I not terrified\Nand running in the opposite direction?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.19,0:07:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And honestly, I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.96,0:07:24.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that perhaps being a cheerleader\Nand doing gymnastics and piano
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.51,0:07:25.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while growing up,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.87,0:07:29.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these activities were\Nvery structured and prescribed,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.01,0:07:32.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whereas this type of flow art\Nseemed like a form of meditation
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.86,0:07:34.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but with a focus on fire --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.37,0:07:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this thing that scared me\Nso deeply for my entire life.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.66,0:07:40.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After that first time practicing,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:40.45,0:07:43.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my friend and I cobbled together\Nour own sets of homemade poi
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.34,0:07:45.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,using socks, shoelaces and tennis balls.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.05,0:07:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We did not light shoelaces\Nand socks on fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.40,0:07:50.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we just used it for the practice part.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.58,0:07:52.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But after returning home to Michigan,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.36,0:07:55.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we decided to buy\Nour own sets of actual fire poi.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.07,0:07:57.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after a few months,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.47,0:08:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we decided that we were ready\Nto light them on fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.99,0:08:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We bundled up in cotton layers,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.50,0:08:05.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got a fire extinguisher,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.12,0:08:06.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wet a towel for safety,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.43,0:08:07.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,prepared our fuel,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.83,0:08:11.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gave each other a very energetic\Npep talk and high five,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.89,0:08:14.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and lit those poi on fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.68,0:08:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was terrifying.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:19.17,0:08:21.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Half of my brain was freaking out
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.31,0:08:22.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and thinking, OK, wait,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.98,0:08:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe we need to think about this.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.61,0:08:26.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We should probably stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.37,0:08:28.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The sound of the fire\Nas it whooshed by my head
Dialogue: 0,0:08:28.92,0:08:30.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was incredibly loud
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.13,0:08:32.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and brought me right back to my childhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.94,0:08:35.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it was also incredibly exhilarating.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.66,0:08:39.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other half of my brain,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.53,0:08:41.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the creative half was thinking:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.36,0:08:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't believe it,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.86,0:08:44.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a fire dancer.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.66,0:08:47.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For anyone who spins,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.16,0:08:48.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a level of adrenaline
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.72,0:08:50.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or that rush of fire dancing,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.95,0:08:54.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but as someone whose life\Nhad been so greatly impacted by fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.63,0:08:58.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I also felt an immense sense\Nof empowerment
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.05,0:09:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at being able to control\Nand manipulate fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.58,0:09:05.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I made a conscious decision\Nto step out of my grief.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.40,0:09:07.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was not easy.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.05,0:09:11.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a Nirvana lyric that says\N"I miss the comfort of being sad,"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.31,0:09:12.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that was exactly it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.92,0:09:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in control of my sadness.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.10,0:09:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew what it would bring to me
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.64,0:09:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I knew what to expect,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.22,0:09:19.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I also knew deep down
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.55,0:09:22.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that eventually I had to do\Nthat really hard work
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.28,0:09:24.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of trying to heal from my past.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.36,0:09:27.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I kept practicing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.75,0:09:29.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took a plastic grocery bag,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.21,0:09:30.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cut it into strips,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.73,0:09:32.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tied it to the ends of those poi
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.47,0:09:35.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and used it to replicate\Nthe sound of the fire
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.08,0:09:36.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as it went past my head.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.13,0:09:39.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I kept lighting the poi on fire.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.81,0:09:42.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At some point, something shifted.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.21,0:09:44.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My perspective on fire dancing changed
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.45,0:09:47.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from something that I was\Napprehensive about
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.04,0:09:50.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to something that brought\Nme a sort of peace.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.87,0:09:53.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without realizing it,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.24,0:09:56.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had initiated my own form\Nof exposure therapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.14,0:09:57.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An actual type of psychotherapy
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.74,0:10:02.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you deliberately expose yourself\Nto things that have caused you trauma
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.13,0:10:03.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or scare you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.77,0:10:06.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd exposed myself to fire\Nin this very unique way
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.85,0:10:09.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and had transformed what it meant to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.80,0:10:12.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My nightmares slowed down
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.35,0:10:15.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and now years later have stopped\Nalmost completely.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.16,0:10:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started fire dancing not just for myself\Nbut at events and performances.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.44,0:10:24.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started a fire troop with friends\Nwhile living in Dubai,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.08,0:10:27.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,created beautiful art with my sister\Nwho became a photographer,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.63,0:10:30.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,taught children how to spin\Nat birthday parties,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.41,0:10:32.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,performed onstage and at festivals
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.58,0:10:35.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even taught my own children\Nthe basics of spinning.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.15,0:10:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's not to say
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.27,0:10:41.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I don't still have\Nan apprehension to fire in general.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.43,0:10:43.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can practice a move a million times,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:43.83,0:10:45.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then when I try it with fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.44,0:10:48.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel that familiar panic\Nand tightening in my chest.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.67,0:10:53.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm still apprehensive about living\Nin a two-story house
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.07,0:10:54.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or having a fireplace.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.77,0:10:57.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every night before I go to sleep,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.95,0:11:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I clear a path between\Nmy kids' bedroom doors,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.96,0:11:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our bedroom door
Dialogue: 0,0:11:01.96,0:11:03.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all the exit doors
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.14,0:11:04.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in case we need to leave quickly.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.03,0:11:07.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's taken me a long time\Nto get onboard
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.08,0:11:09.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the idea of closing\Nbedroom doors at night
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.90,0:11:11.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to slow down a fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.51,0:11:15.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I'd always thought if I closed\Nmy kids' bedroom doors,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.24,0:11:18.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I might not be able to hear them\Nlike my mom heard me.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.10,0:11:21.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course this is my story;
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.63,0:11:23.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't say that I have the answer
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.69,0:11:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for someone with a different\Nkind of trauma.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.12,0:11:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If the situation had been reversed
Dialogue: 0,0:11:28.08,0:11:30.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'd lost a child in a fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.01,0:11:32.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not sure that fire dancing\Nwould be the answer
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.82,0:11:35.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or if I'd even have the capacity\Nto get near fire again.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.22,0:11:38.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what I can say from my own experience
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.87,0:11:42.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that after experiencing\Na trauma or hardship,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.34,0:11:44.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have a choice between two paths:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.68,0:11:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one path will lead you to a life\Nof fear and cowering in the darkness
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.19,0:11:51.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like that black-and-white painting\NI described earlier.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.00,0:11:53.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might move on with life,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.41,0:11:57.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but at the same time you're still clinging\Nto that sadness that brings you comfort.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.93,0:11:58.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other path --
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.99,0:12:00.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,stepping out of grief --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.86,0:12:03.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will not change or undo anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.01,0:12:05.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It will be hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.62,0:12:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It will always be hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.36,0:12:12.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with high mountains\Nand deep, dark valleys,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.54,0:12:16.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but this path looks forward\Nand moves forward.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.86,0:12:18.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I learned to dance with fire,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.83,0:12:22.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned to reconcile\Nthe traumatic part of my life
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.24,0:12:25.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the totality of my life\Nas it was still unfolding.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.82,0:12:29.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fire became more than just trauma
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.15,0:12:31.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but beauty and art as well:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.19,0:12:32.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,everything, all at once,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.67,0:12:34.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just like life,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.18,0:12:36.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,flickering and smoldering
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.36,0:12:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and burning and dazzling.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.30,0:12:43.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And somehow in the middle of it,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.34,0:12:44.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,finding a way to dance ...
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.98,0:12:46.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.45,0:12:47.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.