fat body (in)visible
- Title:
- fat body (in)visible
- Description:
-
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this is the trailer. Here is the dialogue for the whole film:
Description:
0:04 – 0:06
[MUSIC: "Breathe" by Télépopmusik
0:06 – 0:11
I brought you something close to me
0:13 – 0:20
Left for something you see though you're here
0:22 – 0:26
You haunt my dreams
0:27 – 0:31
There's nothing to do but believe
0:33 – 0:36
Just believe
0:37 – 0:39
Just breathe...]
0:40 – 0:49
The way people view fat today is, I wanna right away say disgusting.
0:49 – 0:56
We are told that we can't even love each other in public, because it's so revolting.
0:56 – 0:58
I just feel like it's a love-hate.
0:58 – 1:01
I think people are scared to show their appreciation for some big women.
1:01 – 1:04
and some people don't care after a while. More than anything
1:04 – 1:18
I feel, like it's an indifference.
1:18 – 1:24
While I have all the confidence in the world, I am being told every day that my body is revolting
1:24 – 1:30
I look at it like this, you know there is so many beautiful, natural wonders in this world, and all these
1:30 – 1:37
natural wonders theyr'e huge right. You know? The Taj Mahal, umm, the Grand Canyon
1:37 – 1:41
all these things are big, and people come from all around to see it.
1:41 – 1:46
So it is as we know, with me being a larger woman, i'm like an attraction
1:46 – 1:51
you know? Like, you can't miss me and I am a good thing to look at as well.
1:51 – 1:54
When they see a fat body it's very challenging to their politics.
1:54 – 2:04
It's very challenging to this, what they view as their, um, their moral code is challenged by a fat body.
2:04 – 2:06
Especially a confident fat body.
2:06 – 2:14
I think I've always felt, moderately at peace with my body. I think my issues always been everyone else.
2:14 – 2:22
I first realized I was fat when my mom stopped introducing me as her daughter and started introducing
2:22 – 2:29
me as her fat daughter, her fluffy daughter, my chubby Jessica.
2:29 – 2:35
I stopped being a human, I started being a body.
2:35 – 2:41
For me, I'm at my heaviest. And, ironically, or maybe not ironically
2:41 – 2:44
but at my heaviest, I am the happiest.
2:45 – 2:54
I first realized I was fat, (laughs) probably at a young age. I was an 11 pound baby, so
2:54 – 2:57
I never had a skinny phase.
2:57 – 3:00
And my family, they accepted me.
3:00 – 3:05
Dieting for me started, really young. It started off as restricting
3:05 – 3:14
and by 10 I was in Jenny Craig, and then Weight Watchers, and pills and special physicians.
3:14 – 3:18
When I look at the word diet, I see the word die. Die-et.
3:18 – 3:24
I have never dieted. Um, the only time I kinda could think of dieting was when I was young.
3:24 – 3:26
Probably like 7. When the doctor said, oh you should cut back on X,Y and Z.
3:27 – 3:31
And I did it. But afterwards I was like, psh, this ain't for me.
3:31 – 3:32
You know what I mean?
3:32 – 3:41
Around high school I got a personal trainer. Got my calories down to what almost killed me.
3:41 – 3:49
Um, and still, couldn't lose any weight. When I moved out of my mother's house
3:49 – 3:52
um, I gave up dieting for good.
3:52 – 4:02
[MUSIC: "Dimestore Diamond" by The Gossip
4:02 – 4:07
"Everybody knows the things she does to please"
4:07 – 4:12
Low cut sweaters with her skirt above her knees
4:12 – 4:18
She's a dimestore diamond
4:18 – 4:23
Everybody knows just where she gets her clothes
4:23 – 4:27
A water coloured painting in a Renoir pose
4:27 – 4:36
She's a dimestore diamond
4:41 – 4:43
Everybody knows but no one can tell..." ]
4:47 – 4:52
Um, fat acceptance is just, uh the radical idea that every body is a good body
4:52 – 5:00
and that regardless of your shape or your size, that you deserve just as much respect as the next person.
