[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.40,0:00:04.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So our story started several years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.14,0:00:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when my wife and I\Ngot a complaint letter in the mail
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.66,0:00:08.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from an anonymous neighbor.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.48,0:00:11.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.16,0:00:15.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll never forget the way\Nmy wife transformed before my eyes
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.86,0:00:19.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from this graceful, peaceful, sweet woman
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.63,0:00:24.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into just an angry mother grizzly bear\Nwhose cubs needed to be protected.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.59,0:00:26.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was intense.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.68,0:00:28.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So here's what happened.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.37,0:00:29.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is our family.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.68,0:00:32.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is my wife and I\Nand our five awesome kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.59,0:00:35.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're pretty loud,\Nwe're pretty rambunctious,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.88,0:00:37.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're us.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.66,0:00:39.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You'll notice, though,\Nthat two of our children
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.90,0:00:41.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,look a little different than Mary and I,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.90,0:00:44.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that's because they came to us\Nthrough adoption.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.37,0:00:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our neighbor, though,\Nsaw two different-looking children
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.03,0:00:49.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,playing outside of our house every day
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.66,0:00:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and came to the conclusion
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.94,0:00:54.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we must have been running\Nan illegal day care out of our home.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.20,0:00:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Murmuring)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.72,0:01:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were really angry to have\Nour children stereotyped like that,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.39,0:01:05.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I know that's a relatively\Nminor example of racial profiling.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.93,0:01:09.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But isn't it sometimes\Nwhat we all tend to do
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.70,0:01:12.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with people who think differently,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.03,0:01:15.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or believe differently\Nor maybe even vote differently?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.48,0:01:19.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of engaging as true neighbors,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.04,0:01:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we keep our distance
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.82,0:01:22.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our actions towards those
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.41,0:01:26.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are guided by who we think\Nsees the world as we do
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.10,0:01:27.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or who we think doesn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.87,0:01:32.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See, what my neighbor suffered from\Nis a condition called agonism.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.58,0:01:36.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And sometimes we all suffer\Nfrom the same condition.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.87,0:01:40.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not a medical condition,\Nbut it is contagious.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.52,0:01:43.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So let's talk a little bit\Nabout what agonism is.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.32,0:01:46.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My favorite definition of agonism
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.43,0:01:52.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is taking a warlike stance\Nin contexts that are not literally war.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.12,0:01:56.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Agonism comes from the same\NGreek root word "agon"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.04,0:01:57.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from which we get "agony."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.52,0:01:59.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How very appropriate.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.65,0:02:03.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all tend to show symptoms of agonism
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.77,0:02:06.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we hold on\Nto two deeply held beliefs,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.34,0:02:09.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,first identified by author Rick Warren.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.05,0:02:13.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first one is that if love someone,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.86,0:02:16.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we must agree with all they do or believe.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.22,0:02:19.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the second is the inverse,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.72,0:02:21.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if we disagree with someone,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.34,0:02:24.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it must mean that we fear or we hate them.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.81,0:02:29.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not sure we really recognize the agony\Nthis way of thinking brings to us,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.71,0:02:32.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when our relationships die
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.11,0:02:35.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we think\Nwe have to agree or disagree
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.13,0:02:36.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,no matter what.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.81,0:02:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think about the conversations\Nwe've had around Brexit,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.43,0:02:43.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or Hong Kong,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.15,0:02:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe Israeli settlements\Nor perhaps impeachment.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.65,0:02:50.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I bet we could all think\Nof at least one personal relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.79,0:02:55.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's been strained or maybe even ended\Nbecause of these topics,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.54,0:02:56.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or tragically,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.91,0:03:00.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over a topic much more trivial than those.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.28,0:03:03.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The cure for agonism is not out of reach.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.92,0:03:05.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The question is how.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.70,0:03:08.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So might I suggest two strategies
