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~

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Hello there.

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If you're watching this video

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chances are you've heard of projection.

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You've been in that scenario

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where you're looking at someone 
who is upset at you thinking:

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"Isn't that just the pot 
calling the kettle black?"

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Or you've been in that situation

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were someone looks at you 
and says: "You're just projecting".

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But the thing is,

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most of us don't know the 
mechanism behind projecting.

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We don't know why we do it,

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or how to stop.

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Which is, of course, why we're 
having this discussion today.

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We are born whole,

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but that wholeness is short lived.

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It's short lived because we
are born relationally dependent.

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To be born relationally dependent

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in a family that is not fully evolved yet,

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because society is not fully evolved yet,

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spells immense trouble.

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It means that we're about to learn

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that certain aspects 
of ourselves are acceptable,

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and certain aspects 
of ourselves are unacceptable.

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And this is where the trouble starts.

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What is acceptable verses unacceptable

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depends upon the family 
you're born into.

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The aspects of us that 
are seen as unacceptable

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(both positive and negative)

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are rejected by our family,

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and the aspects 
that are seen as acceptable

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are accepted by our family.

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So being relationally dependent

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in the name of survival,

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we do anything we can

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to disown and deny and suppress

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those aspects of ourselves

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that are disapproved of,

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and exaggerate those 
that are approved of.

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We dissociate from what we disapprove of.

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This creates a split within the person

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that we call the conscious 
and the subconscious.

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This self preservation instinct

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is in fact,

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our first act of self rejection.

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For example,

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a child is born into a family

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where anger is not 
an okay emotion to express.

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When the child gets angry,

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they're ashamed for that anger,

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so the child suppresses 
and denies their anger

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for the sake of survival 
within the household.

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But the anger does not go away.

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They just consciously deny it.

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It becomes sub-conscious.

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As an adult,

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this person will most likely 
not have any awareness

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that they have any anger in them at all.

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They will not and cannot 
see themselves clearly

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because they have denied 
that aspect of themselves.

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So when people tell them 
that they are angry,

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they will not relate to that at all.

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They may only relate to themselves

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as easy going.

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When we deny, suppress 
or disown something

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it's not like it just disappears.

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we just lose 
our conscious awareness of it.

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We dissociate from 
the awareness of that thing.

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Now in order for us

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to recognise that thing which
we are denying and suppressing,

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we have to feel the pain

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of the absence of that particular thing.

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No wonder self awareness is so difficult.

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Every human in existence

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that was ever socialized,

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which is everyone,

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went through this process 
of splitting themselves into parts.

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Parts that are owned 
and parts that were disowned.

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This self rejection 
is the birth of self hate.

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The emptiness that we feel

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is the result of those missing,

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rejected or disowned parts of our self.

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And the soul is motivated for one thing;

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that's to make us whole again.

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We will be provided 
every single opportunity

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to become whole again.

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But in order to become whole again,

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we need to see and accept

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the aspects of ourselves 
that we've disowned.

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This is painful.

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Self awareness doesn't come naturally

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to people who like to avoid pain.

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Because

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in order for us to really

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get to a space of wholeness,

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what we have to do

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is to stop avoiding the pain,

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we have to stop avoiding 
that feeling of void

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that is inherently within us

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because of the missing 
aspects of ourselves,

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and instead, we need to go 
straight in the direction of it.

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So where does projection 
come into all of this?

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We tend to overcompensate

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for whatever trait we have suppressed

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or denied or rejected.

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For example,

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somebody who is super apathetic

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is going to suppress the aspect 
of themselves that strives,

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and someone who strives

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is most likely going to suppress

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the aspects of themselves 
that are apathetic.

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Now because the soul is motivated

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in the direction of completion,

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in the direction of wholeness,

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it wants to find a partner

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that makes it feel more whole,

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so the external world 
becomes the substitute

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for what we're missing 
in our internal world.

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For this very reason,

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in our partnership and friendships

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we tend to attract both extremes.

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We attract people into our lives

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who mirror both extremities within us,

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so that we can have the opportunity

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to be aware of our own dichotomy.

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The law of attraction 
responds to both extremes.

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The over compensation,

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and the aspect of ourselves

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that we have suppressed 
to the extreme.

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We are matched to them

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even though they seem 
to be the opposite of us,

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because that denied self

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is still a part of us

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and is still, therefore,
subject to the law of attraction.

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But our partners, 
romantic partners specifically,

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or those that are the very closest to us

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tend to be our opposing mirror.

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They reflect the attribute we suppressed

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and we reflect the aspect 
that they suppressed.

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The person who is apathetic, 
therefore, will mostly likely end up

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in a relationship with a success freak,

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and both of them will be
caused pain by the other

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because each is a reminder
of the rejected aspects of themselves.