5:00 – 5:04
Fat acceptance is just accepting where it's at. You know, whether you're
5:04 – 5:06
bigger or you're smaller, just accepting what it is.
5:06 – 5:10
Your arms, your double chin, your thighs, you know,
5:10 – 5:12
and just not worrying about how people may view you.
5:16 – 6:00
[MUSIC: "Be" by Common]
6:01 – 6:02
(inaudible + laughter)
6:17 – 6:18
Growing up, I compared myself to images I'd see on t.v.
6:22 – 6:26
As a young black girl, it wasn't really so much for the size, it was the skin color.
6:26 – 6:33
You know, watching t.v. you don't see really a lot of young black girls on t.v.
6:33 – 6:42
And it wasn't until probably in my later teens that I felt more conscious about my body
6:42 – 6:44
because that's when I saw the music videos.
6:44 – 6:49
My 'aha' moment, um, was through the fat community.
6:49 – 6:51
You know, the fat acceptance group.
6:51 – 6:53
And that really started when I was in high school
6:53 – 6:58
when I saw that as, you know, a celebration of plus size women.
6:58 – 7:02
And that's been going on for I'd say like, 10 years now, since the early 2000's.
7:02 – 7:08
So uh, from there the lightbulb went off, I love myself more
7:08 – 7:13
Uh, I didn't want to wear the baggy clothes to hide myself.
7:13 – 7:16
You know my mothers told me to cover my arms, I didn't wanna cover it
7:16 – 7:21
You know? I felt more comfortable in my body because I saw other women who looked like me
7:21 – 7:24
doing the same things, so I was, like why can't I?
7:24 – 7:30
I think high school, um, is a struggle to feel visible for anybody.
7:30 – 7:34
As a fat person, I think I took on the role as the class clown,
7:34 – 7:39
because I wasn't allowed to be um, an object of desire by my classmates.
7:39 – 7:44
I think once I started um, finding that people were attracted to me
7:44 – 7:50
and, that um men and women found me desirable as I was
7:50 – 7:55
I felt that was an invitation and permission to start loving myself as well
7:55 – 7:58
and as much as they did.
7:58 – 8:05
(inaudible hotties)
8:05 – 8:088:09 – 8:13
Recently, I was walking home, and I live in my own world,
8:13 – 8:16
I know that a lot of negativity happens around me
8:16 – 8:22
so I just try to phase it out, but I was walking home and a woman called me a 'fat piggy bitch'.
8:22 – 8:26
For no reason, she just yelled it.
8:26 – 8:30
And, in my head I heard "Miss Piggy Bitch!!"
8:30 – 8:36
And so I looked at her and said thank you and I kept walking and I was feeling great about myself
8:36 – 8:42
and a man said, "Did you hear what she said to you? She called you a fat piggy bitch".
8:42 – 8:48
Which just seemed like, ludicrous to me, because I didn't even irritate her in any way,
8:48 – 8:51
but by purely existing, she felt is was necessary to take me down.
8:52 – 8:58
I hate to say it, as ironic as this may sound, I still feel invisible today.
8:58 – 9:02
Like uh, I would say probably like most of my life
9:02 – 9:05
as big, as colorful as I am I still feel invisible in a sense.
9:08 – 9:16
The way I make myself present and visible, um, is I've really allowed myself to
9:16 – 9:18
give in to everything I've ever wanted to wear.
9:18 – 9:22
And a lot of the times that means looking a lot like a cartoon character.
9:22 – 9:30
I get called babydoll a lot, people always ask me if I am working birthday parties.
9:30 – 9:35
But in, um allowing myself to dress the way I've always wanted to
9:35 – 9:39
and never allowed myself when I was hating my body, um,
9:39 – 9:44
I make myself very present for other people.
