-
Jessica: Hello Heavy Petters! We're the Luxery-Legays
-
I'm Jessica
-
Majestic: I'm Majestic
-
Jessica: And we're here to talk to you about self love
-
because its a very important part of having healthy relationships with others
-
but most importantly yourself
-
and it's also a really great building block for a lot of the things
-
we'll be talking about here at Heavy Petting
-
Majestic: Yeah. Its really important to note that self love is not like a one time thing
-
its definitely a process and I think its important to remember that
-
loving yourself in a world where your body's constantly devalued and scrutinized
-
is difficult but its definitely possible
-
Everyone will have hard days. I have hard days. Jessica has hard days
-
And it doesn't mean that you have to start over, its just part of the journey
-
Its really important that when you're trying to love yourself, you bring compassion,
-
gentleness, kindness and patience to the table when you're thinking about your self love
-
or self loathing. Try not to mean to yourself
-
Being mean to yourself when you're trying to love yourself in counter active
-
to the process
-
Jessica: Let's get started
-
Majestic: That's a great idea
-
Jessica: Step 1: Be Critical of the Kind of Media You Consume
-
Ask yourself. What kind of media do I consume?
-
Is it magazines? Is it blogs? Is it Gossip Girl? Is it the newspaper?
-
What bodies and lifestyle are being portrayed? Are you reflected there?
-
And if so is it empowering or positive?
-
Mass media is one of the big ways we learn about the world here in the West and often times
-
that media is racist, classist, ableist and doesn't portray a variety of body types and sizes
-
Majestic: Our next point is doing a little bit of Spring Cleaning
-
Its really important to remember that mainstream media and other types of alternative media
-
are often trying to sell you something and I think its important to think about
-
whether or not that's something you want to participate in.
-
One way to engage in this without disavowing all media ever and being super militant about it
-
is to just think critically about the kinds of media you consume
-
Sometimes you do want to cut out certain types of media that make you feel bad
-
Other times you're like, I love Toddlers and Tiaras, I can't stop watching it
-
So that's a reality for some people
-
So that brings us to Step #2
-
Do Things That Make You Feel Intimate With Your Body
-
Jessica: Some great ways to do that are: movement at your own pace/terms/abilities
-
this can be swimming, or running if that's your thing
-
I like to dance
-
Majestic: I like to stretch
-
Jessica: Also Intuitive Eating, which we'll put the link below (we made a video about that)
-
Sometimes its as simple as putting on lotion
-
That's one of my favorite parts of the day
-
Besides other things...
-
I do like to be mindful of how my body feels and touching all the different parts of my fat body
-
I don't know, just being quiet and doing that
-
Also another way to touch your body, for those who are more sexual is obviously masturbation
-
And that's a really important tool if that's something that you're into
-
You can also look at your body in the mirror and start fully clothed
-
and work down to being nude. Its important to just be realistic with yourself
-
This is what your body looks like and this is who you are
-
Just remembering to spend time with that
-
Majestic: And I think that you know, these kinds of things like looking at your body
-
in the mirror, the more tactile feeling your body, feeling what it feels like in a bunch of different ways
-
is really powerful and does connect you to your body in a way that's really important
-
I found it really...once I got into body politics, I found that part of it to be very intimidating
-
but I do really love those things now and I feel that they're really important part of my self
-
love journey. Another thing that you can do is write your body a love letter
-
We've both done that. Its a really interesting, really hard process
-
So I think that's something you could explore. It can be really healing, it can show you
-
the places that your relationship with your body might be a little tenuous
-
Its just really interesting
-
Jessica: Be really honest because the letter can be just for you
-
Majestic: Another thing is challenge your internal narratives about your body's worth and beauty
-
That kind of goes hand in hand with when you're looking at yourself in the mirror
-
engaging in these practices of self love, or even when you're just getting ready
-
Think about what you're saying about yourself and what those internal narratives
-
are saying and stop them. Try to counter them with something about how strong or
-
beautiful you are if you can.
-
We definitely have a boundary for when we're getting ready
-
If one of us is having an eyeliner or eyebrow emergency or another person is having
-
excessive gender crisis and is taking up a lot of space and doesn't know what to wear
-
We kind of just take a step back and try to say a few positive things about ourselves
-
and that's really awesome. We're not often taught to do that
-
It can be a pretty radical act I think
-
Another thing is self care
-
Take care of your body and your mental health in ways that feel good
-
Think about what you love to do.