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They reflect to each other the lost self.

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Guess what?

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We recognize and see in other people

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the things we have rejected 
and denied within ourselves,

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This is really the essence of projection.

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When we notice 
an attribute in someone else

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that we have made not okay
within ourselves long ago,

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we have the same reaction to that,

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that we did to that aspect within us

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the first time.

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Reject it, avoid it,

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suppress it,

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get rid of it.

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On the flip side,

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when we see positive 
aspects in other people

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that we have suppressed within ourselves,

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we fall in love.

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It feels like our opportunity 
to become more whole

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we want more of it,

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we become addicted to it,

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we glorify it and put it on a pedestal

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and even idolize it.

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This is in fact what's happening

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when you see crowds of screaming girls 
at Justin Bieber concerts.

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They're all projecting the post of aspect

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that they've disowned 
in themselves, onto him.

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Mostly a sense of 
significance and sexuality.

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Which they of course, disowned

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in order to be good, obedient, 
humble little girls

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who obey their parents.

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The main characteristic of 
the suppressed or denied self,

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is its complete invisibility to you,

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and its complete visibility 
to other people.

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This is why it must 
surprise the hell out of you

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that some people see the traits in you 
that you don't see at all.

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But guess what?

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This is how it's supposed to work

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if you've been suppressing 
an aspect to yourself,

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you are not supposed to 
have any awareness of it,

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that was the point in the first place.

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Disassociating from it, 
was your survival technique.

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So if somebody makes you feel

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like projection is another 
personality flaw,

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you can think again,

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because for all of us 
that have been socialized,

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this is going to be the outcome.

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Any extreme aversion

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to a trait in another person

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is a reflection of the level of rejection

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that you developed towards that trait

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or the potential of that trait

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within yourself.

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The more we love something 
in someone else,

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the more we disowned it 
in ourself long ago.

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Now, there's a misunderstanding 
when it comes to projection;

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There's an idea that 
when projection is happening,

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when someone is projecting 
something onto somebody else,

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they're projecting a trait that 
that other person does not have.

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But projection is always a two way street.

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That means one of two things:

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Either, both people 
have that very same trait,

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and the one is just 
recognizing it in the other,

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or the very act of being a match

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to being projected upon,

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is indicative of something
that is being reflected

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in the other person.

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In other words, to have 
someone project upon us,

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we have to be a vibrational match 
to that experience.

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Meaning that the experience 
of being projected upon

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is also reflecting something 
that is denied within ourselves.

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On that note,

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it must be said

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that projection has become

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like the single biggest 
cop out and deflection technique

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that has ever been invented,

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especially in the new age community.

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It drives me nuts 
when I hear people saying:

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"You're just projecting".

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It's a super-good way to get out of

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having to look at yourself 
clearly or objectively.

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You're never going to get to
a space of self awareness

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if that's what you continue to do.

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You cannot consciously see someone clearly

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until you are completely 
conscious of yourself.

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If you aren't,

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you will continue to see everyone

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through the filter of 
your own subconscious mind.

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Every time we cop out 
of looking at ourselves, by saying:

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"You're just projecting",

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we miss the opportunity 
to see ourselves clearly

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and we miss the opportunity to see 
our world and each other clearly.

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Every single one of us projects.

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Every single one of us

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recognizes what we have 
denied and suppressed

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and disowned within ourselves, 
in its external reflection.

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At this point in our evolutionary history,

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projection is not 
going to stop completely .

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And the goal of your life

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should not be to stop projecting,

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it should be to become 
completely self aware.

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And our extreme negative and 
extreme positive reactions to others

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are the perfect opportunity 
to develop self awareness.

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Also, the more we reject
something in someone else,

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the more we perpetuate our own wounding.

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Because in rejecting or disapproving 
of that thing in them,

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we are re-rejecting

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and re-disapproving of it in ourselves.

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So here we are,

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how to uncover your self-rejection

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by using projection to your advantage.

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#1.

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Look at the negative traits 
or aspects about other people

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that you don't like.

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Especially, look at the traits 
you don't like about your partner.

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What bothers you?

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#2.

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Discover the positive intention

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behind the thing 
that you hate in other people.

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In other words,

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what is the real positive intention

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for the reason that they are 
doing that super negative thing

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or possessing that negative trait.

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The answer is, of course,

267
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,224
always going to be in line

268
00:11:55,224 --> 00:11:58,066
with trying to keep themselves 
from getting hurt.

269
00:11:58,700 --> 00:11:59,756
#3.

270
00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:03,760
Why was it dangerous, 
or is it dangerous

271
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:07,551
for those people to be the opposite 
of those negative traits?

