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Hello there.

If you're watching this video

chances are you've heard of projection.

You've been in that scenario

where you're looking at someone 
who is upset at you thinking:

"Isn't that just the pot 
calling the kettle black?"

Or you've been in that situation

were someone looks at you 
and says: "You're just projecting".

But the thing is,

most of us don't know the 
mechanism behind projecting.

We don't know why we do it,

or how to stop.

Which is, of course, why we're 
having this discussion today.

We are born whole,

but that wholeness is short lived.

It's short lived because we
are born relationally dependent.

To be born relationally dependent

in a family that is not fully evolved yet,

because society is not fully evolved yet,

spells immense trouble.

It means that we're about to learn

that certain aspects 
of ourselves are acceptable,

and certain aspects 
of ourselves are unacceptable.

And this is where the trouble starts.

What is acceptable verses unacceptable

depends upon the family 
you're born into.

The aspects of us that 
are seen as unacceptable

(both positive and negative)

are rejected by our family,

and the aspects 
that are seen as acceptable

are accepted by our family.

So being relationally dependent

in the name of survival,

we do anything we can

to disown and deny and suppress

those aspects of ourselves

that are disapproved of,

and exaggerate those 
that are approved of.

We dissociate from what we disapprove of.

This creates a split within the person

that we call the conscious 
and the subconscious.

This self preservation instinct

is in fact,

our first act of self rejection.

For example,

a child is born into a family

where anger is not 
an okay emotion to express.

When the child gets angry,

they're ashamed for that anger,

so the child suppresses 
and denies their anger

for the sake of survival 
within the household.

But the anger does not go away.

They just consciously deny it.

It becomes sub-conscious.

As an adult,

this person will most likely 
not have any awareness

that they have any anger in them at all.

They will not and cannot 
see themselves clearly

because they have denied 
that aspect of themselves.

So when people tell them 
that they are angry,

they will not relate to that at all.

They may only relate to themselves

as easy going.

When we deny, suppress 
or disown something

it's not like it just disappears.

we just lose 
our conscious awareness of it.

We dissociate from 
the awareness of that thing.

Now in order for us

to recognise that thing which
we are denying and suppressing,

we have to feel the pain

of the absence of that particular thing.

No wonder self awareness is so difficult.

Every human in existence

that was ever socialized,

which is everyone,

went through this process 
of splitting themselves into parts.

Parts that are owned 
and parts that were disowned.

This self rejection 
is the birth of self hate.

The emptiness that we feel

is the result of those missing,

rejected or disowned parts of our self.

And the soul is motivated for one thing;

that's to make us whole again.

We will be provided 
every single opportunity

to become whole again.

But in order to become whole again,

we need to see and accept

the aspects of ourselves 
that we've disowned.

This is painful.

Self awareness doesn't come naturally

to people who like to avoid pain.

Because

in order for us to really

get to a space of wholeness,

what we have to do

is to stop avoiding the pain,

we have to stop avoiding 
that feeling of void

that is inherently within us

because of the missing 
aspects of ourselves,

and instead, we need to go 
straight in the direction of it.

So where does projection 
come into all of this?

We tend to overcompensate

for whatever trait we have suppressed

or denied or rejected.

For example,

somebody who is super apathetic

is going to suppress the aspect 
of themselves that strives,

and someone who strives

is most likely going to suppress

the aspects of themselves 
that are apathetic.

Now because the soul is motivated

in the direction of completion,

in the direction of wholeness,

it wants to find a partner

that makes it feel more whole,

so the external world 
becomes the substitute

for what we're missing 
in our internal world.

For this very reason,

in our partnership and friendships

we tend to attract both extremes.

We attract people into our lives

who mirror both extremities within us,

so that we can have the opportunity

to be aware of our own dichotomy.

The law of attraction 
responds to both extremes.

The over compensation,

and the aspect of ourselves

that we have suppressed 
to the extreme.

We are matched to them

even though they seem 
to be the opposite of us,

because that denied self

is still a part of us

and is still, therefore,
subject to the law of attraction.

But our partners, 
romantic partners specifically,

or those that are the very closest to us

tend to be our opposing mirror.

They reflect the attribute we suppressed

and we reflect the aspect 
that they suppressed.