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.69,0:03:11.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my experience\Nhas taught me to start with.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.14,0:03:16.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,First, cultivate common ground,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.43,0:03:18.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which means focusing on what we share.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.86,0:03:23.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want you to know I'm using my words\Nvery, very deliberately.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.17,0:03:26.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By "cultivate," I mean\Nwe have to intentionally work
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.40,0:03:28.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to find common ground with someone.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.22,0:03:32.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just like a farmer works\Nto cultivate the soil.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.69,0:03:35.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And common ground is a common term,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.28,0:03:37.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so let me at least explain\Nwhat I don't mean,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.40,0:03:40.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is I don't mean by common ground\Nthat we were exact,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.87,0:03:43.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or that we totally agree and approve.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.06,0:03:46.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All I mean is that we find\None unifying thing
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.40,0:03:51.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we can have in a relationship\Nin common with another person.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.46,0:03:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, sometimes\Nthat one thing is hard to find.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.12,0:03:56.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'd like to share a personal story,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.98,0:03:58.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but before I do,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.16,0:04:00.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let me tell you a little bit\Nmore about myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.42,0:04:01.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm Caucasian,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.64,0:04:04.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cisgender male,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.62,0:04:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,middle class, evangelical Christian.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.28,0:04:11.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know, as soon as some\Nof those words came out of my mouth,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.30,0:04:13.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some of you had some perceptions about me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.42,0:04:14.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's OK,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.64,0:04:17.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know that not all\Nthose perceptions are positive.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.41,0:04:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But for those who share my faith,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.82,0:04:23.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know that I'm about\Nto cut across the grain.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.74,0:04:25.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you may tune me out as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.32,0:04:27.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So as we go,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.49,0:04:29.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're having a hard time hearing me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.56,0:04:32.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just gently ask that you reflect
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.18,0:04:34.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and see if you're buying into agonism.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.85,0:04:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're rejecting me
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.07,0:04:39.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,simply because you think\Nyou see the world differently than I do,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.89,0:04:42.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because isn't that\Nwhat we're here talking about?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.74,0:04:43.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Alright, ready?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.40,0:04:48.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I've been thinking a lot\Nabout how to find common ground
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.11,0:04:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the area of gender fluidity,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.70,0:04:52.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as an evangelical Christian.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.43,0:04:55.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For Christians like me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.40,0:04:59.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we believe that God\Ncreated us man and woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.55,0:05:00.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what do I do?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.73,0:05:02.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do I throw up my hands and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.27,0:05:05.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I can't have a relationship\Nwith anybody who is transgender
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.12,0:05:08.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or LGBTQIA?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.03,0:05:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.20,0:05:11.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That would be giving into agonism.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.16,0:05:15.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I started looking\Nat the foundational aspects of my faith,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.25,0:05:16.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the first of which
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.99,0:05:21.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that of the three billion genes\Nthat make us human --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.04,0:05:25.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and by the way, we share\N99.9 percent of those genes --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.99,0:05:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I believe those three billion genes\Nare the result of an intelligent designer.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.95,0:05:33.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that immediately gives me\Ncommon ground with anybody.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.70,0:05:35.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What it also gives me ...