9:44 – 9:50
Recently, I met a woman online, maybe 2 years ago,
9:50 – 9:53
that was involved in an online community called fatshionista
9:53 – 10:00
which is a fat fashionista, on live journal, which just brought me into this myraid
10:00 – 10:06
of blogs and books and people that were involved in this movment that gave me
10:06 – 10:12
sort of a more substantial argument when people initially would say fat is bad,
10:12 – 10:15
and I could only say no its not
10:15 – 10:22
Um, I was the introduced to this community that gave me substantial reasons why fat was okay,
10:22 – 10:26
and why my body was beautiful and why i deserved more than
10:26 – 10:29
society was ready to give me.
10:29 – 10:34
I discovered fatshionista, I was just always inspired by the outfit posts
10:34 – 10:36
so that's how I got inspired or posted my own,
10:36 – 10:39
then from there it was just a wealth of information.
10:39 – 10:43
With the fat-o-sphere, there is a lot of fat fashion blogging.
10:43 – 10:43
There is always what fat girls wear, what fat girls wear.
10:43 – 10:55
There's a lot on - not a lot on what fat girls think, um, in relation to what they wear.
10:55 – 10:58
Fat touches everything I do.
10:58 – 11:01
K: See with this one, it's kind of thick.
11:01 – 11:03
J: That's cute!
11:03 – 11:03
K: Yeah
11:03 – 11:04
J: Yeah I like that. Are you trying it on? I really like this though. Did you make it?
11:04 – 11:11
K: Thank you
11:11 – 11:13
Again I really don't see a lot of art out there that reflects me.
11:13 – 11:16
I'm a plus size woman, you know, I love afrocentric themes.
11:16 – 11:22
So I'm like, you know, lemme try and play around with it.
11:22 – 11:27
I don't feel like I'm the best artist, but it's my work, you know?
11:27 – 11:34
And I've always wanted to see, the few black artists that are out there to do,
11:34 – 11:35
you know, show images of bigger women.
11:35 – 11:36
When it comes to crocheting, um, the challenge is sometimes,
11:36 – 11:39
that there aren't many patterns in plus sizes.
11:39 – 11:45
but, the beauty is, is just, you know just winging it, just adding more stitches.
11:45 – 11:47
Same thing with constructing clothes.
11:47 – 11:48
Clothes are nothing but shapes.
11:48 – 11:53
Like, I made a skirt in 45 minutes. I was just draping the fabric on me, you know,
11:53 – 11:56
2 squares, put it together - bam you got a skirt.
11:56 – 12:02
Fat style is um, one of the biggest ways I believe you can be politcal as a fat body.
12:02 – 12:11
Um, because it's very subversive given that we as fat people we are given limited choices.
12:11 – 12:16
When you're thin, you have the entire mall at your beck and call.
12:16 – 12:23
When you're fat, you have one store that has matronly, shaming clothes.
12:23 – 12:31
J: It fits fine.
12:31 – 12:35
(laughter)
12:35 – 12:41
J: Keena, does this fit good?
12:41 – 12:45
When you look good, you feel good. And people feel good around you as well.
12:45 – 12:50
People don't expect for larger women to wear bright colors, or god forbid a mini-skirt
12:50 – 12:52
or even, got forbid, stripes.
12:52 – 12:59
So, it feels good to stop outside the box and wear things that's not the norm
12:59 – 13:09
as a larger woman. And get compliments for it because you rock it a certain way.
13:21 – 13:25
Recently, I went to um an indie fashion event at a plus size
13:25 – 13:31
thrift store called re-dress and it was just really inspiring to see
13:31 – 13:38
all these fat bodies, all these loving, fat bodies in one space being really positive.
13:38 – 13:45
A lot of, most, not all of the people present were um, part of my online community.
13:45 – 13:51
My fat acceptance activists, and my fashionistas, and it was just really inspiring
13:51 – 14:00
to see people doing what they love and promoting this self-accepting, positive, environment.
14:00 – 14:02
14:02 – 14:05
We've noticed that it's really powerful to see um,
14:05 – 14:09
more than one fat body enjoying each others company in public.