272
00:12:08,450 --> 00:12:10,395
For example, if I'm lazy,

273
00:12:10,395 --> 00:12:12,723
why it was a dangerous or not okay

274
00:12:12,723 --> 00:12:14,403
to be driven and motivated?

275
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,345
#4.

276
00:12:16,345 --> 00:12:19,390
Recognize that no matter how much 
you might want to deny it

277
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,791
or not admit to it,

278
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,513
these aspects that you 
despise in other people,

279
00:12:25,136 --> 00:12:28,620
are always a reflection of yourself.

280
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,217
These are attributes 
that you have suppressed.

281
00:12:32,910 --> 00:12:36,728
These traits are a mirror 
of what you've rejected in yourself.

282
00:12:37,540 --> 00:12:40,578
The more you're trying to 
protect yourself from yourself,

283
00:12:40,750 --> 00:12:42,790
the more the aspects you hate in others

284
00:12:42,790 --> 00:12:45,197
will look nothing like you.

285
00:12:45,197 --> 00:12:46,333
You'll tell yourself:

286
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:48,086
"I'm not that way at all".

287
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:50,188
#5.

288
00:12:50,188 --> 00:12:52,804
Be willing to be vulnerable enough

289
00:12:52,804 --> 00:12:56,835
that you are able to open 
your mind up to the idea

290
00:12:57,500 --> 00:13:00,410
that these traits are yours

291
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:03,755
and recognize how it's true 
that they are yours.

292
00:13:03,755 --> 00:13:06,569
Now, there are two possibilities here:

293
00:13:06,934 --> 00:13:11,071
Either you are very much like 
those things you hate in others,

294
00:13:11,071 --> 00:13:13,290
or those things you hate in others

295
00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:15,670
are so buried and so rejected in you,

296
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:18,450
that you never do that same thing

297
00:13:18,450 --> 00:13:19,997
to a degree that's unhealthy.

298
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:21,540
#6.

299
00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:23,574
If you're struggling with this process,

300
00:13:23,574 --> 00:13:25,915
involve other people in the process.

301
00:13:25,915 --> 00:13:28,430
A good way to know if 
you have been suppressing

302
00:13:28,430 --> 00:13:30,417
or denying something, or projecting,

303
00:13:30,417 --> 00:13:33,501
is if you have heard the same 
negative thing about yourself

304
00:13:33,501 --> 00:13:35,466
from more than one person.

305
00:13:35,986 --> 00:13:37,388
Another good idea

306
00:13:37,388 --> 00:13:39,289
is to have people that know you well

307
00:13:39,289 --> 00:13:41,831
write down the things 
that they don't like about you.

308
00:13:41,831 --> 00:13:44,058
Those negative aspects that they see,

309
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,788
and then take special notice

310
00:13:46,788 --> 00:13:49,874
of the things that 
more than one person says.

311
00:13:50,573 --> 00:13:51,400
#7.

312
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:54,134
Just as you did with your partner earlier

313
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:56,054
or with other people earlier,

314
00:13:56,194 --> 00:13:57,577
ask yourself:

315
00:13:57,757 --> 00:14:01,010
"Why was it dangerous to be the opposite

316
00:14:01,235 --> 00:14:04,608
of these negative traits 
that I obviously posses?"

317
00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:06,533
For example:

318
00:14:06,533 --> 00:14:09,435
"Why is it not okay for me to be lazy?"

319
00:14:10,106 --> 00:14:10,930
#8.

320
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:13,850
Begin to find approval for
the things that you dislike

321
00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:16,620
in other people and in yourself.

322
00:14:16,620 --> 00:14:19,405
Now this is not the same thing 
as lying to yourself.

323
00:14:19,405 --> 00:14:20,298
You can't say:

324
00:14:20,298 --> 00:14:22,594
"Oh they're narcissistic, I like that"

325
00:14:22,594 --> 00:14:23,904
Because it's not true.

326
00:14:24,184 --> 00:14:27,797
But there might be some things 
that come along with being narcissistic

327
00:14:27,797 --> 00:14:31,268
that would be really nice, 
they are actual positives.

328
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,713
Those are the kind of things
you want to look at

329
00:14:33,713 --> 00:14:35,789
so you can release your resistance,

330
00:14:35,789 --> 00:14:37,420
not only to other people,

331
00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:39,085
but more especially

332
00:14:39,085 --> 00:14:40,893
to the aspect of yourself

333
00:14:40,893 --> 00:14:44,842
that you're denying, suppressing 
and trying to dissociate from.

334
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,333
For example,

335
00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:47,757
a person who is cruel

336
00:14:47,757 --> 00:14:49,270
may have no problem

337
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:51,203
caring what other people think of them.

338
00:14:51,203 --> 00:14:53,572
Don't we all wish we could be that free?

339
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:55,050
#9.