The person who is apathetic, 
therefore, will mostly likely end up

in a relationship with a success freak,

and both of them will be
caused pain by the other

because each is a reminder
of the rejected aspects of themselves.

They reflect to each other the lost self.

Guess what?

We recognize and see in other people

the things we have rejected 
and denied within ourselves,

This is really the essence of projection.

When we notice 
an attribute in someone else

that we have made not okay
within ourselves long ago,

we have the same reaction to that,

that we did to that aspect within us

the first time.

Reject it, avoid it,

suppress it,

get rid of it.

On the flip side,

when we see positive 
aspects in other people

that we have suppressed within ourselves,

we fall in love.

It feels like our opportunity 
to become more whole

we want more of it,

we become addicted to it,

we glorify it and put it on a pedestal

and even idolize it.

This is in fact what's happening

when you see crowds of screaming girls 
at Justin Bieber concerts.

They're all projecting the post of aspect

that they've disowned 
in themselves, onto him.

Mostly a sense of 
significance and sexuality.

Which they of course, disowned

in order to be good, obedient, 
humble little girls

who obey their parents.

The main characteristic of 
the suppressed or denied self,

is its complete invisibility to you,

and its complete visibility 
to other people.

This is why it must 
surprise the hell out of you

that some people see the traits in you 
that you don't see at all.

But guess what?

This is how it's supposed to work

if you've been suppressing 
an aspect to yourself,

you are not supposed to 
have any awareness of it,

that was the point in the first place.

Disassociating from it, 
was your survival technique.

So if somebody makes you feel

like projection is another 
personality flaw,

you can think again,

because for all of us 
that have been socialized,

this is going to be the outcome.

Any extreme aversion

to a trait in another person

is a reflection of the level of rejection

that you developed towards that trait

or the potential of that trait

within yourself.

The more we love something 
in someone else,

the more we disowned it 
in ourself long ago.

Now, there's a misunderstanding 
when it comes to projection;

There's an idea that 
when projection is happening,

when someone is projecting 
something onto somebody else,

they're projecting a trait that 
that other person does not have.

But projection is always a two way street.

That means one of two things:

Either, both people 
have that very same trait,

and the one is just 
recognizing it in the other,

or the very act of being a match

to being projected upon,

is indicative of something
that is being reflected

in the other person.

In other words, to have 
someone project upon us,

we have to be a vibrational match 
to that experience.

Meaning that the experience 
of being projected upon

is also reflecting something 
that is denied within ourselves.

On that note,

it must be said

that projection has become

like the single biggest 
cop out and deflection technique

that has ever been invented,

especially in the new age community.

It drives me nuts 
when I hear people saying:

"You're just projecting".

It's a super-good way to get out of

having to look at yourself 
clearly or objectively.

You're never going to get to
a space of self awareness

if that's what you continue to do.

You cannot consciously see someone clearly

until you are completely 
conscious of yourself.

If you aren't,

you will continue to see everyone

through the filter of 
your own subconscious mind.

Every time we cop out 
of looking at ourselves, by saying:

"You're just projecting",

we miss the opportunity 
to see ourselves clearly

and we miss the opportunity to see 
our world and each other clearly.

Every single one of us projects.

Every single one of us

recognizes what we have 
denied and suppressed

and disowned within ourselves, 
in its external reflection.

At this point in our evolutionary history,

projection is not 
going to stop completely .

And the goal of your life

should not be to stop projecting,

it should be to become 
completely self aware.

And our extreme negative and 
extreme positive reactions to others

are the perfect opportunity 
to develop self awareness.

Also, the more we reject
something in someone else,

the more we perpetuate our own wounding.

Because in rejecting or disapproving 
of that thing in them,

we are re-rejecting

and re-disapproving of it in ourselves.

So here we are,

how to uncover your self-rejection

by using projection to your advantage.

#1.

Look at the negative traits 
or aspects about other people

that you don't like.

Especially, look at the traits 
you don't like about your partner.

What bothers you?

#2.

Discover the positive intention

behind the thing 
that you hate in other people.

In other words,

what is the real positive intention

for the reason that they are 
doing that super negative thing

or possessing that negative trait.

The answer is, of course,

always going to be in line

with trying to keep themselves 
from getting hurt.

#3.