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.45,0:05:40.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the belief that each\Nand every one of us
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.35,0:05:43.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have been given the right to life
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.42,0:05:46.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by that same intelligent designer.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.51,0:05:51.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I dug deeper though.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.75,0:05:54.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I found that my faith didn't teach me
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.76,0:05:57.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to start relationships\Nby arguing with somebody
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.08,0:05:59.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until they believed what I believed,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.65,0:06:00.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or I convinced them.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.90,0:06:03.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it taught me to start relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.10,0:06:07.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by loving them as a coequal member\Nof the human race.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.36,0:06:10.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Honestly though,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.53,0:06:12.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some who share my faith draw a line
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.97,0:06:16.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and refuse to address somebody\Nby their preferred gender pronoun.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.11,0:06:20.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But isn't that believing the lie\Nthat in order for me to honor you,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.58,0:06:22.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have to give up what I believe?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.62,0:06:26.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Come back in time with me --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.98,0:06:28.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's say it's 20 years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.35,0:06:31.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Muhammad Ali comes to your doorstep.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.05,0:06:32.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you open the door.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.08,0:06:35.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Would you address him as Muhammad Ali
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.66,0:06:37.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or his former name of Cassius Clay?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.01,0:06:42.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm guessing that most of you\Nwould say Muhammad Ali.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.37,0:06:44.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm also guessing that most of you
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.82,0:06:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wouldn't think we'd have to\Nimmediately convert to Islam,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.54,0:06:50.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just by using his name.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.57,0:06:55.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To honor him would cost me,\Nwould cost any of us
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.12,0:06:56.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,absolutely nothing,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.65,0:07:00.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it would give us the common ground\Nto have a relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.86,0:07:04.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's the relationship\Nthat cures agonism,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.84,0:07:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not giving up what we believe.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.04,0:07:11.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So for me to honor my faith,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.75,0:07:14.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it means rejecting\Nthese rigid symptoms of agonism.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.02,0:07:17.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meaning, I can and I will love you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.92,0:07:19.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can and I will accept you,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.93,0:07:23.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't have to buy into the lie
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.27,0:07:26.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if I do these things,\NI have to give up what I believe
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.05,0:07:28.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or chose to fear and hate you.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.62,0:07:31.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I'm focusing\Non what we have in common.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.04,0:07:39.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you can find even the smallest bit\Nof common ground with somebody,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.52,0:07:44.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it allows you to understand\Njust the beautiful wonder
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.79,0:07:46.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and complexity
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.42,0:07:49.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and majesty of the other person.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.58,0:07:55.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our second strategy
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.60,0:07:57.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gives us room to (Inhales)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.88,0:07:59.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,breathe.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.67,0:08:00.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To pause.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.30,0:08:02.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To calm down.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.47,0:08:07.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To have the kind of relationships\Nthat cure agonism.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.19,0:08:10.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And how to keep those relationships alive.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.82,0:08:18.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our second strategy is to exchange\Nextravagant grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.26,0:08:19.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.10,0:08:21.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once again, I'm not mincing words --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.84,0:08:24.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by grace, I don't mean\Nwe should all go sign up for ballet,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:24.66,0:08:25.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that would be weird.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.92,0:08:27.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.23,0:08:31.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I mean is not canceling\Neverything over one mistake.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:32.00,0:08:34.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if that mistake\Npersonally offended you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.01,0:08:36.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe even deeply.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.70,0:08:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps Holocaust survivor\NCorrie ten Boom put it best
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.93,0:08:44.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when she said,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.51,0:08:48.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"To forgive is to set a prisoner free,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.62,0:08:50.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,only to realize that prisoner was me."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.01,0:08:57.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My faith teaches me that we humans\Nwill never be perfect,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.58,0:08:59.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,myself very much included.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.84,0:09:02.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we need the grace of a savior,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.46,0:09:04.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who for me is Jesus.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.28,0:09:07.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while I define grace\Nin the context of my faith,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.84,0:09:12.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know there's a lot of other people\Nwho have defined it differently
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.04,0:09:13.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in different ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.32,0:09:16.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of my favorites is radio broadcaster\NOswald Hoffmann, who said,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.95,0:09:20.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Grace is the love that loves the unlovely
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.52,0:09:22.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the unlovable."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.06,0:09:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I just love that picture of grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.36,0:09:27.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I know I am,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.58,0:09:29.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and maybe a lot of you can think of a time