340
00:14:55,050 --> 00:14:57,950
Adopt the aspects of others 
that you dislike,

341
00:14:57,950 --> 00:15:00,823
that are in fact just mirrors 
of aspects of yourself

342
00:15:00,823 --> 00:15:01,838
that you dislike,

343
00:15:01,838 --> 00:15:03,789
in a way that benefits you.

344
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:07,255
This doesn't mean become 
lazy or become cruel.

345
00:15:07,255 --> 00:15:08,695
What it means is:

346
00:15:08,695 --> 00:15:09,913
Take time off

347
00:15:09,913 --> 00:15:11,860
or quit saying yes to everyone.

348
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:15,480
What is the positive aspect 
of someone who is lazy?

349
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,490
They are not afraid to rest.

350
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:20,087
So adopting that 
disowned aspect of yourself

351
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:22,260
could take the form of you taking a rest.

352
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:25,143
This will bring you closer 
to the state of wholeness.

353
00:15:26,197 --> 00:15:29,705
You can do this entire process
that I've just outlined

354
00:15:29,705 --> 00:15:31,393
with positives as well.

355
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,360
To do that you simply need to figure out

356
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:35,658
what you admire,

357
00:15:35,658 --> 00:15:38,830
envy or fall in love with in other people,

358
00:15:38,830 --> 00:15:40,887
especially your partner,

359
00:15:40,887 --> 00:15:42,571
kids and idols.

360
00:15:43,020 --> 00:15:45,341
And discover the positive intention

361
00:15:45,501 --> 00:15:48,273
behind suppressing 
those things inside yourself.

362
00:15:48,925 --> 00:15:52,525
Discover why it was dangerous 
to have those positive traits.

363
00:15:53,589 --> 00:15:55,245
For example, if I am lazy

364
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:57,765
and I envy people who are 
driven and motivated,

365
00:15:57,765 --> 00:15:59,689
why was it dangerous

366
00:15:59,689 --> 00:16:03,190
or not okay to be driven 
and motivated growing up?

367
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:08,385
Find ways to express 
those particular traits in your life.

368
00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:11,542
So if I'm at a Justin Bieber concert

369
00:16:11,542 --> 00:16:13,916
and I love the significance that he has,

370
00:16:13,916 --> 00:16:16,600
how do I let myself 
have more significance?

371
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:17,790
Knowing of course,

372
00:16:17,790 --> 00:16:21,260
that the aspect of me that is suppressed,
is still an aspect of me.

373
00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:22,553
There's a potion in there

374
00:16:22,553 --> 00:16:24,639
that is highly significant

375
00:16:24,639 --> 00:16:27,583
and that wants that significance 
to be expressed.

376
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:32,021
Judgement doesn't have to 
be such a bad thing.

377
00:16:32,390 --> 00:16:34,280
And you can't stop judging

378
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:36,169
just by deciding to do it.

379
00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:38,032
Has that ever worked for any of you?

380
00:16:38,316 --> 00:16:40,006
I've never seen it work before.

381
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,520
What that means is,

382
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:45,862
instead of worrying ourselves 
with stopping judging other people,

383
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:48,980
we need to instead develop an open mind,

384
00:16:48,980 --> 00:16:50,553
that is open enough

385
00:16:50,553 --> 00:16:53,289
to take a look at 
our judgements completely,

386
00:16:53,289 --> 00:16:55,320
to use our judgement of other people,

387
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:56,974
both positive and negative,

388
00:16:56,974 --> 00:17:01,341
to recognize the aspects that 
we have rejected within ourselves.

389
00:17:02,031 --> 00:17:06,159
This causes our judgements 
to turn into observations.

390
00:17:07,403 --> 00:17:09,762
So, what do you judge?

391
00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:15,999
Projection is one of the best 
tools for self awareness.

392
00:17:16,170 --> 00:17:19,120
It's also one of the best excuses

393
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,090
to avoid self awareness.

394
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,808
We cannot be truly authentic

395
00:17:24,808 --> 00:17:29,889
as long as we continue to 
reject, suppress, deny or disown

396
00:17:29,889 --> 00:17:31,124
aspects of ourselves,

397
00:17:31,124 --> 00:17:33,951
whether they be positive or negative.

398
00:17:34,782 --> 00:17:37,728
So if you're willing 
to be uncomfortable enough

399
00:17:37,728 --> 00:17:39,629
to see yourself clearly,

400
00:17:39,629 --> 00:17:43,199
most especially the aspects 
of yourself that are missing,

401
00:17:43,601 --> 00:17:44,980
I can guarantee you

402
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:47,270
that you are well along 
the way to authenticity

403
00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:50,445
and you are well along the way 
to a state of wholeness.

404
00:17:50,977 --> 00:17:52,290
Have a good week.