0:00:01.600,0:00:05.976
Azim Khamisa: We humans[br]have many defining moments in our lives.

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Sometimes these moments are joyous,

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and sometimes they are heartbreaking,

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tragic.

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But at these defining moments,[br]if we are able to make the right choice,

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we literally manifest a miracle

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in us and others.

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My only son Tariq, a university student,

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kind, generous, a good writer,[br]a good photographer,

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had aspirations[br]to work for National Geographic,

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engaged to a beautiful lady,

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worked as a pizza deliveryman[br]on Fridays and Saturdays.

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He was lured to a bogus address

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by a youth gang.

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And in a gang initiation,

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a 14-year-old shot and killed him.

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The sudden, senseless death

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of an innocent, unarmed human being;

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the overwhelming grief of a family;

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the total confusion as you try[br]to absorb a new, hideous reality.

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Needless to say it brought[br]my life to a crashing halt.

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One of the hardest things[br]I've ever had to do

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was to call his mother,[br]who lived in a different city.

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How do you tell a mother[br]she's never going to see her son again,

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or hear him laugh,

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or give him a hug?

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I practice as a Sufi Muslim.

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I meditate two hours a day.

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And sometimes,

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in deep trauma and deep tragedy,

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there is a spark of clarity.

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So what I downloaded in my meditation

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is that there were victims[br]at both ends of the gun.

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It's easy to see that my son[br]was a victim of the 14-year-old,

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a little bit complicated to see[br]that he was a victim of American society.

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And that begs the question,[br]well, who is American society?

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Well, it's you and me,

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because I don't believe[br]that society is just happenstance.

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I think we are all responsible[br]for the society we've created.

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And children killing children[br]is not a mark of a civil society.

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So nine months after Tariq died,

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I started the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

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and our mandate[br]at the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

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is to stop kids from killing kids

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by breaking the cycle of youth violence.

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And essentially we have three mandates.

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Our first and foremost[br]is to save lives of children.

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It's important to do.[br]We lose so many on a daily basis.

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Our second mandate

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is to empower the right choices[br]so kids don't fall through the cracks

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and choose lives of gangs and crime[br]and drugs and alcohol and weapons.

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And our third mandate is to teach[br]the principles of nonviolence,

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of empathy, of compassion,

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of forgiveness.

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And I started with a very simple premise

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that violence is a learned behavior.

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No child was born violent.

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If you accept that as a truism,

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nonviolence can also be[br]a learned behavior,

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but you have to teach it,

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because kids are not going to learn that

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through osmosis.

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Soon after that,[br]I reached out to my brother here,

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with the attitude[br]that we had both lost a son.

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My son died.

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He lost his grandson[br]to the adult prison system.

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And I asked him to join me.

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As you see, 22 years later,[br]we are still here together,

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because I can't bring Tariq[br]back from the dead,

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you can't take Tony out of prison,

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but the one thing we can do

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is make sure no other young people[br]in our community

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end up dead or end up in prison.

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With the grace of God,

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the Tariq Khamisa Foundation[br]has been successful.

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We have a safe school model

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which has four different programs.

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The first one is a live assembly[br]with Ples and me.

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We are introduced,

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this man's grandson killed this man's son,

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and here they are together.

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We have in-classroom curriculum.

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We have an after school mentoring program,[br]and we create a peace club.

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And I'm happy to share with you

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that besides teaching[br]these principles of nonviolence,

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we are able to cut suspensions[br]and expulsions by 70 percent,

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which is huge.

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(Applause)

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Which is huge.

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Five years after Tariq died,

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and for me to complete[br]my journey of forgiveness,

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I went to see the young man[br]who killed my son.

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He was 19 years old.

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And I remember that meeting[br]because we were --

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he's 37, still in prison --

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but at that first meeting,[br]we locked eyeballs.

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I'm looking in his eyes,[br]he's looking in my eyes,

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and I'm looking in his eyes[br]trying to find a murderer, and I didn't.

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I was able to climb through his eyes

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and touch his humanity that I got

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that the spark in him[br]was no different than the spark in me

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or anybody else here.

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So I wasn't expecting that.[br]He was remorseful.

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He was articulate. He was well-mannered.

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And I could tell that my hand[br]of forgiveness had changed him.

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So with that, please welcome[br]my brother, Ples.

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(Applause)

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Ples Felix: Tony is my one[br]and only daughter's one and only child.

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Tony was born to my daughter,

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who was 15 when she gave birth to Tony.

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Mothering is the toughest[br]job on the planet.

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There is no tougher job on the planet[br]than raising another human being

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and making sure they're safe, secure

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and well-positioned[br]to be successful in life.

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Tony experienced a lot of violence[br]in his life as a young kid.

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He saw one of his favorite cousins

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be murdered in a hail[br]of automatic weapon fire

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and gang involvement in Los Angeles.

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He was very traumatized[br]in so many different ways.

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Tony came to live with me.

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I wanted to make sure[br]he had everything a kid needed

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to be successful.

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But on this particular evening,

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after years of being with me

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and struggling mightily[br]to try to be successful

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and to live up to my expectations[br]of being a successful person,

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on this one particular day,[br]Tony ran away from home that evening,

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he went to be with people[br]he thought were his friends,

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he was given drugs and alcohol

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and he took them

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because he thought[br]they would make him feel carefree.

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But all it did was[br]to make his anxiety go higher

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and to create a more ...

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more deadly thinking on his part.

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He was invited to a robbery,

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he was given a 9mm handgun.

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And at the presence[br]of an 18-year-old who commanded him

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and two 14-year-old boys[br]he thought were his friends,

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he shot and killed Tariq Khamisa,

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this man's son.