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.63,0:09:32.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we're just pretty dadgum unlovable.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:37.02,0:09:40.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it would be the height of hypocrisy,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:40.47,0:09:43.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dare I say repulsive to my faith,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.78,0:09:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for me to accept
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.57,0:09:49.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the unconditional, unqualified\Ngrace and love from God
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.98,0:09:51.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then turn around
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.88,0:09:55.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and put one precondition\Non the love I give you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.01,0:09:59.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What in the world would I be thinking?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.89,0:10:08.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And by extravagant, I mean over the top,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.12,0:10:09.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just checking a box.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.60,0:10:12.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We can all remember when we were kids
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.43,0:10:14.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and our parents forced us\Nto apologize to somebody
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.82,0:10:17.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we walked up to them\Nand said, (Angrily) "I'm sorry."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.57,0:10:19.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just got it over with, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.26,0:10:20.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not what we're talking about.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.02,0:10:23.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What we're talking about\Nis not having to give someone grace
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.90,0:10:26.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but choosing to and wanting to.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.27,0:10:29.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's how we exchange extravagant grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.58,0:10:34.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Listen, I know this can sound\Nreally, really theoretical.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.74,0:10:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I'd like to tell you\Nabout a hero of mine.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.85,0:10:39.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A hero of grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.35,0:10:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's 2014.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.92,0:10:44.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Iran.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.70,0:10:48.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the mother of a murdered son\Nis in a public square.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.28,0:10:54.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The man who murdered her son\Nis also in that square,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.87,0:10:56.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by a gallows,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.31,0:10:59.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on a chair of some kind,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.63,0:11:01.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a noose around his neck
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.01,0:11:04.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a blindfold over his eyes.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.74,0:11:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Samereh Alinejad
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.23,0:11:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had been given the sole right\Nunder the laws of her country
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.27,0:11:14.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to either pardon this man
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.16,0:11:16.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or initiate his execution.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.19,0:11:19.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Put another way, she could pardon him
Dialogue: 0,0:11:19.67,0:11:23.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or literally push that chair\Nout from underneath his feet.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.52,0:11:26.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Exhales)
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.93,0:11:29.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just ...
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.63,0:11:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't picture the agony\Ngoing through both Samereh and this man
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.59,0:11:34.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:34.77,0:11:36.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Samereh with her choice to make,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.44,0:11:40.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this man, in the account\Nthat I read, was just weeping,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.09,0:11:42.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just begging for forgiveness.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.70,0:11:45.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Samereh had a choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.76,0:11:48.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she chose in that moment\Nto walk up to this man
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.64,0:11:51.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to slap him right across the face.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.82,0:11:54.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that signaled her pardon.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.71,0:11:57.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It gets better.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.55,0:12:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right afterwards, somebody asked her,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.76,0:12:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they interviewed her,\Nand she was quoted as saying,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.29,0:12:08.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I felt as if rage vanished\Nfrom within my heart
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.09,0:12:11.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the blood in my veins\Nbegan to flow again."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.17,0:12:13.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Isn't that incredible?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.02,0:12:17.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, what a picture of grace,\Nwhat a hero of grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.94,0:12:20.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there's a lesson in there\Nfor all of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.22,0:12:21.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That as theologian John Piper said,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.97,0:12:26.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Grace is power, not just pardon."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.97,0:12:30.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you think about it,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.25,0:12:33.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,grace is the gift we give\Nsomeone else in a relationship
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.60,0:12:38.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that says our relationship\Nis way more important
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.12,0:12:39.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than the things that separate us.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.67,0:12:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you really think\Nabout it some more,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.20,0:12:49.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we all have the power to execute\Nin our relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.47,0:12:50.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or to pardon.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.11,0:12:58.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We never did find out\Nthe identity of our anonymous neighbor.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.09,0:13:00.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.69,0:13:03.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if we did, I'd hope we'd simply say,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.65,0:13:05.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Can we have coffee?"
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.22,0:13:08.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And maybe there's somebody\Nyou need to have coffee with
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.83,0:13:11.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and find your common ground with them.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.91,0:13:14.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or maybe there's somebody\Nyou're in a relationship with
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.85,0:13:17.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you need to exchange\Nextravagant grace.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.57,0:13:19.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe go first.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.32,0:13:23.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These two strategies have taught me
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.34,0:13:26.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how to exchange extravagant grace\Nin my relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.60,0:13:30.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to enjoy the beautiful design\Nof my neighbors.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.17,0:13:36.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to continue to choose\Nrelationships over agonism.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.48,0:13:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Will you choose to join me?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.17,0:13:41.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.36,0:13:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)