-
I love to go into my kitchen and mix coconut oil with I don't know other things
-
and essential oils and rub it on my body
-
Jessica: Take baths
-
Majestic: Take baths and have alone time, or watch excessive episodes of Toddlers in Tiaras
-
as I'm a gay beauty pageant dad
-
Jessica: And I'm a pageant queen
-
Majestic: And yeah, just honor your high glitz lifestyle
-
Honor your deluxe queen identity in a way that feels really empowering for you
-
Jessica: Step #3 is a hard one: Think About How the People In Your Life Make You Feel About
-
Yourself and Your Body
-
That's hard and complicated. Because for a lot of people
-
the people that make you feel really bad about your body/yourselves are your family
-
members and that's hard. Its just important to set clear boundaries
-
Have adult loving conversations with the people in your life about what they can
-
and cannot say about you and your body
-
And stick to those and make sure that when that starts to happen
-
you give them a chance to immediately stop and then you remove yourself
-
Majestic: So another really important thing is saying nice things about other people instead
-
of bad things. Like being positive about others helps you be more positive about yourself
-
Also when people are saying really negative things about other people, that's usually
-
about their own self hatred stuff than the other person
-
When Jessica and I go in public, people always stare at us, yell at us, try to take pictures of us
-
Sometimes its nice, sometimes its mean, sometimes I'm not really sure what's happening
-
But like one that I've been able to navigate the intense hypervisibility that
-
comes with us as pair in pubic is, I also look at other people and talk about other people
-
but I frame the things that I say with compassion, compliment people, say nice things about them
-
I think that's really important also
-
Jessica: So also, once you've gotten past these initial stages and you feel more comfortable with this
-
you can challenge people when they're body policing or racist or classist or any of these things
-
and start engaging people and challenging them to start thinking about what they're saying
-
and how what they're saying affects you and the world around them
-
Majestic: The other thing is Get Creative About the Way You Present Your Body to the World
-
This is going to be really different for everybody.
-
Obviously it manifests in very specific ways for us, but it can be something as simple as
-
wearing a fancy sweater or just trying something new
-
Maybe you want to wear falsies during the day
-
Jessica: Or stripes
-
Majestic: Get creative and take risks
-
It can be a really fun way to be engaging in self love
-
Jessica: Its important to remember when you start doing that or really any of this
-
to celebrate the small victories. And the big victories
-
Celebrating the small things like how you ate something you wanted to eat or you
-
didn't wear a sweatshirt to cover your arms
-
Just different things to honor that you're taking these steps and that you started this journey
-
is really really important because it will encourage you to continue and those small
-
victories to you, if you're modelling yourself after someone who's been on this journey for a long time
-
is a huge victory for you and was a huge victory for people like you and me
-
I remember the first time I wore a pair of pants that fit me
-
I remember when I stopped wearing pants because I hate them
-
Majestic: I remember when I stopped wearing hoodies in the summer even though I was super hot
-
because I was ashamed of my body
-
Jessica: That's right, we took that one from real life
-
So these things are important. Just be kind to yourself
-
Remember to talk to yourself as you would someone you love dearly
-
Like you would never tell your Nana the mean things you tell yourself
-
Majestic: Or even, treat your body like its a lover
-
Whatever that means to you
-
Jessica: Knowing you, maybe you have some homework you'd like to give to the viewers
-
Majestic: I think homework is really important and for those of you who are willing
-
These are some things I would encourage you to go try
-
HOMEWORK
-
Write a Love Letter to Your Body
-
Just sit down for like 5 minutes. It can be a really interesting process
-
Another thing is, like we said
-
Look at Your Body in The Mirror
-
Touch Your Body in Ways That Feel Good
-
Take Risks
-
Another really important thing that my friend Blaise told me that she was doing with her partner
-
is that every day we share 3 things that we appreciate about each other
-
and the way that we've modified that to kind of give room for our self love
-
has been we also share 3 things that we are grateful for about ourselves
-
Get creative
-
Think about the ways that you're sexy but also a really good family member or friend
-
or how you're really funny or intelligent
-
I think that putting that really intentional time into loving yourself every day is
-
really powerful and will change your relationship with your body
-
Jessica: So. We love you
-
Majestic: We love you and good luck
-
Let us know how this goes and if you have any questions, let us know
-
You can hit us up at HeavyPettingTalkTv.tumblr.com
-
Jessica: or Majesstica69@gmail.com
-
Majestic: Okay loving you
-
Jessica: Byyye