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There are no words, there are no words

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that can express the loss of a child.

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At my understanding[br]that my grandson was responsible

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for the murder of this human being,

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I went to the prayer closet,[br]like I was taught by my old folks,

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and began to pray and meditate.

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The one thing that Mr. Khamisa[br]and I have in common,

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and we didn't know this,[br]besides being wonderful human beings,

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is that we both meditate.

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(Laughter)

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It was very helpful for me

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because it offered me an opportunity[br]to seek guidance and clarity

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about how I wanted to be of support[br]of this man and his family in this loss.

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And sure enough, my prayers were answered,

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because I was invited[br]to a meeting at this man's house,

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met his mother, his father,

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his wife, his brother, met their family

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and had a chance to be in the presence[br]of God-spirited people led by this man,

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who in the spirit of forgiveness,

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made way, made an opportunity for me

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to be of value and to share with him[br]and to share with children

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the importance of understanding the need[br]to be with a responsible adult,

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focus on your anger[br]in a way that's healthy,

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learn to meditate.

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The programs that we have[br]in the Tariq Khamisa Foundation

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provide so many tools[br]for the kids to put in their toolkit

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so they could carry them[br]throughout their lives.

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It's important that our children[br]understand that loving, caring adults

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care for them and support them,

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but it's also important[br]that our children learn to meditate,

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learn to be peaceful,

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learn to be centered

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and learn to interact[br]with the other children

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in a kind, empathetic

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and wonderfully loving way.

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We need more love in our society

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and that's why we are here[br]to share the love with children,

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because our children[br]will lead the way for us,

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because all of us[br]will depend on our children.

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As we grow older and retire,[br]they will take over this world for us,

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so as much love as we teach them,[br]they will give it back to us.

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Blessings. Thank you.

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(Applause)

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AK: So I was born in Kenya,[br]I was educated in England,

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and my brother here is a Baptist.

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I practice as a Sufi Muslim.

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He's African American,

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but I always tell him,[br]I'm the African American in the group.

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I was born in Africa. You were not.

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(Laughter)

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And I naturalized as a citizen.

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I'm a first-generation citizen.

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And I felt that, as an American citizen,

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I must take my share of the responsibility

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for the murder of my son.

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Why? Because it was fired[br]by an American child.

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You could take the position,[br]he killed my one and only son,

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he should be hung from the highest pole.

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How does that improve society?

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And I know you are probably wondering[br]what happened to that young man.

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He's still in prison.[br]He just turned 37 on September 22,

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but I have some good news.

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We've been trying[br]to get him out for 12 years.

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He finally will join us a year from now.

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(Applause)

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And I'm very excited to have him join us,

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because I know we've saved him,

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but he will save[br]tens of thousands of students

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when he shares his testimony

0:10:29.120,0:10:32.496
in schools that we are present at[br]on a regular basis.

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When he says to the kids,[br]"When I was 11, I joined a gang.

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When I was 14,[br]I murdered Mr. Khamisa's son.

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I've spent the last[br]umpteen years in prison.

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I'm here to tell you: it's not worth it,"

0:10:44.480,0:10:47.096
do you think the kids[br]will listen to that voice?

0:10:47.120,0:10:49.656
Yes, because his intonations

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will be of a person[br]that pulled the trigger.

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And I know that he wants[br]to turn the clock back.

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Of course, that's not possible.

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I wish it was. I would have my son back.

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My brother would have his grandson back.

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So I think that demonstrates[br]the power of forgiveness.

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So what's the big takeaway here?

0:11:15.400,0:11:18.136
So I want to end[br]our session with this quote,

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which is the basis of my fourth book,

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which incidentally,

0:11:22.760,0:11:25.200
the foreword for that book[br]was written by Tony.

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So it goes like this:[br]sustained goodwill creates friendship.

0:11:30.760,0:11:32.976
You don't make friends[br]by bombing them, right?

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You make friends by extending goodwill.

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That ought to be obvious.

0:11:36.360,0:11:38.816
So sustained goodwill creates friendship,

0:11:38.840,0:11:41.256
sustained friendship creates trust,

0:11:41.280,0:11:43.696
sustained trust creates empathy,

0:11:43.720,0:11:46.096
sustained empathy creates compassion,

0:11:46.120,0:11:48.640
and sustained compassion creates peace.

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I call this my peace formula.

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It starts with goodwill, friendship,[br]trust, empathy, compassion and peace.

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But people ask me,[br]how do you extend goodwill

0:11:59.760,0:12:02.360
to the person who murdered your child?

0:12:02.800,0:12:05.336
I tell them, you do that[br]through forgiveness.

0:12:05.360,0:12:07.496
As it's evident it worked for me.

0:12:07.520,0:12:09.416
It worked for my family.

0:12:09.440,0:12:12.096
What's a miracle is it worked for Tony,

0:12:12.120,0:12:14.256
it worked for his family,

0:12:14.280,0:12:17.496
it can work for you and your family,

0:12:17.520,0:12:20.496
for Israel and Palestine,[br]North and South Korea,

0:12:20.520,0:12:23.376
for Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran and Syria.

0:12:23.400,0:12:26.000
It can work for[br]the United States of America.

0:12:26.680,0:12:29.936
So let me leave you with this, my sisters,

0:12:29.960,0:12:31.296
and a couple of brothers --

0:12:31.320,0:12:33.296
(Laughter)

0:12:33.320,0:12:35.080
that peace is possible.

0:12:36.040,0:12:37.736
How do I know that?

0:12:37.760,0:12:39.616
Because I am at peace.

0:12:39.640,0:12:41.616
Thank you very much. Namaste.

0:12:41.640,0:12:44.720
(Applause)