Why was it dangerous, 
or is it dangerous

for those people to be the opposite 
of those negative traits?

For example, if I'm lazy,

why it was a dangerous or not okay

to be driven and motivated?

#4.

Recognize that no matter how much 
you might want to deny it

or not admit to it,

these aspects that you 
despise in other people,

are always a reflection of yourself.

These are attributes 
that you have suppressed.

These traits are a mirror 
of what you've rejected in yourself.

The more you're trying to 
protect yourself from yourself,

the more the aspects you hate in others

will look nothing like you.

You'll tell yourself:

"I'm not that way at all".

#5.

Be willing to be vulnerable enough

that you are able to open 
your mind up to the idea

that these traits are yours

and recognize how it's true 
that they are yours.

Now, there are two possibilities here:

Either you are very much like 
those things you hate in others,

or those things you hate in others

are so buried and so rejected in you,

that you never do that same thing

to a degree that's unhealthy.

#6.

If you're struggling with this process,

involve other people in the process.

A good way to know if 
you have been suppressing

or denying something, or projecting,

is if you have heard the same 
negative thing about yourself

from more than one person.

Another good idea

is to have people that know you well

write down the things 
that they don't like about you.

Those negative aspects that they see,

and then take special notice

of the things that 
more than one person says.

#7.

Just as you did with your partner earlier

or with other people earlier,

ask yourself:

"Why was it dangerous to be the opposite

of these negative traits 
that I obviously posses?"

For example:

"Why is it not okay for me to be lazy?"

#8.

Begin to find approval for
the things that you dislike

in other people and in yourself.

Now this is not the same thing 
as lying to yourself.

You can't say:

"Oh they're narcissistic, I like that"

Because it's not true.

But there might be some things 
that come along with being narcissistic

that would be really nice, 
they are actual positives.

Those are the kind of things
you want to look at

so you can release your resistance,

not only to other people,

but more especially

to the aspect of yourself

that you're denying, suppressing 
and trying to dissociate from.

For example,

a person who is cruel

may have no problem

caring what other people think of them.

Don't we all wish we could be that free?

#9.

Adopt the aspects of others 
that you dislike,

that are in fact just mirrors 
of aspects of yourself

that you dislike,

in a way that benefits you.

This doesn't mean become 
lazy or become cruel.

What it means is:

Take time off

or quit saying yes to everyone.

What is the positive aspect 
of someone who is lazy?

They are not afraid to rest.

So adopting that 
disowned aspect of yourself

could take the form of you taking a rest.

This will bring you closer 
to the state of wholeness.

You can do this entire process
that I've just outlined

with positives as well.

To do that you simply need to figure out

what you admire,

envy or fall in love with in other people,

especially your partner,

kids and idols.

And discover the positive intention

behind suppressing 
those things inside yourself.

Discover why it was dangerous 
to have those positive traits.

For example, if I am lazy

and I envy people who are 
driven and motivated,

why was it dangerous

or not okay to be driven 
and motivated growing up?

Find ways to express 
those particular traits in your life.

So if I'm at a Justin Bieber concert

and I love the significance that he has,

how do I let myself 
have more significance?

Knowing of course,

that the aspect of me that is suppressed,
is still an aspect of me.

There's a potion in there

that is highly significant

and that wants that significance 
to be expressed.

Judgement doesn't have to 
be such a bad thing.

And you can't stop judging

just by deciding to do it.

Has that ever worked for any of you?

I've never seen it work before.

What that means is,

instead of worrying ourselves 
with stopping judging other people,

we need to instead develop an open mind,

that is open enough

to take a look at 
our judgements completely,

to use our judgement of other people,

both positive and negative,

to recognize the aspects that 
we have rejected within ourselves.

This causes our judgements 
to turn into observations.

So, what do you judge?

Projection is one of the best 
tools for self awareness.

It's also one of the best excuses

to avoid self awareness.

We cannot be truly authentic

as long as we continue to 
reject, suppress, deny or disown

aspects of ourselves,

whether they be positive or negative.

So if you're willing 
to be uncomfortable enough

to see yourself clearly,

most especially the aspects 
of yourself that are missing,

I can guarantee you

that you are well along 
the way to authenticity

and you are well along the way 
to a state of wholeness.

Have a good week.