14:09 – 14:13
And, um, I think initally people are too intimidated to say anything
14:13 – 14:17
but occasionally you'll get people who will make comments
14:17 – 14:25
Uh, I just think it's really intimidating for people to see fat bodies together,
14:25 – 14:27
it's really powerful.
14:27 – 14:37
(laughing)
14:37 – 14:40
I think because I make such a point in making myself
14:40 – 14:48
visible on my own terms,there's very little places where I feel invisible.
14:48 – 14:54
I feel hyper-visible when I am in restaraunts eating.
14:54 – 14:59
I feel like the spotlight's always on me.
14:59 – 15:07
When i'm at the doctor's it's a weird mix of hypervisibility and invisibility.
15:07 – 15:11
I feel so detached from my body, and not a human,
15:11 – 15:17
but I also feel really under the microscope and sort of
15:17 – 15:23
like a mutant as well. So it's really... going to the doctor's is challenging.
15:23 – 15:30
A couple months ago I, back in June I bought an airplane ticket
15:30 – 15:33
through Southwest Airlines to Las Vegas for my aunts wedding.
15:33 – 15:38
Got to the airport early and I just thought, hmm, maybe I should ask
15:38 – 15:41
about my return boarding pass, if it got printed.
15:41 – 15:46
That day I wore a mini skirt and a sleeveless top. Didn't think nothin' of it.
15:46 – 15:49
Didn't think people were watching me or scrutinizing me.
15:49 – 15:55
Went to the counter, asked the lady about it, and she was like, you know
15:55 – 16:01
I think that you could use another seat. I'm like, so what are you implying?
16:01 – 16:04
And she's like, well me and a few other people we have been observing you and we
16:04 – 16:09
feel that you could use another seat so that will be $179 dollars.
16:09 – 16:12
I was like, excuse me? How are you just going to assume that
16:12 – 16:16
I need to take another seat? And she was like well, you know, the seat you're sitting in over there is
16:16 – 16:23
smaller than an airline seat. So, long story short, you know, it just took me by surprise
16:23 – 16:28
that one that people were watching me. And just , visualizing if I could fit in the seat or not.
16:28 – 16:32
And maybe that's a time where I kinda felt kinda hypervisible.
16:32 – 16:36
Like, unbeknownst to me there was someone watching me
16:36 – 16:40
and just juding by my body frame that I need to pay another $200
16:40 – 16:46
for a lousy seat on an already crowded aircraft.
16:46 – 16:49
You know, we worked it out, I talked to the supervisor
16:49 – 16:56
And, another thing, I really wanted to lash out, but I couldn't because it was one of those things
16:56 – 17:00
where you don't want to be the "angry black woman" let alone at a airport, you know?
17:00 – 17:05
So I was looking around, just watching to see people like, observing me, see what's going on,
17:05 – 17:12
but it didn't seem like it. Uh, talked to the supervisor, went on the plane
17:12 – 17:15
while they were boarding the handicapped so the aircraft was empty.
17:15 – 17:18
Sat in the seat, put down the armrest, and the supervisor said,
17:18 – 17:22
"well, you're borderline on safety, we will let you pass this time"
17:22 – 17:27
And so - i'm about to cry just thinking about it, so it's just like,
17:27 – 17:31
I just never thought I would be picked out like that, you know?
17:31 – 17:36
And it's just, before I got on the plane, I was just thinking,
17:36 – 17:38
that was a time where I thought, maybe I should change my body
17:38 – 17:43
to appease others. You know? Like maybe if I weren't so big,
17:43 – 17:50
I wouldn't be a hazard to someone.
17:50 – 17:53
But, it went well, but it just left a bad taste in my mouth because
17:53 – 17:58
I want to travel more, and with the whole airlines charging more
17:58 – 18:04
for luggage, it's just that Southwest is the only place that has inexpensive airline tickets.
18:04 – 18:14
But, I just feel like when I travel, or when I go out. I have to be conscious of the space I take.
18:14 – 18:21
You know, no I can't fit in every chair, but I still like being a plus size woman.
18:21 – 18:27
Like I don't want to change myself to make others feel comfortable.
18:27 – 18:45
[MUSIC: "Be" by Common]
18:46 – 18:51
I just sort of, uh go day to day and talk to people when they approach me.
18:51 – 18:57
I am confronted a lot about my body, on the street, by strangers.
18:57 – 19:01
It gives me a chance to open up a dialogue about fat acceptance and maybe get other
19:01 – 19:05
fat people I meet involved in this community.
19:05 – 19:11
The Adipositivity Project is a project that a woman made to photograph
19:11 – 19:16
plus size women and their bodies, just in the nude.
19:16 – 19:21
So I contacted her earlier this year when I had a trip to New York
19:21 – 19:26
and I just had to be a part of it. It was a very very liberating experience
19:26 – 19:29
and I would love to do it again and I would encourage other women,
19:29 – 19:32
especially women of color, to do it.
19:32 – 19:38
I make myself present online, I have, um, I'm just fully exploiting every outlet for myself.
19:38 – 19:43
I have a tumblr, which has really helped promote my blog,
19:43 – 19:54
Um, I'm on twitter, and I try to read other blogs, comment, create a community with other FA bloggers
19:54 – 20:01
and just really inundate everyone with my image, and my thoughts.
20:01 – 20:07
On my tumblr, I just mostly post pictures and words of things that inspire me.
20:07 – 20:12
Um, what made me create an account, because I wanted to show a person who was
20:12 – 20:19
fat, and black, afrocentric, and who is unashamed of who she is, you know, post there.
20:19 – 20:23
Right now I have over 500 followers, I would never thunk it.
20:23 – 20:28
I hope that my activism and my blogging and the work I do online
20:28 – 20:35
helps give people of all shapes a safe place to feel good about their bodies
20:35 – 20:39
and to talk honestly about what they are feeling and why they are feeling it.
20:39 – 20:49
And just, in hopes of , you know, this um, that someday we will just all feel very neutral and loving
20:49 – 20:53
about our bodies and there won't... fat people won't feel so isolated.
20:53 – 20:59
My message to young girls who are plus size in this day and age is just to live life,
20:59 – 21:05
enjoy yourself, and don't let nothing stop you. If you want to take a plus size, or
21:05 – 21:08
you know, take pole dancing, take it. I've done it.
21:08 – 21:10
If you wanna be a dancer, do it.
21:10 – 21:12
If you wanna go to the beach in a bikini, do it, I've done it, you know?
21:12 – 21:17
Just don't let nothing stop you, don't let the naysayers, you know, get to your head.
21:17 – 21:24
Just live life, because at the end of the day you will want to die knowing that you've done everything
21:24 – 21:25
that you you want to do.
21:25 – 21:27
Even my experience with Southwest Airlines,
21:27 – 21:29
I know at the end of the day it's not going to stop me from travelling.
21:29 – 21:31
I just have to do it in other ways.
21:31 – 21:34
You know? Um, I just want to die knowing that I did everything
21:34 – 21:37
um, that I loved and wanted to do.
21:37 – 21:40
So I hope that other women, young or old,
21:40 – 21:45
big or small, black or white, inbetween, they do that as well.
21:45 – 21:46
21:46 – 21:51
If I could say one thing to um, young fat people dealing with bullying
21:51 – 21:55
and their body image, I don't really think there is anything you can say
21:55 – 22:01
to young teens because we all struggle with how we feel about ourselves. But, it's not about you
22:01 – 22:09
it's about the bully. It's about their own issues, it's about what people are telling them
22:09 – 22:13
they should feel, and you just... don't let anyone police your body.
22:16 – 22:19
[MUSIC: "Breathe" by Télépopmusik...
22:25 – 22:36
"I'm used to it by now...
22:36 – 22:38
another day...
22:38 – 22:42
just believe...
22:42 – 22:44
just breathe...
22:45 – 22:49
just believe...
22:51
just breathe... - Video Language:
- English
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible | ||
Radical Access Mapping Project edited English subtitles for fat body (in)visible |